The Choice
by AnotherAldebaran
Summary: A few years after the end of the war Hermione is happy in an apprenticeship and in a relationship with Ron. A conference trip turns her whole world upside down when she reconnects with her old Potions teacher. When is not choosing also a choice and how do you live with the consequences? Angst and some very mature themes including infidelity. Story now complete!
1. The Friends

**A/N:** This will be a rather angsty tale containing some quite mature themes, hence the M rating, including infidelity and various kinks but also more difficult life events. HGRW and HGSS (rather more explicit). Sometimes not choosing is also a choice. What are the consequences, for everyone involved? I'm going to take some liberties with who survives the war and so on where it suits the story so it's AU from the last year of the war, basically, but we can assume most of canon to be unchanged otherwise. All of it is planned out in (currently) 13 chapters plus epilogue but sometimes characters throw curveballs into the plans…

Anyway, hope you enjoy the ride! First some setup...

/AA

 **-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

 **The Friends**

Hermione sighed and reluctantly rolled out of bed when her alarm clock refused to shut up, leaving Crookshanks to settle in the warm spot she left behind. The old cat immediately stretched out to claim his space, denying his human the chance to return to bed. She'd gone to bed late as usual, staying up too long with her textbooks and research notes. After all, she only had a bit over a year left before she'd be defending her thesis to conclude her Apprenticeship at St Mungo's research department, aiming for a Mastery in Charms with supplementary work in Arithmancy and Potions. Almost four years had passed since the end of the war against Voldemort but some days Hermione still woke up with nightmares about the battle, the time on the run or of Malfoy Manor.

She pulled on her purple bath robe and went for a shower. Her flat still made her happy. It was tiny but sufficient for her needs, with one bathroom, a small kitchen area that opened into the living room, and then a tiny bedroom with enough space for a queen-sized bed and a small wardrobe for her clothes but not much else. She'd put up bookshelves on every available wall in the living room, and her small kitchen table and slightly larger writing desk were littered with books and parchment. The building was wizard-owned but located in a Muggle area not far from Diagon Alley, so she had both electricity and a Floo installed. She liked being able to live in both worlds, having a functional TV and electric lights but at the same time being able to Apparate to a safe spot in the building's foyer and that both the building and her flat were warded properly. Ron hadn't been too happy with her moving to her own flat, saying they should both move in together at Grimmauld, but Hermione had insisted on having her own space.

After a shower and a quick breakfast of tea and toast she was ready to face the day. She usually chose to walk to St Mungo's, appreciating the time to clear her mind and get some dubiously fresh air before immersing herself yet again in research. The January morning was cold and damp, the sun not quite making an impact through the heavy London clouds, and some Christmas lights were still up after the holidays. She joined the throng of London commuters weaving their way through the streets, happy that she didn't have to take the Tube to work. That was one of the main benefits of being a witch, she often thought; not getting stuck in traffic or being affected by train service disruptions.

When she neared the dilapidated department store that acted as a front for the magical entrance to the hospital she didn't use the main entrance, however, but instead turned around the corner of the building and walked up to a stone frieze blackened with dirt, depicting a goat reading a book. She put her St Mungo's badge on the book which then fluttered shut as it accepted her credentials, and the goat turned and butted a sculpted column next to it which caused a green door to materialise. Stepping through, she then found herself in the entry hall to the Magical Research annex.

The building, an annex to the main St Mungo's hospital building, was shaped roughly like an octagonal tower with spokes jutting out in various directions at different levels, housing the different departments and functions. Another annex building housed the administration, kitchens, laundry services and the like, as well as offices and staff rooms for the Healers. The two annexes lay on either side of the hospital park which was located behind St Mungo's when viewed from the main hospital entrance hall, where long-term patients could go for walks if they wanted some sunlight, but they were also accessible through various magical shortcuts throughout the hospital building, and also connected to the Ministry of Magic at various levels.

The building where Hermione worked in the Magical Research Department also housed the experimental Potions lab down in the basement, well warded against accidents; the regular brewing room for potions used at the hospital; an isolation ward for the worst cases or for research, and a library with a vast collection of books and journals on all kinds of subjects vaguely related to Healing. The building's interiors sometimes changed appearance but she hadn't managed to figure out what triggered the changes. Today, anyway, most of the walls were light blue with dark cherry half panelling. She waved to some of the portraits on her way up to the right floor, including that of Hogwarts former Headmistress Dilys Derwent who was always up for a chat or some gossip, having been introduced to Hermione by Headmistress McGonagall at the start of Hermione's Apprenticeship.

She had just shrugged out of her coat and opened the first few lime green aeroplane memos when her boss and mentor, Healer Trout, popped his head in through the door of the tiny office she shared with another Apprentice.

"Hello there, Hermione, how are you? By the way, could you come by my office later today, I have something to discuss with you. Did you see the latest article in _Hippocratic Corpus_ about a potion for improved healing of cursed scars? Very interesting, very interesting indeed. I've a meeting with the directors, see you, bye!"

She smiled and waved at him as he ran off somewhere else, his dark blue robes flapping behind him as if they were hurrying to catch up. It had taken her a few months to get accustomed to Healer Desmond Trout's style of management, but after nearly two and a half years working for him she'd grown rather fond of his somewhat erratic ways. He was a keen researcher with a solid list of publications in various journals, had a good eye for ideas worth pursuing and was surprisingly good at securing funding for even the oddest research project, so she gladly overlooked the fact that he couldn't organise his way out of a paper bag and that he sometimes assumed she knew everything he knew already, meaning that he usually thought everything could be solved in half an hour no matter the task.

Just as Healer Trout vanished around the corner her office mate entered bearing two cups of strong tea. Lucinda Wellington was the other Apprentice in the department, a former Ravenclaw two years younger than Hermione, who had started her Apprenticeship only a few months ago. She was interested in spell damage injuries while Hermione had been working on integrating potions and charms to improve mind healing after Obliviations or other magic-induced memory loss. Hermione had quickly become friends with the dark-haired younger witch who also knew Ginny and Luna a little since they had been only a year apart at Hogwarts.

"Thanks, Lucy," Hermione said and accepted her tea. The other witch smiled and sat down at her own desk, shuffling a stack of parchment to the side to make room for her cup.

"It's way too early in the morning, I only got back from holidays late last night," Lucy groaned. "How's things been in my absence, miss me much?"

The tea was hot and just the right colour with a dash of milk. They'd quickly learned each other's tea preferences. "I got the article accepted for publication, it will be out in the next issue of _Magical Healing_."

"Really? The one on your suggestions for new charms to improve memory retrieval? Congratulations, that's great! You'll be famous!"

Hermione blushed but couldn't help but to smile. "Doubt it but I'm glad it's over, I spent nearly the whole Christmas break writing it and had to come in to the office twice. How was skiing?"

Lucinda regaled her with tales of skiing in the Austrian Alps with her family and wizard boyfriend while they drank their tea and sorted out the latest stash of office memos. Her father was Muggleborn and she had spent a lot of time with her Muggle grandparents during holidays, including going on ski trips.

She didn't spot Healer Trout until after her lunch break when he was actually seated at his desk for once, half buried behind a small mountain of paper memos. He looked relieved when he saw who was knocking on his door and Banished the mess with a flourish of his wand. Half of them landed in the fireplace and burst into flames, apparently not by accident if his smirk was anything to go by.

"You wanted to see me?" She stepped inside and shuffled a stack of parchment, books and half-eaten muffins off his visitor's chair.

"Yes yes, come in, come in," he said. "Tea?"

"Em, sure, should I get some?"

"No no, I've got it." With a wave of his wand soon two cups of tea were floating in through the door from the small office kitchenette. She very much appreciated his no-nonsense general attitude, he wasn't one to flaunt titles or status over others, and wasn't above serving his staff tea instead of insisting on the other way around.

After some small talk over the status of her research he finally started to get to the point. "You know the Huge International Conference on Charms, Unusual magic and Potions conference is next month? It's held in Prague this year."

She nodded. It was the biggest gathering of magical research in those fields, held annually in different cities each year. Several hundreds of researchers attended and there would be lectures on all kinds of interesting topics, with a fancy gala dinner one of the evenings. Ever since she first heard of it she'd wanted to go but she hadn't expected to get the chance until she was done with the Apprenticeship.

"Well, I just got word that we have funding to send an additional person there this year, and since your research just got accepted for publication I thought you should speak about it. We have a slot open for a presentation. What do you think?"

Some time later, a shell-shocked Hermione was spotted by Lucy as she exited Healer Trout's office, and she found herself swiftly whisked away for another cup of tea and gossip. His offer had made her astonished, elated, nervous and terrified, in that order. Although she had travelled a fair bit with her parents, she had never travelled alone before and had never been to Prague. What if she got lost? She didn't know anyone else who would go, would she be alone for all of the four days? And oh gods she'd have to speak in public! What if someone listened? What if no one did?

~o~o~o~o~o~

She spent the rest of the day in a daze before calling it quits early and Flooing to Grimmauld Place to share the news with Harry and Ginny. It turned out that Ron was there too, having followed Harry back after their Auror shift. Ron didn't exactly live there, officially speaking, as he still stayed with his parents in the Burrow, but whenever Hermione met up with him they usually ended up spending the night at Grimmauld Place as Hermione didn't really feel comfortable staying with him under Molly Weasley's eye.

"Hermione? Hi, I didn't know you were coming, but come in of course," Harry said and asked Kreacher to fetch her a bottle of beer.

The wizened house-elf nodded and flapped his ears in acquiescence. Kreacher tolerated her much better now that he didn't have a Horcrux in his nest. He still called her Miss Mudblood but it didn't feel malicious, so Hermione chose to assume he simply meant it as a descriptor.

Harry had become rather fond of Muggle beer since he joined the Aurors and now had all kinds of odd varieties to test at home. He seemed to enjoy being an Auror, having graduated from the three-year programme last June along with Ron who had struggled a bit more but also managed to pull through in the end. Harry had flourished after Voldemort's demise. It was as if he could finally breathe now that he was free of the threat of the arguably darkest wizard of the century, and perhaps being liberated of the Horcrux in his scar had improved his mood more than they'd expected. Of course media attention was worse than ever but he seemed to have learned to manage it, thanks in part to Ginny's coaching and the fact that his home was Unplottable.

They sat down in the kitchen but then she couldn't wait any longer.

"I'm going to HICCUP!" she squeaked.

"Err… bless you?" Harry said.

Ginny started giggling.

"No, it's the Huge International Conference on Charms, Unusual magic and Potions, in Prague! I've been invited to speak!"

"You have? That's great!" Harry exclaimed. "Glad it's you, not me! When's that, not this week I hope?"

She thanked Kreacher for the beer, glad it wasn't one of the odder ones, like the Belgian ones he'd bought some time that autumn. Who put fruit and old socks in beer, anyway?

"No, but it's only a few weeks away. Oh my god, Prague! I've never been, I don't know a word of Czech! What if I get lost?"

Ginny pounced on her for a hug. "Congratulations! Oh we'll have to go robe shopping! You're speaking? Gods, Hermione! I'd be soooo nervous!"

"I know! Me too! Oh would you really go robe shopping with me? That would be great, I don't know what to wear and I hate shopping for clothes."

Kreacher showed up with some snack food. He was apparently experimenting in the kitchen again, and so they were served mini pizzas with chocolate toppings, ham and melon, avocado with peanut butter and chips with several dip sauces, including honey, something hot looking, and sour cream with chives. They all tucked in while Hermione told them all about the conference.

Ron had been oddly quiet throughout their exchange until Hermione finally looked at him.

"You're going, then?" Ron asked. He didn't look pleased at all, actually.

"Of course! This is a great opportunity for me to learn more about what's going on in other areas of research and maybe even meet a few of the influential people in the field."

Ron shook his head and took a large swig of his beer. Hermione frowned, why shouldn't she be happy about going? It was a great opportunity for her to further her research. Luckily, Harry saved the situation by telling them about his latest raid as an Auror on a gang of smugglers that were trying to import counterfeit brooms, fake precious artefacts and faulty gadgets.

Some time later, after more beer and a very nice lamb stew, she reluctantly said goodbye to her friends and walked over to the Floo. Ron followed her out to the drawing room.

"What about us then? You spent all Christmas locked away with your books already, I've barely seen you."

She blushed and turned to kiss him. He was right, she guessed. She'd barely noticed that she'd been too busy writing her article to see him much. "It's only for a few days, Ron."

"Stay the night? I've missed you, 'Mione," he murmured against her neck.

She squirmed. His touch tickled, and she could already feel his insistence against her hip. "I don't have any clothes for tomorrow…"

"You can always go back and change before Flooing to work."

She sighed and followed him up the stairs, feeling guilty about being annoyed with her boyfriend for wanting to see her.

They'd been together since the end of the War. It had seemed right then, somehow, in that hectic chaos as the world shattered and was reformed around them. Somehow everyone else assumed they were a couple already, including both Ron and his mother, which made it easiest to just acquiesce and go along with it.

She lay awake for too long afterwards, listening to Ron's light snores. The narrow bed felt cramped when shared with someone as tall as Ron. As usual their lovemaking had been quick, messy and slightly uncomfortable, but perhaps the lack of passion was to be expected after a couple of years? Or maybe she was just not meant for that sort of intimacy? She hadn't come, she rarely managed to, but maybe she just wasn't into the whole sex thing that much? He'd fallen asleep quickly while she snuck off to the shower to wash the sticky residue off her thighs.

~o~o~o~o~o~

The rest of the week went by quickly as she started to prepare for the conference, trying to find a good structure for the presentation. Ginny and Luna popped in for an impromptu lunch a few days later, and invited Lucy to come along as well. Ginny was playing Quidditch with the Holyhead Harpies but in the off-season she also helped Luna a bit with the Quibbler which they were gradually turning into a more respectable publication. Xenophilius Lovegood hadn't been himself after the War and had retired more and more from the publication, preferring to tend to his garden instead. Luna had set up an office in Hogsmeade since taking over the main responsibility from her father. She was dating Neville who was doing an Apprenticeship in Herbology under Professor Sprout at Hogwarts.

"We need to take Hermione robe shopping this weekend," Ginny announced as they were all seated with their lunch soups and sandwiches at a café not far from the St Mungo's entrance.

Lucy immediately lit up in a smile and even Luna looked vaguely interested. Although Hermione sometimes complained about Ginny's bossiness, Hermione was still secretly relieved to have three friends who were happy to spend time helping her. Soon they had arranged to meet up as soon as stores opened the following Saturday.

The end of the War had seen several new businesses opening, and London's Wizarding quarters were livelier than ever with people busy shopping or doing errands. Hermione was glad to see the change in atmosphere from the almost oppressive tension that had reigned after Voldemort's return, but at the same time crowds of magical people still made her slightly nervous. She took a deep breath to clear her mind as she entered Diagon Alley from the Apparition point.

"There you are!" Ginny said as soon as Hermione showed up outside Flourish and Blotts where she and Lucy were already waiting. "Luna will be here soon, Lucy and I have made a plan."

Hermione smiled. "Of course you have, Ginny. Alright, where are we off to? Do we have time to step into the bookstore first?"

"Noooo, not this time, missy!" Ginny admonished, laughing. She spotted someone in the crowd. "Here's Luna! Let's head to Madam Malkin's first, then Twilfit and Tattings and then that new store on Horizont Alley."

Luna rounded the corner, hugged them all in greeting and soon they were off to the stores, with Ginny in the lead.

Hermione's feet were aching when they finally entered a nearby pub for a belated lunch. They settled in a booth, giving their orders to the waitress.

"I'm glad to have magic today," she remarked to Lucy as they waited for their food to arrive. "Otherwise I'd never be able to carry all of this!"

Lucy giggled and agreed. Hermione had been coaxed into buying several new sets of robes, dress robes, shoes, underwear and other things to help her look respectable at the conference. Ginny's suggestions were usually been a bit too bold for her but the redhead had made her buy some new sets of lingerie and a few sets of nice robes for dinner and mingling, while Lucy and to Hermione's surprise also Luna had found her several sets of professional-looking robes for attending the sessions. The others had also bought some new clothes, of course, and most of their purchases were shrunk to a more manageable size with a few items to be delivered by owl later.

Hermione had a decent amount of money from her parents but the Order of Merlin, First Class that she had received after the War also came with a generous stipend which was lucky as the Apprenticeship barely paid enough to cover her most important monthly bills.

"How's Neville?" Hermione asked Luna over her fish 'n' chips. She hadn't seen her former classmate since last summer.

"Oh, Neville is fine, I haven't seen him much lately. By the way, Hermione, remember, sometimes not choosing is also a choice."

Hermione felt flustered by the direct gaze her blonde friend levelled at her, as if Luna knew something she didn't.

~o~o~o~o~o~

With less than a week to go until the conference Hermione was basically all set, which didn't stop her fretting. She'd prepared her presentation and all her notes, and her bags were mostly packed already. Lucy had threatened to throw her out of her office if she didn't stop practising her presentation out loud so she'd retreated to the lab instead for most of the past week.

She woke up late by her standards, at almost nine o'clock on Sunday morning.

"Morning, Crooks," she said to her cat who purred in return and flicked an ear towards his food bowl. He had his human well trained, after all. "I'm heading to the Burrow today, I promised Harry and Ginny that I'd go." She scratched his neck and went to serve him breakfast.

Molly was preparing a Sunday roast for the whole Weasley clan and was already busy in the kitchen when Hermione arrived just before three o'clock. After a quick greeting, she was summarily dismissed to the living room with cup of tea and a sandwich. Molly preferred to be alone in the kitchen when cooking with the exception of Ginny occasionally. Hermione sometimes wondered if it was just for the older witch to get some time for herself, or if she really did want her sons to be hopeless in the kitchen. Still, she knew that Bill knew his way around a household, and even the twins managed to stay alive on their own without a housekeeper, so perhaps something had rubbed off on them.

To her delight, Bill and Fleur were already there with their daughter. She enjoyed talking to both of them, as they were actually interested in magical theories and had lots of interesting stories from Bill's Curse-breaking adventures and Fleur's part-time job as an Arithmancer at Gringotts. The three of them settled down at the dining room table with Victoire who was already nearly two years old. The lively toddler was happily chatting about her favourite stuffed Wabbit while Fleur tried to get her to eat her snack.

"I heard you're going to HICCUP?" Bill said with a smile.

"Yes, I'm leaving Wednesday already. I still can't believe I'm going!"

"I heard it's in Prague this year? I went when it was in Amsterdam," Bill commented. "It was very interesting, I'm sure you'll have fun. Didn't you go one year too, Fleur?"

Fleur nodded as she handed her daughter a biscuit. "Yes, in Moscow," she said. "I especially liked the Unusual Magic sessions."

Bill smiled. "Yes, same here. I think the talks on Egyptian and Ancient Mayan charms were what drew me to become a Curse-breaker."

"How lucky for me, then," Fleur said with a smile. She looked at her husband with a gaze that made Hermione slightly envious, but she was glad the two of them were so obviously happy with each other.

"I hiccup too, maman!" Victoire interjected, waving her biscuit around.

The noise level rose dramatically as the others entered, apparently fresh from another impromptu Quidditch game. Not for the first time she wondered what the collective noun for Weasleys were. She'd tentatively settled for a confusion of Weasleys but the jury was still out. Fred and George walked over to greet them, catching her in a dual hug and pressing twin kisses on her cheeks simultaneously. At least now they were easier to tell apart, Fred was missing half a leg after the Battle of Hogwarts and George was short an ear, but that hadn't stopped either the bad jokes or their keen business sense.

"How's our favourite honorary sister?" Fred asked.

"I heard she's leaving us! She's going to Prague!" George said dramatically, a hand on his forehead.

Fred started sobbing into his brother's shoulder. "Oh no! She's getting away! Quick, tie her down before she realises she can do much better than Ickle Ronniekins!"

"Stop it, both of you!" Hermione giggled.

Fred and George's business at the Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes was booming, they had hired several new staff members and expanded their main location as well as their Hogsmeade branch. She was happy for their success. Sometimes they'd asked her opinion about new product lines and spells, and she had a lot of respect for their skills even if the implementations sometimes left a lot to be desired. She'd even helped with calculations for a few recipes and charms which led to them insisting to pay her royalties for each sale, and her pile of Galleons in Gringotts was growing surprisingly quickly.

Soon the chaos died down and finally the table was set, everyone was clean and warm, and the food was ready. Hermione sat between Harry and Bill opposite Ron. She usually tried to sit far from the Twins although they generally respected her enough not to try to sneak anything onto her plate.

"What's that about you leaving, Hermione?" Arthur asked after everyone had been served some roast chicken, potatoes, gravy and sides. Molly looked up at her with a frown and Ron stared at his plate.

"Oh no I'm not leaving, I'm going to a conference this week," she answered, feeling somewhat uncomfortable.

"All by yourself?" Molly interjected. "With no supervision?"

Ginny glared at her mother while Harry mainly looked embarrassed.

Hermione felt confused. "Supervision? Why… Yes, it's just me, why does it matter?"

"You'll be all by yourself, a young woman among so many wizards, is that really appropriate?" Molly asked.

George sighed dramatically. "Oh, Hermione! You know if a wizard approaches you, you must look the other way! Your virtue is in danger! Never talk to a stranger!"

Fred grinned. "Yes! And remember if you do end up alone with a wizard, don't let him show you his wand, alright? You might find yourself … impaled!" He stabbed a potato with his knife at the end of his speech for impact.

Molly glared at her sons. "Fred, George, that's enough!"

Ginny snickered but Hermione felt rather embarrassed. Why was it even a question? At a professional conference?

Luckily, Bill cut in and firmly diverted the talk to something unrelated, and the rest of the meal passed rather more peacefully. Harry shared some stories from their Auror work, Arthur talked about how the cleanup at the Ministry was going and Ginny got everyone excited over Quidditch as the warmer season was approaching. Still, Hermione couldn't quite shake it from her mind. Why on Earth would Molly think she'd need _supervision_ to attend a professional conference? Was that really how they saw her? No one had stood up for Hermione against the Weasley matriarch even though Bill clearly thought his mother was out of line.

Finally the dinner was at an end. Hermione thanked Molly for everything which was waved off as usual. Bill and Fleur were among the first to leave with Victoire, but Hermione was for once eager to get away from the Weasley household. Ron pulled her aside as she was preparing to leave.

"I don't think you should go to Prague," he said. "Why do you have to?"

She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "And why in the world not? Why shouldn't I? It's a great professional opportunity for me to learn a lot and meet lots of interesting people."

"I have a job now, you don't have to keep up with all of that!" he insisted. "I can take care of you now! You don't need to keep spending all your time at that place anymore."

Hermione felt as if she'd had the wind knocked out of her. "I can't believe it, Ron! Why aren't you happy for me? I _want_ to go!"

"I barely even manage to get you to hang out with me and the blokes on Fridays anymore, I miss you!" he continued. "We should move in together, you know, I can support us now."

She merely looked at him and shook her head. Why would she want to spend her Fridays in dingy pubs with Ron's Auror mates? Crookshanks and a book was better company. Luckily, or not, Ginny came barrelling in with her twin brothers in tow.

"Have fun, Hermione! You'll look great in those new robes!" Ginny hugged her tight.

"Ooooooh!" went the twins.

"What new robes?" Ron asked, arms crossed in front of him.

"Wouldn't you want to know?" his sister asked and poked him in the ribs. "She'll look stunning!"

"Thanks, Ginny, I have to leave now, bye everyone!" Hermione said hurriedly, and finally managed to leave after another round of hugs.

Crookshanks looked up from where he lay sprawled on the coach when she arrived back in her flat. She kicked her shoes off and heaved a sigh of relief at being alone again, finally.

"Why does it have to be so complicated, Crooks?"

The half-Kneazle purred and twitched his tail in reply.


	2. The Conference

**The Conference**

And now she was here, at the beautiful hotel where the conference would start the next morning, and everything was completely magical. The Portkey to Prague had gone off without problems and she easily found the Czech Ministry's Floo stations to make her way to the hotel. The _Alchymist Grand Hotel_ was both a Muggle and a magical hotel, but for the conference the organising committee had leased the whole building to better maintain the Statute of Secrecy. The conference would last for three days, starting Thursday morning and ending on Saturday evening, with most people staying until Sunday before leaving.

She tumbled out of the fireplace onto a beautiful Persian rug and gasped in awe as she saw the rest of the lobby. The area was decorated beautifully with white marble columns and statues, rich red velvet drapes and elegant baroque style furniture with lots of gold. The magical section of the hotel was reached through a fresco in the lobby and apparently all the staff were Squibs so they were well versed in the magical world. The organising committee had apparently helped hire more staff and house-elves for the event since the hotel was almost bursting in its seams with the hundreds of conference participants staying there.

A staff member waved her towards the check-in counter as the Floo flared to life again to allow the next guest through, and shortly thereafter she was settled in a small but beautifully furnished room with a four-poster queen size bed, an elegant mahogany desk and a lavish bathroom located in the Muggle part of the hotel since she had admitted to knowing how to manage taps and electric lights. She giggled when she noticed the Gryffindor colour scheme, with gilded bedposts, a red velvet headboard and striped red and gold curtains and bedspread. The effect was very tasteful against the golden wallpaper. After unpacking her luggage and notes she decided to slip into Muggle Prague for a walk before finding some place to eat, and after getting some directions and a map from the check-in staff she soon set off into the city.

Prague a Wednesday afternoon in mid-February was cold with a light layer of snow covering the ground, but she had brought sturdy boots and heavy robes that she Transfigured to a Muggle-style coat. She wandered around the Old Town, checking out the buildings and the people bustling around on their way home from work. The friendly front desk staff at the hotel had recommended a few places for dinner, and so she found herself in a local, very rustic, restaurant with a beer and a bowl of steaming hot goulash stew in front of her. She briefly wished she had someone to share the experience with but quickly squashed that thought. Who would that be, exactly?

That thought brought her back to another subject she preferred to avoid thinking about. The topic of her talk, or the reason behind her research, rather. She'd brought her speech notes along and reviewed them again as she finished her stew.

After finishing her NEWTs she had joined St Mungo's with one purpose in mind, having recommendations from both Madam Pomfrey and Professor Flitwick to seek out Healer Trout. Luckily he'd taken one quick look at her NEWT results, asked her a few completely unrelated questions (her favourite was probably _Which animal would make the best Minister for Magic?_ )before simply asking her when she would start, and that was that.

Her parents were still in Australia. She'd sought them out as soon as she could during the summer after Voldemort had been defeated but neither she nor her travelling companion Bill Weasley were able to fully restore their memories. Hermione had managed to undo enough so that they remembered they had a daughter, once, but not enough to bring their feelings back. They'd been angry and confused, and hurt, literally, as recalling the suppressed memories brought along a vicious headache. Apparently they were able to vaguely recall her early childhood but nothing from her Hogwarts years, not that she had seen them much then anyway, she thought guiltily, having been too busy with Harry, Weasleys and Grimmauld Place to spend much time with her family. And now it was likely too late, they were lost to her in Australia unless she could improve the memory restoration procedure.

The first step had been to research Memory Restoration Charms. She'd spent the first two years of her Apprenticeship working on the problem and had finally reached a promising point last summer. She'd scoured the libraries for information but in the end the best source of knowledge had been the Unspeakables where Healer Trout had helped her find someone to talk to. She'd interviewed the Obliviators used by the Aurors but many of them weren't exactly careful, and didn't know much about the actual functions of the charms they used. The Unspeakables had, after a lengthy vetting process, allowed her to see a bit of their own research and she'd in turn promised to let them have review what she came up with. Adding Arithmancy and improving the Memory Potion would be the next step in order to perfect the solution, which would undoubtedly require even more tea and late nights.

After a bath in the luxurious tub she gratefully crawled up in the large bed, sprawling in the middle like a starfish. For once, sleep came quickly.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Luckily, or unfortunately depending on how she looked at it, her presentation was held already the first day of the conference in one of the smaller rooms just before the break for lunch. The main room had a talk on Charms In Translation by the French scholar Philemon Éluard, one of the leaders in the field and a wildly popular speaker, so there weren't too many people listening to her. She'd barely managed to listen to the first three speakers in her session, nerves causing her stomach to feel heavy and jittery at the same time.

Finally she was called up to present her research. Taking a deep breath she smoothed down her new robes, a rather professional-looking set in a lovely navy blue with white and gold trimmings, and stepped forward. As she walked onto the podium she thought she saw a familiar figure, a tall dark-haired wizard clad in black, standing by the back wall. Was he here? Of course he would be, he was after all a master in his field. Surprisingly enough she found that she was comforted by the thought of having him there, and as she drew breath to begin her presentation she addressed it all to him, forgetting about the other people in the room.

When she finished she was distracted by questions and people wanting to talk to her about her work, and she didn't see him when she finally managed to extricate herself from the room. Had she just imagined seeing Professor Snape? No, she was quite certain it had been him. She tried to look for him as she went down to the large ballroom where they served a light lunch, suddenly quite ravenous. She hadn't been able to eat anything for breakfast due to nerves, so she eagerly filled up a plate with various delicacies and found a quiet table off to the side where she could observe the other attendees. Round tables were scattered around the large room, with food served on a banquet table in the middle. Several magical chandeliers lit up the room which had a light wood half-panelling and gilded mirrors along one of the long walls.

Her thoughts circled back to her former Professor whom she hadn't seen in several years. During that awful day of the Final Battle she'd poured the last of her Dittany over his throat and had somehow managed to get him to swallow a Blood-Replenishing potion before dashing off with Ron and Harry, barely sparing him a second thought until afterwards when Harry had made it clear that the wizard had been on their side all along. She'd alerted Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall who had gone to fetch him from the Shack where he lay in a huge pool of blood, barely hanging onto life. Somehow they'd managed to save him. Hermione knew he'd been in hospital for at least three months before he was released, and then he'd been in house arrest for a few months while Hermione and Harry assisted Kingsley to clear him of all charges. She had visited him a few times at St Mungo's and twice in his old home before he was acquitted, bringing books and Potions journals. He hadn't exactly been glad to see her, and she'd lost track of him after the trial when he immediately left the country for a while.

After she left Hogwarts she'd stayed in touch with a few of the teachers, including Minerva, who had informed her that Professor Snape would return to teach Potions again the following autumn since Horace Slughorn wanted to go back to retirement. At first she'd been surprised to hear that he'd return but it seemed that he had mellowed slightly and was no longer quite as acerbic in the classroom, if Minerva was to be believed. Hermione had considered writing to him with some questions related to her project for Healer Trout, but the moment had passed without her doing anything about it.

A stray thought had her dig out the conference programme from her trusted bag. With a muttered spell she searched for his name, and soon found it. He was apparently going to present something on improvements to common potions in the main session on Saturday evening, she noted with mounting excitement. He seemed to be a guest of honour, specially invited by the organising committee to talk. She made a note in her planner to make sure she wouldn't miss it.

The afternoon was filled with interesting research topics. Hermione drifted from session to session, taking in everything from how to cure snow blindness with a potion brewed from eucalyptus leaves and cobra venin, to the latest updates on diagnostic charms for Healing and a very interesting talk on Curse-breaking in Minoan ruins.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Hermione was glad to go back to her room for a few hours after the last session, feeling exhausted by the sheer amount of people and information. She kicked off her pumps, removed her robes and flopped ungracefully onto the bed. Now that it was over, she was very grateful that her talk had been scheduled so early. It allowed her to enjoy the rest of the conference without nerves taking over too much, and she intended to make the best of it. Her head was already buzzing with new ideas from the afternoon's sessions, and that was only the start of it.

Later that evening there was a reception in the ballroom where attendees would be able to mingle over some cocktails and canapés. After a quick shower she chose a dark bronze short-sleeved cocktail dress for the evening, one of Luna's selections, and went down to join the others. Tall round tables were now scattered along the perimeter of the room, and several elves could be seen popping in and out with trays of refreshments.

She was resting by one of the tables with a glass of champagne, looking out over the assembled crowd of wizards and witches from all over the world, when he found her.

"Miss Granger."

He raised his champagne flute a couple of inches and inclined his head slightly in greeting. He looked well, clad in elegantly cut black dress robes with a swirling silver pattern along the lapels that looked almost like potions fumes from a cauldron. An emerald green cravat and a crisp white shirt completed the picture. His hair was tied back with a black ribbon, accentuating his dark eyes and sharp facial features, but he looked more relaxed and healthier than she'd ever seen him. Apparently not being under the thumb of two megalomaniac wizards agreed with him.

"Professor…"

He shook his head slightly, a tiny smile at the corner of his lips. "Not yours anymore, luckily. I heard your presentation, Miss Granger, you seem to have managed to stop regurgitating textbooks and started to think for yourself. "

She ignored the oddly backwards compliment, too flustered to think about it. "What should I call you then, sir?"

His dark intense gaze held her frozen in place. "Severus will do. It is, after all, my name, Miss Granger."

She shook her head. "Hermione, please. It is, after all, my name, Severus." She almost managed not to stumble on his name.

He smirked and raised his flute in another toast which oddly enough caused her breath to catch in her chest. Had she caught a cold somewhere?

"Did you enjoy the afternoon's sessions?" he asked, his dark gaze fixed on her eyes.

"Yes, did you go to the one on the Minoan ruins? I didn't know they used Egyptian Hieroglyphs and cuneiform together."

He raised an eyebrow at her but soon they were off, discussing the sessions and speakers. He was scathingly sarcastic whenever someone had said something that displeased him — _Why in Merlin_ _'s name would you use eucalyptus for snow blindness? That's ridiculous, the solution to a problem should be native to the environment where the problem is found, and myrtle leaves, pine needles or allspice would give the same effect_ — but he also managed to introduce her to several interesting persons in various fields of research.

It was interesting to see him like that, as if in his natural habitat, at ease among the other Masters that were also at the top of their fields. He appeared to be respected and valued for his knowledge in this community, although clearly a few of the attendees seemed wary around him. They were probably dunderheads, she thought, which he confirmed with a chuckle when she asked.

"Would you accompany me to the conference dinner tomorrow?" he suddenly asked, looking straight at her, eyebrow lifted slightly. "I fear to be saddled with one of those vapid witches who has bought their degree off the Prophet's ad pages, or one who either thinks me a Death Eater or — even worse — a hero."

"And you would prefer to be saddled with an insufferable know-it-all?"

He smirked at her. "I happen to find you rather more sufferable nowadays. I fear you're still a know-it-all, however, but one cannot have everything, of course."

"I'll gladly go with you then," she replied, suddenly breathless again.

~o~o~o~o~o~

The next day was even better than the first. For one, she wasn't a nervous wreck at breakfast and actually managed to savour the many choices offered by the hotel. Secondly, thanks in part to a certain Professor, she now recognised several of the other attendees and was able to strike up several interesting conversations already over the buffet choices. One or two of them also commented on her own presentation and asked relevant questions about her research.

"Are these seats free?" a young blonde witch asked, gesturing vaguely at Hermione's table. She appeared to be waiting for some friends too but Hermione didn't mind the company.

"Sure, go ahead."

Three young witches joined her, and soon Hermione had learned that they were from Norway but currently doing Apprenticeships in the Netherlands. Lise-Mari was studying under a well known Healer while Marit and Sofia were studying Potions in Nijmegen. It was nice to talk to others also doing Apprenticeships, who wouldn't find her study habits or odd research issues to be any stranger than their own, and they quickly exchanged contact details for later.

"We're going to the session on Ancient Potions this morning, what about you?" Marit said.

Hermione nodded. "Yes, that sounds interesting, could we sit together?"

"Sure, meet outside the room at five to? I need to go brush my teeth and so on."

"Perfect!"

She enjoyed the sessions even more in the company of the others, and tagged along to the sessions they wanted to attend. They listened to talks on Sumerian potions and the latest research into ancient Norse potions, which the three Norwegians enjoyed a lot. The following session was on how to set up wards created to protect very specific items, information or against specific targets. Hermione winced a little as the memories of her half-year camping trip surfaced, and the wards the presenters described were also very similar to what she had already used that year on the run. The memories still hurt, of the pervading fear, the misery of carrying the locket, the ever-present hunger and cold, Ron's betrayal.

At the end of that session she excused herself while the others went to eat lunch, needing a few minutes to calm down, and when she entered the ballroom she was immediately distracted by one of the researchers who had presented during the same session as her own and who wanted to discuss their respective research.

Severus' presentation was to be held in the largest room right after the lunch break. The room was already nearly full when Hermione made it there, but she snagged a seat quite close to the podium if a bit off to the side. Finally the lights dimmed and a hush fell over the room as he swooped in from the side entrance, robes fluttering behind him as impressively as ever at Hogwarts.

"I would expect all of you present here today to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is potion making. A few of you might even understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses…*" he began, his rich deep voice easily reaching the whole room seemingly without effort. "However, the teaching of potions is often fraught with inconsistencies and inefficiencies. Today I wish to show you improvements to several standard potions, both for household use and for teaching, and how to make them either more efficient for use or easier to brew."

A wave of his pale hand lit the fire under a cauldron which had been set up at a demo station close to the podium.

"Pepperup Potion is ubiquitous, simple and useful, a staple in most apothecaries and school infirmaries. However, the potion requires both Mandrake root and Bicorn horn, both of which are rather expensive ingredients for the use of merely curing a common cold. I will instead demonstrate a new approach to the potion, improving both the result and the recipe."

With a wave of his hand a new recipe started writing itself on the large board set up on stage, while the ingredients materialised next to the cauldron where a chopping board was already set up.

"As you can see, in this instance we need to alter quite a lot of the potion. It is important at this stage to remember what we are trying to achieve, rather than just trying to substitute individual ingredients. The aim of the Pepperup Potion is to cure the common cold, which as we all know is characterised by a sore throat, runny nose, coughing and a general sense of discomfort. If we want to remove both the Bicorn horn and the Mandrake root but retain similar properties of the potion, the Jewelweed needs to be balanced by something else instead. After much experimentation I have concluded that an infusion of Shrake spines and Doxy eggs can replace the Bicorn horn. Removing the Mandrake root requires us to look elsewhere for its healing properties. Looking into the nightshade family makes sense, and so we find a replacement in henbane and cayenne pepper extract. I also added magical ginger and a dash of honey for their well-known healing properties. The resulting brew is both cheaper to brew and more efficient at curing colds, flus and other respiratory illnesses, does not cause steam to emanate from your ears and nostrils, and has been properly registered with the Ministry and tested at St Mungo's."

He moved to another demo station already set up in the room. "Here we see another example of a way too complex potion that we are supposed to teach the children. The Elixir to Induce Euphoria is a rather silly potion with not too many legitimate uses, but it is still a good brewing exercise. Now, the standard way to brew this is ornery, wastes a lot of ingredients, and results in a substandard potion. Instead, we shall follow these steps…"

He gestured to the board where another updated potions recipe wrote itself, outlining how to add a sprig of peppermint and where to change the recipe to make better use of the efficacy of the ingredients.

The audience — and Hermione — were completely spellbound by his performance as he kept floating from one to the other while he outlined how to improve the brewing or efficacy of several important potions. The dark room was illuminated mainly by the flames of the cauldrons, casting the speaker's face in an eerie glow with ever shifting shadows as he moved around the room. The fumes from the potions and his deep velvety voice filled the room, commanding the attention of everyone.

"I am currently writing a new set of textbooks which will include these updated recipes and more. My aim is to improve the education of the next generation of potioneers but the books may also be used as a point of reference for anyone who sets foot near a cauldron. However, at least in Britain the contents of O. and N.E. are standardised by the Ministry, and as such it is necessary to change the testing standards to match the more up-to-date curriculum. This is not yet complete, so I fear we shall have to start by doubling the time teaching Potions, once with the better method and once with the substandard method for the tests."

A subdued laughter filled the room. He did have them hooked. He went on to show them more tricks of the trade, little things that improved yield or which would make the potions more efficient, such as what to look for when counting stirs, how to slice roots and reeds properly, how to de-bone a frog.

When he finally rounded off his lecture with a flourish of his wand, dousing the fires under the cauldrons and turning up the room's lights, Hermione felt as if she was coming out of a trance. She couldn't tell how long he had talked, if it had been twenty minutes or three hours. He bowed slightly to the rousing applause from the audience and appeared to look straight at her, raising an eyebrow while the corner of his lips quirked upwards slightly. She flushed, beaming a smile at him.

 **-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

A/N: I've unfortunately never been to Prague but when searching for suitable locations I stumbled across _The Alchymist Grand Hotel and Spa_ which just _has_ to be a Wizarding hotel, right? It looks completely magical in the pictures, too! Go on, Google it. I'll wait.

* this quote taken from Philosopher's Stone, which I'm sure you recognised

Sooo… we're turning up the heat a bit in the next chapter. Just sayin'. *shifty eyes*. Unfortunately, you'll have to wait a little as I want to write a bit more before posting so that I have time to edit the chapters a bit first. Aiming for next weekend!

/AA


	3. The Desire

**The Desire**

The afternoon had slipped away quickly and soon it was time for the conference dinner. She wore one of her new dresses, one of Ginny's selections, a dark green one with a halter V-neck and a high waist accentuated by the golden ribbon that spilled down the front of the dress. It was floor length as appropriate in the Wizarding world but brazenly backless, showing her shoulder blades and spine all the way down to the waist, necessitating some strategic charms in place of a bra. She rather liked the effect, especially coupled with her hair pinned half up which freed her face but allowed the curls to cascade down her back. He met her in the lobby and by the way his eyes widened at the sight of her, he approved. She smiled at him and couldn't resist twirling around to show him the back as well. His nostrils were flaring when she turned back to him.

"Lovely, Miss Granger," he purred and took her hand, ghosting a kiss over her knuckles.

Something fluttered deep in her stomach. "It's Hermione, remember? You look rather dashing tonight yourself, Master Snape."

He wore black, of course, but there was something about the fabric of his outer robes that made them appear to swirl around him even when he was still, as if he was cloaked in smoke. Underneath them he wore a tight frock coat with his Master's insignia on the lapel. The fabric shimmered like a scarab carapace, in deep green and black hues depending on the light.

He smirked at her and offered her his arm. Together they made their way to the ballroom which was now set up for dinner. Most of the attendees were already busy mingling in the foyer, drinking champagne while waiting for the doors to open. There was a seating plan posted near the door. Large round tables were scattered over the floor with a podium for the organising committee. She scanned the plan for their names. Severus was seated quite close to the podium, and she almost missed the subtle flick of his wand which swapped the name of the witch he was seated next to with hers.

"Fancy that," he said blandly. "It seems I do get to escort you to the table. How fortuitous."

She giggled and agreed that it was quite fortunate indeed.

The dinner was excellent, of course, as was the company. They were seated with a renowned German Charms Master, one Curse Breaker from Bulgaria, a member of the organising committee and another Potions Master from France, and the discussion around the table was lively and interesting. Hermione hadn't felt as inspired in years. Severus was attentive, witty and seemed completely at ease in the formal setting. He made sure that she was included in the discussion, asked what she thought of the food, his dark eyes resting on her when she talked.

Finally dinner ended and the chairman called for everyone to leave the room while the tables were cleared away. She took his proffered arm, feeling oddly flustered at his proximity. A sudden need for a bathroom break made itself known and she was grateful for the distraction.

"Pardon me, I'll be right back." The wine she'd had already was making itself known in the heavy feeling in her legs and bladder.

He nodded, his eyes following her as she walked off in search of a bathroom. The three Norwegian witches she met earlier were already there, freshing up their makeup in front of the mirror.

Marit saw her first, and looked up with a smile. "Hi Hermione, how are you? Did you go to Master Snape's lecture?"

Hermione smiled in return. "Hi, yes I did, he's my old Potions professor you know. Didn't I mention that already?"

"Yes, Marit, didn't you see her sitting with him at dinner?" Sofia asked her friend, waving a powder brush around.

"Oh, yes you're right," Marit said as she checked her lipstick. "He's quite dashing, isn't he? I'd have been horribly distracted if I had to sit in his class. Those hands… and that voice…"

Hermione shook her head. "He made sure to keep everyone away at school. But you're right, he looks rather nice today, doesn't he?"

She hadn't really questioned why he had asked for her company. During the days of the conference, and the dinner, it had become obvious that he was seen rather differently in this setting compared to at Hogwarts or in Britain. Here, there was no scorn or disdain for his looks, his personality or his background. He could have had the company of any attending witch, she was sure of it. Why had he chosen her?

"He's flirting with you, isn't he?" Lise-Mari asked, looking directly at Hermione. "I saw the way he looks at you. Like he wants to either eat you or steal you away to his tower."

Hermione blushed. "No… of course not, he was my professor!"

"Uh-huh," Lise-Mari said with one of those knowing smirks that Ginny also had perfected. "And he's glaring at all the other males in the room that happen to look at you just because he corrected your essays back then."

Hermione excused herself to the bathroom and when she was done, her three new friends had already left.

There was dancing, too, once the room was cleared and the band had finished tuning their instruments. The levitating chandeliers lighting the room were slowly rotating, creating an effect not far from a Muggle disco ball as light hit the prisms from different angles.

"Would you honour me with a dance, Hermione?" he asked when the band started playing a waltz.

She flushed red as she placed her hand in his and stepped up to face him. His hand grasped her waist while her hand rested on his firm shoulder. He smelled nice, of something vaguely herbal, sandalwood and parchment. He danced well, leading her expertly around the room while holding her perhaps a little closer than necessary. Not that she minded, he was miles better than either Ron or Harry when it came to dancing, which of course wasn't too difficult.

"I've never seen you dance, Professor." She looked up at him, their height difference all the more pronounced with proximity.

He smirked at her. "You haven't had much reason to, I presume. Being friends with the Malfoys meant dancing was mandatory, and Narcissa would never allow me to get away with dancing badly. However, I've only danced at Hogwarts under duress."

The hours whizzed by without her noticing. She danced with a few other wizards who gathered the courage to ask, but noticed that Lise-Mari hadn't been far off the mark: his trademark glare kept most of the others away, and he only danced with two others, both notably older witches whom he said he knew from his own Apprenticeship and other work. Slowly the crowd thinned as people started leaving, and the two of them found a bar table in a secluded corner for a bit of a rest. He was slowly sipping a local herbal liquor while she was nursing a tonic water drink.

The whole experience had been wonderful, so far, and there was still one full day remaining of the conference plus another morning. Meeting all these new people, listening to all of the interesting lectures … and connecting with one Severus Snape. She could never have guessed that he'd be so interesting to talk to, or that he'd make her insides go all fluttery.

"Would you kiss me?" she blurted out. Shit, she hadn't meant to say that out loud.

His eyes widened. "Witch, you shouldn't start something you have no intention of finishing," he murmured but still he slowly moved closer to her. The closeness made her shiver.

"Who's to say I don't?" she retorted, looking straight into his dark eyes.

He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Wouldn't the youngest Mr Weasley rather disagree with that statement? I think Minerva mentioned something about you being associated with him, not that I understand why you'd settle for someone like him in the first place."

She shook her head and glowered at her glass. "He disagrees with me being here in the first place. To be honest, I couldn't care less about him right now. I don't know why we're even together."

"I see," he said slowly, sipping his glass and looking out over the mingling crowd before apparently coming to a decision. "Well, I've never been accused of being a good man, Hermione. However, I will give you until tomorrow to think this through properly."

She chased the bitter sting of disappointment over his rejection down with another sip of her drink. Did she… would she really dare to take him up on it? Would she want to, even? What was she thinking?

"I should go to bed," she murmured. "It's getting late and I want to listen to that first session tomorrow on Polish herbal porridge poultices."

He smirked. "Certainly."

He followed her to the lift where they were joined by several other conference attendees. She slipped out on the fourth floor with a shy smile at him, not wanting to give anything away to the others in the lift, and walked slowly to her room, still embarrassed by her own daring and his rejection.

Just as she was about to stick the key in the lock he grasped her arm gently, and spun her around to face him. He was close, she'd only have to lean forward a little to come into contact with the hard plane of his chest.

"Hermione…" he murmured. He raised a hand to her hair and pushed back a strand that had broken free from her updo. "You enthralled me ever since I first saw you here, now in your rightful element free from those dunderheads you associate with. I am not a good man, witch. You offer me something I very much want, and I have no wish to be noble about it."

She barely had the time to nod before his lips grazed hers, causing her to gasp despite the relative chasteness of his kiss. He withdrew and quirked an eyebrow at her, always that eyebrow, and she all but flung herself at him, pulling his head down for better access. Their lips met. One of his hands tangled in her hair while the other pulled her body close to his. She nibbled at his lower lip, requesting more, and he complied by opening up to her, his tongue seeking hers. He tasted of liquor and want and something delightfully him. She raked her fingers through his hair, marvelling over the fact that she was actually kissing him, Professor Snape, before all thought fled when he deepened the kiss again and pushed her against the wall next to her door. He broke free and started trailing kisses along her neckline, her jaw, nibbling her earlobe. She could feel his arousal against her lower belly and was sure her knickers were absolutely drenched.

After a long time he pulled back, denying her further access to his mouth. He looked delightfully ravaged, his hair mussed, lips swollen from her kisses.

"Witch, I must stop before I take you right here in the corridor," he told her. "Sleep well, Hermione."

He pressed a kiss to her forehead and before she could protest he had already turned on the spot and was stalking down the hallway.

~o~o~o~o~o~

She had thought that she wouldn't be able to fall asleep after being almost ravaged in the corridor by a certain dark-haired Slytherin, but to her surprise sleep came quickly after she'd struggled out of her dress and makeup, and she woke up the next day feeling both elated and hungry for more.

There were fewer people eating breakfast than the day before, she noted, but Marit and Sofia were already there so she joined their table. She didn't see Severus anywhere which was probably good, she thought, as she didn't want to broadcast what they had done to everyone in attendance. Luckily they didn't ask any nosey questions, allowing her to focus on her scrambled eggs and toast while the others talked about their plans for the day. Elfriede Obermeier, the German Charms Master who had sat next to Severus during the dinner was speaking later that day, and they'd all agreed that her lecture on communication charms sounded very interesting.

She didn't see Severus again until lunchtime, actually, when he smirked at her just as she was carrying a tray full of various delicacies off to the Norwegian witches' table.

"Would you care to accompany me to dinner tonight, Hermione? Somewhere out in the city? I'd rather not have to mingle again tonight."

That was an easy question to answer. "I'd love to."

He nodded with what appeared to be relief. "I'll meet you in the lobby at half six then, if that is alright with you?"

"Perfect, Severus."

She rejoined her new friends who were busy discussing the virtues of long-distance communication charms, and during the rest of the day she managed to immerse herself in knowledge, research and the academic environment together with like-minded people.

~o~o~o~o~o~

That's how she found herself seated across from Severus Snape in a small but elegant restaurant, in a secluded corner that lent itself excellently to intimate discussions. She'd settled on a deep blue floor-length dress that shimmered when she walked and looked modest unless she turned too fast, showing the high slit at the side that bared half her thigh. It felt odd to dress up all the time compared to her usual outfit at work, but she found she rather liked how she looked in her new robes.

He'd asked her what she liked and then ordered for both of them, utilising a translation charm that seemed to do its job as the waiter didn't as much as bat an eyelid at the string of unintelligible phrases he uttered. The food was excellent, the wine divine, and the company utterly mesmerising. His dark eyes held her gaze, drawing her in. He'd asked her about her life, what she'd done after Hogwarts, how she enjoyed her Apprenticeship, and she'd talked through the appetiser and main course almost without stopping. Still, he didn't appear bored, to her utter bewilderment. He'd even asked relevant, probing questions when she stopped talking to draw breath, take a bite or drink some wine.

She smiled at him over her wineglass. "Well, now you know what I've been doing, but what about you?"

He shrugged and looked out over the restaurant. "Horace stayed on for a year after the war while I was recovering but was adamant to leave after that, so I promised Minerva I'd stay at Hogwarts until she could find a decent replacement. I inherited his apprentice too so if all goes well, Miss Bulstrode will be able to take over my position in about a year at the start of the following school year."

Hermione frowned. "Bulstrode… Millicent? She's not exactly the kind of person I'd have expected you to take on as an apprentice."

That eyebrow of his rose again. "Miss Bulstrode is perhaps not one to do groundbreaking research, but she is more than adequate in her role both as an Apprentice and a future Professor. She kept her head down during her school years, seeing as Misters Potter, Weasley, Longbottom and Draco Malfoy stole most of the limelight along with you of course. She always wrote concise and well researched essays and her potions were always of acceptable quality. I also happen to wish to see her succeed rather than suffer for her father's misplaced loyalties, and this Apprenticeship kept her away from an arranged marriage that would have ended in misery."

She blushed and lowered her gaze to the candle lighting up the table. "I'm sorry, of course you're right. I hope she enjoys teaching, then."

That smirk on his face again made odd things happen to her insides. "Well, she's survived thus far and seems to tolerate the little blighters better than I do, not that _that_ is a very difficult achievement, so I still harbour the hope that I may be released sooner rather than later."

Talk returned to other topics as they finished off their entrees, such as Hogwarts and the talks from the conference. Before long, the efficient waiter had cleared away their plates and returned with dessert menus. They squabbled over translations before ordering, Hermione hoping she got it right.

His intense gaze caught her eyes again. "It seems I have you to thank for being here today, Hermione. For a long time I was unaware of your actions during that period. Not until I returned to Hogwarts was I informed by Poppy that you were the one to save me with Dittany and Blood-Replenisher, and then you had saved me again by working to clear my name during the trial." He took a deep breath. "It seems I owe you a life debt."

Her eyes started to water. "I'm so relieved that you survived," she said. "I didn't know of your true loyalties then, but there was something that didn't sit right with you being Voldemort's and I always doubted the official story. Even back then I just couldn't let you die like that but I didn't think I did enough, there was so much blood, Severus. I still have nightmares about you and Nagini sometimes." She shuddered, remembering him on the floor, deathly pale, bright red blood spurting from his throat in time with his weakening pulse until she managed to seal it with Dittany. She'd poured what was left of her meagre stash of Blood-Replenishing Potion down his throat and cast a general healing spell at him but then time had run out and she'd run off without even looking back as he lay dying on the dirty floor. Her eyes watered when she thought about it. The fact that she'd alerted Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall of his location and status didn't feel enough to atone for the fact that she'd left him to die, alone and in pain.

"I'm sorry Severus, I'm so sorry for leaving you there all alone," she choked out and hid her face in her napkin, fearing that if she let the tears fall now she'd never manage to stop, and wouldn't that be a nice way to end such a lovely dinner?

"Hermione…" He reached across the table for her hand. "Don't be sorry, Hermione. Thank you for saving me. Although I didn't wish to continue living at the time, my life has been infinitely better these past years than ever before. Now I finally have a future to look forward to."

His hand was solid, warm, callused from his brewing. Her own hand looked tiny when matched with his long fingers but the touch grounded her, pulling her back to the present.

A thought struck her. "Did you ask me out because of the life debt?" Did he feel obliged to spend time with her, to be polite and attentive?

"No, never that," he hastened to answer. "I merely wished to see more of you, to get to know the real you past Hogwarts and our respective façades. "

She smiled at him. "Good, I don't want you to feel indebted to me. You've had enough people binding you to their service, I don't want to become the next one."

He inclined his head at her but didn't let go of her hand. Instead, his thumb started tracing slow circles on the back of her hand, sending shivers of pleasure all the way down to her thigh.

Dessert were served almost without Hermione noticing, being lost in the intensity that was Severus Snape's full attention. It was completely intoxicating. Still, when she discovered the rich chocolate cake deposited on her plate she couldn't help but to declare it completely divine once she'd taken her first bite. Severus had chosen the local Strudel which was equally excellent. She forced him to taste her cake, hardly believing her own daring, feeding Hogwarts Potions Master chocolate cake from her own fork across the table, but the way his eyelids fluttered shut clearly showed he liked it. She was offered a piece of his dessert the same way, on his fork, his eyes tracing its path to her mouth as she tasted it.

"There's one thing…" she began tentatively once they were nearly done with dessert. He raised an eyebrow at her, giving her courage to continue. "During the War… we were caught and brought to Malfoy Manor, I don't know if you heard about it?" He nodded. Damn, this was still hard to talk about. She thought she'd overcome it by now but the tears were threatening to fall. "Bellatrix… she did things. I've learned to accept it but when I read your article in _Hippocratic Corpus_ I thought that perhaps…"

His hand grasped hers again. "Hermione. If I can help you, of course I will. That article was about cursed scars, is that what you're implying?"

She nodded, still fighting tears. Damn it all, why couldn't she keep herself together? He dug around in his pockets and fished out a pristine white handkerchief which he handed to her. She took it gratefully, trying to keep herself from falling apart.

"You can show me later and I'll do what I can to help you, regardless. Bellatrix… I'm glad Molly got her, but I still sometimes wish to bring her back from the dead only to kill her again. She tortured you?"

Suddenly she was back there, in Malfoy Manor's drawing room, again. The world shrank to remembered pain, her own shrieks and Bellatrix' laughter as she was Crucio'd and cut, with Fenrir Greyback panting in anticipation somewhere behind her.

"Hermione…" a voice said, breaking through the haze of agony. "You're not there anymore. Come back to me."

Strong arms lifted her and she gradually became aware of sitting across a man's lap, his arms around her, a hand rubbing circles on her back.

"I'm sorry," she managed, mortified at breaking into pieces practically on top of Severus Snape.

"Shh, don't be, it's alright, you're safe now. Come, let us leave." Apparently he had already settled the bill. He helped her put her coat on which was a bit difficult since she refused to let go of him.

It seemed the most natural thing in the world to follow him back to his room after that. He had apparently been given one of the top suites as befitted one of the key speakers, also in the Muggle part of the hotel. He had a sitting area with cream-coloured furniture matching the golden-coloured walls, contrasted by dark wooden beams in the ceiling and the same style of furniture as in her room, although his curtains were royal blue and gold rather than red. He gestured for her to settle on the couch, and she did so after kicking off her heels which earned her a smirk. Meanwhile, he had managed to pour two glasses of cognac and handed one to her before seating himself to her left, next to her but not close enough to touch.

"Wow, your mini bar is well stocked," she commented after accepting her glass.

He shook his head and swirled the amber liquid around before dipping his considerable nose in the glass, inhaling the fumes. "No, this was a gift here at the conference from one of my French colleagues."

"This whole experience has been, sorry to say it, but, completely magical," Hermione admitted. "I've never felt less out of place anywhere, despite having to wear fancy robes all the time."

He smiled, a rather open smile that she'd never seen on his face before. "I know the feeling. I daresay that if you were to ask the other attendees many would agree with you, even about the robes."

They lapsed into silence, Hermione thinking about the whole experience and the man beside her. She had no idea what he was thinking about, but somehow she found herself resting against his side, her head on his shoulder while his arm traced intricate runes over her upper arm. He was warm and solid in that wiry way but she felt safe with him. Protected. Cherished, even, although she couldn't quite make sense of why. Somehow her own right hand had found its way across his chest. She could feel his heartbeat under her palm and all his layers of clothing, a reassuring steady beat under her hand. Somehow she must have worked on unbuttoning his frock coat without really noticing, as he suddenly inhaled sharply when her hand rested directly on his crisp cotton shirt.

His free hand came down to clasp hers, causing her to look up at him. He dipped his head down to ghost a kiss over her lips. "You want this, Hermione? I'm not a good man. I know you're in a supposed relationship, although I cannot fathom why you would choose to saddle yourself with that ginger menace. I won't offer you anything like that. No declarations of love, no relationship, nothing of the sort, only pleasure and understanding. You're a lovely young witch, Hermione. You deserve to be treated as such."

"What about you? Are you seeing anyone now, then?"

He shook his head. "No. There have been a few brief dalliances but I quickly tire of witches lured by those articles in the _Prophet_."

She grimaced, she knew what he meant. The paper had not known what to do with one Severus Snape, and so he truly was painted as scoundrel or saint depending on something she was yet to discern, perhaps the weather or what mood the editor's wife was in that day. Still, she'd seen his name associated with various fashionable witches, their pictures taken during Malfoy receptions or semi-mandatory Ministry events. She had no claims to this man, no right to ask for more than she already had, as even that was technically speaking taking it too far considering her own relationship status.

He dipped his head down towards her. When his mouth was almost touching hers he stilled, his breath hot against her skin. "I'd be honoured to have you, Hermione."

"Yes… Yes, Severus."

She didn't care anymore, about anything. His lips found hers again, his tongue begging for entry, his hands pulling her tight against his lean body. She opened up for him, tasting the cognac and something uniquely him on his tongue. He was hot and insistent but somehow her own need matched his, her hands tangling themselves in his hair, raking his scalp which caused a delightful growl from him. She wanted, wanted, now please thankyouverymuch. Heat was pooling in her belly, soaking her knickers. He pulled her up in his lap, his hand kneading her bum while his other hand was tangled in her hair, his thumb by her cheek. She moaned into his mouth, deepening the kiss even further, battling his tongue.

For some reason he broke free from her mouth. "Are you protected, witch?" he asked.

Oh. Right. Well, at least one of them managed to keep their head. "Yes… potion," she said and pulled his head down for another kiss.

"If you don't mind, let us relocate to the bedroom," he murmured gravelly.

She couldn't quite answer but managed to nod before squealing undignified when he hoisted her up along with him and carried her to the bedroom where he deposited her on the bed before removing his frock coat and boots. She reached for him, feeling oddly bereft when he wasn't touching her, before he descended on her again and she was lost in passion. The hard length of him was pressed against her lower stomach, the contact causing another gush of need through her body. He nibbled a trail down from her ear to her collar bone, causing goose bumps all down her spine.

"Off," she gasped in his mouth, trying to pull his shirt off his shoulders with limited success. She had to refrain from kissing him in order to manage it but couldn't resist his sharp jawline and throat. He tasted just perfect, something rich and spicy mixed with parchment and herbs.

"Bossy little witch," he murmured. She could feel his smile against her skin.

"Don't you forget it," she told him and continued her assault on his buttons.

She wasn't sure who was groaning when she managed to peel off his shirt. He was lean, with sparse black hairs on his sternum and below his navel, and some scars scattered across his chest. She couldn't resist running her hands over him, marvelling in the silky feel of his skin and the way he looked at her when she touched him. He smelled nice too, of something earthy mixed with parchment and a hint of sandalwood. She bent forward to ghost a kiss over his nipple, causing him to hiss in pleasure before he took charge again, pulling her dress over her head before flipping her down on the bed.

"Exquisite…" he murmured as he gazed down on her before his eyes snapped to hers again, smouldering with heat. "How many times should I make you come tonight, witch?"

That confused her for a second, but soon she realised that he meant exactly that as his hands seemed to be everywhere at once, mapping her body. He found spots that she had never thought to be sensitive, using hands, mouth and nose to trace her contours. She tried to pull him closer but he resisted, so she ended up stroking his arms, his back, his head instead. She could do nothing but to hold on to anything she found as he drove her mad with lust, and he hadn't even touched her breasts or anything more sensitive yet. When his left hand finally snaked up to her breast she almost sobbed in relief at the touch. He soon followed with his mouth, laving hot, open-mouthed kisses on both of her breasts, mapping out their shapes with his nose before finally tweaking one nipple between his long fingers while his mouth descended on the other one. She slung a leg over his arse in response, wanting him closer, needing more.

From absolutely nowhere an orgasm hit her when he managed to hit some sort of rhythm in his sucking of one nipple while tweaking the other, making her hips gyrate in tandem.

"That was one," he rather uselessly informed her, with the most satisfied male smirk she'd ever seen.

She reached for him, needing comfort and touch as she came down from her high. He seemed to understand and held her close, peppering her face with kisses until she'd recovered enough to seek out his lips again for a deeper kiss. She could feel his undeniable arousal against her thigh, but he was still wearing trousers just as she still had her knickers on. She started fumbling with the fly on his black slacks but had to give up.

"Off!"

"Are you a witch or aren't you?" he asked before Banishing his trousers and underwear somewhere else.

"I doubt you want to try my wandless aim right now."

When she reached down to pull off her own knickers he stopped her. "No, allow me." He started to shimmy down the bed before she had the time to properly feel him up, but her flash of disappointment was quickly forgotten under his talented hands and oh, that tongue. He did unspeakable things to her belly button, his hands circling her waist. He moved lower, his weight locking one of her legs in place while he trailed kisses down her stomach and along the edge of her knickers before slowly, way too slowly pulling them down. She eagerly helped him in his liberation efforts and had completely forgotten about feeling anxious or worried about him seeing her when he finally had her bare right in front of his face, his breath hot on her skin.

The relief when he finally touched her properly, tracing a long finger along her labia, quickly gave way to blazing hot lust when he started touching her properly. He dipped a finger into her and then pulled it out, circling her clit.

"Show me your rhythm, sweet," he murmured against her thigh.

Hesitantly she reached down to touch herself, his large finger meeting hers. She started rubbing her clit the way she liked it, and it didn't take him long to insert his own fingers into the mix and pull her hand off, sucking the moistened fingers into his mouth. His tongue twirled around her digits, lapping up her juices before releasing her. Meanwhile he had apparently perfected the rhythm she'd shown him and she could feel herself being pulled higher and higher towards another orgasm. Just as it hit she felt his hot mouth descend on her and when he sucked her clit into his mouth she shattered, howling his name, clutching at his hair with her hands as an anchor.

"Excellent, sweet."

He allowed her to pull him up again for another kiss. She could taste herself on his lips, that musky sweet slippery juice. This time she wanted to do some exploring of her own, to see what made him tick, this oddly mysterious man whom she both knew and didn't know at all. He allowed her to trace his face with her fingers, ghosting kisses over his eyebrows, his sharp jawline, his nose, but she felt him go tense when she approached his ear and he twisted out of her reach when she tried to kiss his neck. _Oh_ _… Nagini. Of course._ She didn't see much scar tissue in the dim light but she could very well understand his reluctance. Kissing his mouth again in apology she then swiftly made her way down to his chest, trailing her lips to the closest flat nipple. She flicked it with her tongue which caused him to groan, his cock twitching next to her arm, almost as if in invitation. She kissed a path down his stomach while her hand started carding his coarse pubic hair. His balls happened to be in the way of her hand, so she cupped them which elicited a groan from their owner. His cock hovered nearly at eye level with her and she finally took mercy on him, wrapping a hand around the base. He was thicker than Ron's, rigid and hot to the touch. When she looked up at his face he had arranged the pillows so that he had a better view without straining his neck, and he looked completely blissed out. His eyes widened when she stuck out her tongue, not breaking eye contact, and gently licked the slit at the tip of his cock. He tasted salty of precum already, a fact that made her oddly pleased. She did affect this taciturn wizard after all.

She shifted closer. When she engulfed his dick head with her mouth his hips bucked sharply, causing his cock to hit the roof of her mouth. He'd closed his eyes and was fisting the sheets, apparently trying to stay in control. She set a slow pace, more intent on exploring him than on making him cum, her hand wrapped loosely at the base for stability. It really was a fine specimen of cock, thick and rigid, not that she had much to compare him with. There was Ron of course… and two handjobs for Viktor, and that was it in terms of Hermione Granger's sexual experience if one didn't count erotic novels. He tasted better too, clean but with that male musky scent and something that was uniquely him. She sped up gradually, almost without noticing, and tightened the grip with her hand which moved up and down his shaft to meet the movements of her mouth.

"Mercy, Granger," he groaned suddenly and pulled her off his cock. He descended on her mouth, kissing her hard, almost as if he was trying to possess her. She didn't mind his passion, though, in fact it was rather empowering to be the cause of such intense emotion.

He gentled his kiss and pulled her snug against his body, his erection poking her hip. She could feel the thrum of his heartbeat through her cheek, resting against his chest. She pulled her head back slightly to look him in the eye and raised her hand to stroke his temple, his earlobe.

"Severus, fuck me," she whispered when he made no move to, well, move.

His attention snapped back to her, like a stage lamp lighting up the scene. "I'd be honoured to," he murmured, his deep voice resonating within her, hitting a certain spot that made her pussy even wetter.

He growled again and flipped her on her back, following up immediately with a heated kiss while the hand he didn't use to support himself quickly buried itself between her legs. He let his thumb circle her clit rhythmically and slipped a finger inside again, causing her hips to arch to meet him. Another finger joined the first, causing her to gasp again and reach for his shoulders. She could feel his smile against her mouth as he nudged her legs open with his knee and settled properly between them, bracing most of his weight on one elbow. His erection brushed against her curls, causing both of them to gasp. She'd never felt as wanton before, aching with need for him to fill her.

He rubbed his length over her wet lips for lubrication before he adjusted his angle and pushed the head inside of her. It felt absolutely fantastic. He grimaced from holding back as he rocked back and forth slowly, but she couldn't resist raising her hips to meet him, encouraging him to go deeper. He smirked and lowered his head to kiss her before snapping his hips hard against her, causing her to gasp when he filled her completely.

Soon he'd set a steady rhythm, not very fast but deep. He pulled one of her knees up, hooking her leg over his elbow. The new angle allowed him to hit her g-spot and despite the rather slow rhythm it didn't take long at all for her to feel the build-up to another orgasm. She reached for him, needing an anchor, something to ground her while he steadily drove her beyond herself. She raked her nails across his upper arms and pulled him down for another kiss. Soon, faster than she'd ever expected, her orgasm hit again, that strange mixture of tension and relaxation causing her to arch her back and howl into his mouth. Nothing existed but the two of them, and she'd lost track of who was who. He soon followed, picking up the intensity while she rode out the waves of pleasure, prolonging it. He grunted and grimaced when he came deep within her just as she relaxed.

He collapsed on top of her, panting hard. She welcomed his weight on top of her and wrapped her arms around his neck, refusing to let him off. She could feel his sweat mingling with hers, his breath against her ear, slowly levelling out.

Finally he rolled off her and she grasped his hand as they lay side by side, not wanting to let go of the physical connection.

"Wow. I didn't know it could be like that."

He chuckled. "Really?" He raised an eyebrow at her. "I have no patience for bad sex, but it seems we are surprisingly compatible. Have your previous lovers really not managed to satisfy you?"

She shook her head, too dazed to think. It had never been like that with Ron, never this urgent, this strong. Ron had never bothered learning to please her and she hadn't known how to ask. He rolled towards her and kissed her forehead before casting a wandless Scourgify on them both.

"Stay the night?" he asked, looking oddly vulnerable lying naked on the white sheets.

She nodded, how could she not? After padding off to the gorgeous bathroom for a quick clean-up she made her way back to his bed, burrowing as close to him as she could. They fell asleep in a tangle of limbs.

~o~o~o~o~o~

The next morning she woke up to see him already up, dressed in one of the hotel's white bath robes, his hair wet from a shower. She felt oddly bereft of the experience of waking up next to him, but the sight of him in a bath robe was also one she'd cherish.

"Good morning," he told her, a smile evident in his voice even if his lips only twitched a little upwards.

"Morning," she admitted. She snuck off to the bathroom, once again awed by the lavish luxury provided. There was an extra bath robe available, and she gladly slipped into the fluffy white gown before padding back out to Severus who was still in the bedroom.

"Will you show me the scar, Hermione? You're still wearing a glamour?"

She nodded, hesitantly. Ron had always been grossed out by it so she usually had it covered unless she was alone, same with the ugly slash across her sternum from Dolohov in the Department of Mysteries.

"Why did you create the salve?" she asked, stalling for time.

He gestured towards his throat. "Nagini's bite, although it is not completely erased yet. Aesthetics aside, I couldn't abide with the feeling of too tight skin in places. It also served to get rid of the remains of the Dark Mark, and several other old scars. Now, show me?"

She took a deep breath and nodded. He did have good reason to need a scar healing salve, after all. He probably wouldn't judge her for her own marks, any more than she would judge him for his. She let the bath robe fall to the floor. " _Finite Incantatem_ ", she murmured. The letters were still not healed properly and stood out angrily red against her skin, some of them partially scabbed over. She clutched her arm against her stomach where the ugly rope-like scar from Dolohov also had appeared, but at least that one was properly closed.

Slowly she turned towards him and unfurled her arm from her body. He took her hand in his, her palm up, and the gentle touch of his hand was in stark contrast to the look of utter fury she saw in his face. His lips were pinched tight and he was glaring daggers at the letters, as if his gaze could kill the perpetrator by proxy.

"It's just a word," she murmured.

"Wait here," he told her, his gaze finally snapping up to meet her eyes, and he rose abruptly and stalked from the room. She felt confused, had she done something wrong?

A minute later he returned, a jar of salve in his hands. He twisted the lid off and took a dollop of it on a finger as he sat down on the bed next to her again. He took her arm gently and started smearing a thick layer of salve over the disfiguring letters. Somehow it felt even more intimate than sex, sitting naked next to him on a hotel bed while he gently and thoroughly massaged the white salve into her arm.

Gradually she became aware of a tingling sensation all along her lower arm, causing her to gasp. "Severus…" She could almost see the letters receding through the thick white paste, but surely that must be wishful thinking only.

He raised an eyebrow at her but didn't cease his ministrations. "Is it tingling? It should, that means your immune system is rejecting the curse. Since you've had it for quite some time the results won't come immediately but if you continue applying this daily you should see a marked difference within a few months. May I treat your other scar as well?"

She nodded and laid down again on the pillows, trying to keep her newly greased arm from touching the bedsheets. He appeared to drink in the sight of her naked in his bed, but whispered a spell at her arm which encased it in a transparent bandage before he started the procedure anew on the slanted scar that went from just below her clavicle, across her sternum and down under her breast. Although it had faded to a dark pink it was still ropelike and taut in places, but his gentle touch on it felt divine.

His head lowered towards her breast even as he finished rubbing the salve into her skin and wrapped it with the same bandage spell. "Hermione, you look completely delectable at the moment. I hope you don't mind too much if I ravish you?"

"By all means," she said and waved a hand vaguely in his direction. "Do continue, good sir."

He smirked up at her before his head dipped to her breast and his teeth lightly worried at her nipple. She gasped at the contact, it felt as if bolts of energy surged from her breast down to her pussy. Her hand rose to his still wet hair, keeping him in place. More, she needed more, now please thank you.

He shifted lower on the bed, trailing kisses along her stomach. His hands wandered lower, lower still. She shivered when he first touched her folds, his lips quickly following, causing her to groan from their hot, silky touch. Her hands tangled in his hair almost without her noticing. The hot flush of need rose urgently in her body and he had her howling his name in no time at all. Before she came down from her high, he quickly moved back up her body, positioning himself right before driving his hard cock into her.

"Oh!" she gasped when he filled her. "Severus…"

Her hips rose to meet him, urging him on, faster, harder, more. She ran her hands over his biceps and shoulders. This time he set a much faster pace, slamming into her deep enough to graze her cervix but the pain mixed with enough pleasure to make her want more. She wanted to see him let go. Her legs snaked up to his waist, changing up the angle to give her g-spot another rough massage.

"Severus!" Her orgasm built quickly and she gasped his name just before it hit. She could feel her inner muscles clamp down on him and apparently that was just what was needed to make him come too with a grimace.

She pulled him down on top of her again as they rode out their highs, slowly coming back to their own bodies again.

"If you don't have any pressing arrangements I will order room service for breakfast," he said and kissed her forehead. "Do you want a shower?"

"You have the best ideas, Severus Snape," she grinned.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Breakfast was lovely but she was suddenly hit by the realisation that they were due to part ways again. There weren't any other sessions, so all she needed to do was to return to her own room, pack her things, check out and make her way to the Portkey station by Floo. How could she return to the real world after this weekend?

"May I see you again?" she half whispered after she'd pulled her high heels back on for the short trek down to her room. She placed a hand on his chest, slowly tracing the pattern of his frock coat.

He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. "If you so wish, Hermione."

"Good. I do so wish." She looked up to meet his gaze.

A slow, private smile crept up over his face before he broke her line of sight by leaning forward to press a slow kiss to her forehead.

 **-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

 **A/N:** So. There you have it. What's a girl to do when torn between _should_ and _want_? What are the consequences and how do you live with yourself?

Let me know what you think!


	4. The Return

**The Return**

Returning home was oddly disconcerting. She felt like a completely different person but everyone else saw her just the same as she had been a week ago. Her blood fizzed with Severus Snape, his touches, his kisses, his passion. And yet he'd made it clear, very clear, that he didn't seek a relationship with her — not that she was at liberty to seek one out, anyway. She had absolutely no idea what to tell her friends. _Oh by the way I met up with Professor Snape, you know, your favourite teacher at Hogwarts? He shagged me senseless at the conference and now I can_ _'t stop thinking about him._ That would go over well with all of them. Especially Ron. No… she didn't want to think about him, not now.

Crookshanks wasn't impressed, she'd sent him off to Ginny and Harry at Grimmauld for the time she was away and he gave her a disdainful flick of his tail when she brought him back through the Floo. The half-Kneazle settled in for a demonstrative and thorough grooming session on her favourite spot on the couch. Luckily, neither Harry nor Ginny had had much time for a long interrogation when she went to Grimmauld to pick him up.

Coming back to work was equally odd but luckily Lucy was busy at another department for most of the week, shadowing Healers at the Spell Damage ward, and so Hermione could zone out in peace in her office when memories of his touch, his taste, his gaze assaulted her. She quickly wrote a report from the conference for the rest of the department. Healer Trout was very interested in her meeting with Severus Snape, and asked her to consider reaching out to him for a collaboration or mentoring on the potions part of her Apprenticeship. She'd ducked her head quickly to hide the rising blush but managed to mumble something about promising to think about it.

~o~o~o~o~o~

On a whim she made her way to Diagon Alley the following Saturday. The street was full of people but for once the crowds didn't make her nervous, instead she revelled in the anonymity provided by the throng of people. She ducked into Scribbulus Writing Implements and managed to find a couple of leather-bound research notebooks with automatic indexing and spill-resistant pages which sounded perfect for potions experiments. She bought two, one in blue for herself and one green, not really questioning why until she was out of the shop. Why had she bought that? It had been so natural to pick up something that he would like but she wasn't exactly in a position to buy him gifts?

She shook her head and continued down the street to stock up on a few other things. J. Pippin's Potions was where she usually bought her household potions, and she stopped by to stock up on headache relief, hangover cure and her monthly potion. At the section for common ailments she noticed to her surprise that the Pepper-Up shelf had been expanded and now contained a batch of vials with a label she didn't recognise. Stepping closer to read the label she couldn't help but to smile. _Improved Pepper-Up_ by Septimius Solutions. The label sported what looked like a phoenix rising from a cauldron with the name of the potion in stylised black Gothic block letters, and the ingredients and directions for use in a slightly altered but familiar spiky angular script. She immediately added a few of them to her basket, smiling at the vials as if they were sharing a secret with her. She liked the name, she didn't think many wizards would get the allusion to the former Roman Emperor Septimius Severus.

So it had been real, after all, that whole weekend and all that happened. Dazedly she paid for her wares and stumbled out into the street, only to be accosted by a Weasley.

"Hermione! You're alive!" the exuberant Weasley twin greeting rang out through the alley.

The crowd parted quickly as the Weasley twins hurried over. They performed their standard greeting of two simultaneous cheek kisses before releasing her, exclaiming relief that she'd made it back from the big bad conference. Both of them raised a hand to their brow to wipe imaginary sweat off their foreheads, in a move so synchronised they must have practised in front of a mirror. Nevertheless, the effect was precisely what they must have been aiming for, and she giggled and hugged both of them back.

"Hi both, are you off to work?"

"All work and no play…" George intoned,

"Makes George a dull boy." Fred continued.

"Hey!" One Weasley brother glared at the other who smirked.

The two brothers picked up her bags, turned her around and held out an arm each for her. She did like the twins, life was most definitely not dull when they were around. However, sometimes they were a bit too perceptive for their own good … or, to be more honest, her own good. Still, she followed them back to their store where they put on a kettle of tea water for all of them, and like every time she saw them she was glad she'd forced them to take a wizard's oath not to prank her. Business was apparently booming and lately they'd started branching out a little by taking in other kinds of products. Apparently, Lavender Brown had started a beauty product line together with Padma and Parvati Patil, and the Weasley twins had agreed to take in their products for a trial period.

"Very popular, these," Fred said.

"Their acne cream is apparently excellent," George continued.

"As is their makeup line, or at least it sells well." Fred finished.

Well, the sample jar of night cream she picked up certainly smelled nice. In a rather detached way she was happy things were going well for the three of them, even though two had been the bane of her Hogwarts dormitory experience she didn't mind hearing of their success. Lavender had been mauled badly by Fenrir Greyback during the final battle at Hogwarts. It had been hit and miss whether she'd recover, but luckily she hadn't been turned into a werewolf.

"Oh, and over here you see our latest product line," Fred said and waved his arm towards a shelf dressed completely in black with gold glitter. "You know our Wonder Witch line? This is a continuation of that, so to speak. _The Wanton Wand_ , we call it. It's our … bedroom brand. As you can see it's behind an age line so that we don't corrupt any young children to the depravity of the flesh, and there's also a privacy charm in effect so that other customers won't see who's browsing this section."

She stepped closer and felt the tingling of magic as she passed the ward. The shelves were full of gadgets, boxes and … _Oh._ It took her eyes a bit to adjust to the lighting and to actually take in what they were seeing, but apparently the Weasley twins were moving into rather adult entertainment. Of all kinds. A few of the boxes contained Improved Patented Daydream Charms with the additional label _"Special Extra Hot Edition, Do Not Use In Public Or You Will Regret It (Yes You Will, We Promise)"._ There was a section with clothes, including both lingerie and what looked like pirate garb, another with cuffs, various whipping implements and other items for mingling pain and pleasure, and a shelf full of dildos and similar things. She shuddered as she took it all in, disturbed yet oddly turned on by the collection of items.

Backing away from the shelf she turned to the twins. "Yes… I can see that becoming a huge success with a certain crowd, but have you thought about customer privacy a bit further? If I were to go shopping here on a bustling Saturday I would never dare to be seen anywhere close to this."

Fred opened the back door that led to their office. The opening was hidden behind a large cactus which would attack anyone not invited as soon as they touched the door. They'd put a wizard hat and mock sun glasses on it too, with painted eyes that seemed to turn towards the nearest person.

George led her deeper into the office, past crates of goods and the offices for other workers managing logistics and production. "Good point. Do you have any ideas?"

They'd made it to the twins' office, a large room with several couches and armchairs, tables and shelves full of gadgets. Their private flats were accessible via a staircase at the back. They had a magical tea service and a small kitchen area just outside the office, available for all their staff when needed.

She frowned as she thought about it while absently depositing her cloak and purchases on a nearby chair. "Yes… you said you have both a date line and a privacy charm? That's good, but customers probably don't know that. Some more visible dividers would probably be useful and some way to hide the products from others while paying. Oh, and your selection of items may be a bit too intimidating to some, especially younger witches. Is there a way to display only what customers are interested in so that you don't have to see all the pirate-themed plugs, chains and whips if that's not your cup of tea?"

Fred lunged for a piece of parchment. George poured all of them tea before they settled back into the office lounge chairs. "Hmm, interesting idea, Granger. I like the way you think. Ever fancied becoming a Weasley? That way we wouldn't have to rename the store to take you in permanently."

She laughed halfheartedly but managed to cover up her queasiness over the unexpected question by taking a gulp of slightly scalding tea.

"How would that work?" George asked, leaning over the coffee table while Fred was scribbling notes.

"We can't go around reading people's minds for real, unfortunately," Fred mused.

"What if you measure other types of stimuli?" Hermione asked, lost in the joys of solving a tricky problem. "Like heart rate, pupil dilation and how long they look at certain items? You might have to find a way to filter out the difference between aroused staring and repulsed staring though." She snatched another parchment and began setting up Arithmancy equations for the various aspects they'd have to balance, barely noticing George's huge grin.

They squabbled over details for another half hour before the twins excused themselves for a business lunch, and Hermione could wander off to continue her shopping. The impromptu spell creating session had felt really good, she'd always enjoyed an intellectual challenge and somehow she felt rather smug over not reacting more strongly to the contents of their new product line. Oh, she'd felt the pull of a few of the items, but the daydream charm held no allure compared to the very real memories of her former Potions professor, and some of the other items might have been exciting but only if she could explore them together with him. Would that ever happen? They hadn't made any solid plans to meet up, at all.

Her feet had taken her in front of another shop window without her actually planning to, and several small round faces were staring down at her through the window. Eeylops Owl Emporium. Oh… would Crooks mind some company? With a shrug she quickly stepped inside before any other part of her could change her mind, now that her feet had dragged her all the way there.

Dozens of owls of all sizes and colourings were looking down on her from their perches. The dim room smelled of owl, but the floor was clean and most of them seemed well behaved. She blinked a little as her eyes adjusted to the lack of light which probably was on purpose to allow the owls more comfort compared to bright daylight, and she stepped into the middle of the floor. The shopkeeper nodded at her but seemed busy with adjusting the perch of one of the owls.

She took a deep breath, feeling strangely uncertain. "Is there anyone here who would like to move in with me? I should warn you that I have a cat, Crookshanks. He's part Kneazle though and usually doesn't hunt owls. I'll need you to be strong enough to fly across the country and to the continent occasionally, at least."

Several owls hooted in reply and a few shifted on their perches. There appeared to be some sort of communication going on between them, with the occasional shifting on a perch, hooting, clacking of beaks and rustling of wings, before one small owl flew down from one of the top perches. It was fairly small, with an almost frowning facial expression. Its plumage was a rich brown with white spots over her back, wings and head, and white with brown spots underneath. She held out her arm to it and it settled gingerly on her cloak sleeve.

"Hi," she said as the bird settled, peering up at her. "Do you want to live with me and Crooks?"

"Whooo," the bird answered.

"That's a female little owl," the shopkeeper commented, looking up from the shelves. An owl was perched on his head. "Good choice. She's not been named yet but she'll serve you well if you want her."

She smiled at the owl. "Sounds good. I'll need all the supplies, and food. "

The shopkeeper nodded. His eyebrows were as impressive as some of the owls', she noted. "I'll throw in a bag of owl treats."

"Perfect," she said brightly and transferred the owl to her shoulder in order to dig out her purse.

~o~o~o~o~o~

To her relief, Crookshanks and her new owl seemed to get along, or at least they were completely ignoring each other but Hermione hoped that might change as they got used to each other. The owl named herself Iris after the Greek goddess who acted as a messenger between gods. They'd pored over several tomes of mythological characters together before Iris had decisively hooted and tapped her beak at the picture of the goddess. Hermione had immediately written to her new Norwegian friends in Amsterdam, and her owl had happily accepted her first assignment.

She revelled in the laziness of a solitary Sunday the day after her shopping adventures. There wasn't anything overly urgent to do at work and so she slept until late, had a lazy breakfast and spent most of the afternoon reading the latest issues of _Hippocratic Corpus_ , _Practical Potioneer_ and _Potions Monthly_. She'd found one article written by Septimius Prince, the pseudonym making her giggle, and another one on the proper harvesting of lacewing flies which she strongly suspected was written by none other than Severus Snape too.

Her Floo flared to life and her heart leapt into her throat when a mop of red hair became visible through the green flames.

"You there?" Ron asked before stepping through as soon as he saw her. He immediately walked over to her and pulled into a hard hug, soot flaking off him and onto her white fluffy rug. She backed away, cleaning him and the carpet with a wandless charm.

"Shoes off, Ron," she told him, again.

"Alright, alright." He did actually deposit his shoes by the Floo and looked around her flat, eyes falling on the new owl perch in the kitchen.

"You got an owl, 'Mione? I thought you said you didn't need one?"

She shrugged, flustered. "I met some people I want to keep in touch with, so I figured it was about time I got one."

Ron glowered at her. "Oh really? You met some international wizards that you're writing to now?"

"No, three Norwegian witches who live in Amsterdam, if you must know," she snapped, arms crossed in front of her. After all, the other one she might want to correspond with wasn't international.

"Oh…" Ron had already made himself comfortable on the couch and patted the seat next to him. "Got any beer?" he suddenly asked and rose, beelining for her fridge where he dug out a bottle left behind by Harry some time ago. He opened it and returned to the couch. She settled next to him, feeling slightly underdressed still in her pyjamas with her bath robe thrown over it all.

"Missed you, 'Mione," he murmured against her hair, his arm slung around her shoulder. His thumb traced circles on her hipbone.

She took a deep breath and focused on relaxing against him. He was Ron, after all. She knew him, ever since that first meeting on the Hogwarts Express all those years ago. He smelled familiar, of Quidditch supplies and cut grass and tar.

"How's Auror work?" she asked, trying to distract him from pulling her closer. Or herself. She'd lost track.

He frowned but his thumb stopped circling. "It's alright, I guess," he conceded. "I just thought there'd be more action, you know? More being out there catching bad wizards, Death Eaters and the like. Instead I'm just running errands and writing stupid reports. I mean, how hard can it be to find them? Just look at the Slytherins from our year, Malfoy is still out there, isn't he? And Nott too."

She sighed. "Draco? Yes he's working at the Ministry, didn't you know? And Theo Nott is with Gringotts. There's no reason to believe either of them to be committing crimes." She'd occasionally run into both of them over the years. Draco had made a stilted but sincere apology for being a prat and offered to buy her a coffee, and although she wasn't at all close to him she still considered him a decent acquaintance or distant friend. Theo Nott had greeted her politely at Gringotts where he was working with international investments, which she'd learned when she ran into him there once. The Goblins still didn't like her, they were still not quite over the destruction of their vaults even though Harry had paid off their fine and they'd secured a mountain troll as replacement for the dragon. At least the troll liked living in a cave.

Ron snorted and took another swig of his beer. "They can't be trusted, you know? They're Slytherins. They won't change."

She shook her head but didn't bother replying.

Some time later, Ron asked if she had any food in the house. She didn't have much at home, usually, and what she did have was often not what he liked to eat, so as usual she suggested Indian take-away, and also as usual she ended up ordering, paying for and fetching the finished dishes as the best Indian nearby didn't do home deliveries. She'd tried twice to get Ron to order over the telephone, but that had ended in confusion and a shouting match half in Hindi which wasn't very conducive to a good meal, and he didn't usually have Muggle money. Still, the food was good, there was a chance of Indian for lunch for a few days, and Ron too had a fondness for tikka masala and garlic naan. Meanwhile, Hermione usually went for the spicier lamb or vegetarian dishes since she was used to the cuisine from her Muggle upbringing, her parents having often ended up ordering Indian when their work had run late, and since that improved the odds for leftovers.

Also as usual was the way she ended up sorting out the mess in the kitchen afterwards while Ron lounged on the couch, another beer in hand. Still, she thought the evening had been rather pleasant, all in all. She finished up in the kitchen and filled up Crooks' food bowl while Ron rose and stretched.

"Come on, let's go to bed," Ron said, leaning against the doorframe to her bedroom.

She shook her head. "Not today, Ron, I'm on my period."

No she wasn't. But she wasn't in the mood for him, not this soon after her completely mind-blowing experience with one Severus Snape.

Ron flushed red and looked down at the floor. "Oh, right. I'll, um, see you later then. You coming to the Burrow for dinner Saturday?"

"Alright," she conceded.

He left through the Floo. A thorough cleaning session of the flat and a shower later, she could relax again.

~o~o~o~o~o~

The next weekend came with another Weasley dinner as she'd promised her boyfriend, since his birthday had been the day before. Being an only child she hadn't had many close relatives when growing up, and ever since first meeting the Weasleys she longed for that tight connection they all had. After her parents were lost to her that had become even more important, especially since Harry had so easily been accepted into their family. If she didn't have them, and her parents were still lost… she'd be celebrating all holidays alone, in her tiny little flat with only her animals for company.

Ron greeted her with a kiss but her entrance was mainly unnoticed by the others. Bill and Fleur weren't coming, but Harry and Ginny were there. Percy was there too with his fiancee Audrey Knighton, and she could hear him arguing with his parents as soon as she arrived. At least Percy's presence took the heat off her since the other Weasleys still hadn't quite forgiven him. The twins also teased him, in a way that made her feel grateful for not being their target and slightly guilty for not standing up against them. They had tried to make up after the end of the war but Hermione suspected that Percy's innate personality still was the main reason for their continued differences. He was too rigid and law-abiding for the twins and Ginny, and although Mr Weasley tried to keep the peace it seemed Mrs Weasley still thought she could manage his life, which of course didn't work.

Dinner was fine if a bit tense. She sat close to Percy and Audrey, a quiet witch who worked in the Ministry at some obscure department.

She stayed the night like he wanted, it being his birthday celebration and all. As usual it was uncomfortable, messy and slightly embarrassing to attempt sex in his childhood bed with his parents close by. She tried to give in, to respond to his kisses and groping, but her body didn't want to awaken to his touch.

She lay awake late into the night, not able to fall asleep. Ron was snoring next to her and she could follow the trace of the moonbeams across the floor and the far wall as time passed. For some reason she had a huge clump in her stomach, a lead weight holding her down. Why did she feel so dirty after being with her boyfriend? She padded off to the bathroom again but didn't want to run the shower that late at night for fear of waking the elder Weasleys. After splashing some water in her face she made her way to the kitchen door, snagging Ron's bathrobe on the way. The door creaked a bit as she opened it and stepped out to the kitchen stairs where she sat down, looking out over the garden. The March night was cold but a warming charm held off the worst of it, and the moonlight cast pale shadows over the lawn. It was oddly comforting, somehow, and probably the only time she'd ever been left alone with her thoughts in the Weasley household.

The next morning she was quick to hop in the shower before Ron could get any other ideas, and then she cautiously made her way down the stairs to the kitchen. Mrs Weasley — _call me Molly, dear, you_ _'re practically our daughter already_ — cornered her while Ron was in the shower.

"While I appreciate you staying here with our Ron, Hermione, I don't think it's appropriate for you to … _share a bed_ … with Ron until you're married, at least not under my roof."

Her passive aggressive smug indignation churned Hermione's insides and made her want to crawl into a small hole and hide under a blanket. Unfortunately, that wasn't an option.

Hermione sighed. "I'm sorry, Mrs Weasley. It won't happen again."

The older witch smiled and patted her shoulder. "Oh, no no, it's just that sometimes wizards can get a bit… _carried away_ , and you know that in our world unwed mothers are frowned upon," Mrs Weasley continued brightly. "Scones, dear? Oh, and do call me Molly, how many times must I tell you to?"

After fetching a cup of tea for herself Hermione sat down at the table, choosing a seat at the far end, out of the way. The silence was awkward so she tried to make herself invisible as Mrs Weasley continued cooking a breakfast for ten when there were only four of them in the house.

Ron ambled down the stairs, his hair wet from the shower. He went to his mother and kissed her on the cheek. "Morning, Mum. You made scones? You're the best."

"Anything for you, Ronnie dear," Mrs Weasley said and patted his cheek in return. "Soon Hermione will be able to take over making your breakfast, won't she?"

Hermione could almost hear something snapping inside her mind. She needed air, right now. After a hurried breakfast she mumbled her excuses, citing work as a reason for leaving them that quickly despite it being Sunday.

When she finally made it back home to her flat and her animals she penned a note to one Severus Snape at Hogwarts, and sent Iris off as soon as she could.

"If you can deliver this to him without Headmistress McGonagall noticing that would be great," she told her owl. "There's no need for you to rush back, there are plenty of owls you can talk to at the Owlery and there's food and shelter for you there if you want a break."

Iris hooted reassuringly, held out her foot for the letter and flew off into the evening.


	5. The Date

**The Date**

Three weeks after Prague Hermione was going crazy with the need to see him again. She'd almost managed to talk herself out of contacting him but then came that weekend at the Burrow and she'd sent off Iris with a note as soon as she was able. To make matters worse, he had waited over three full days before responding.

A tap on her window had disrupted her breakfast routine the following Thursday morning. A huge owl with a rounded face and mottled grey feathers hooted at her when she opened the window. The bird held out a leg for her to remove the scroll fastened there, and then scuttled over to where Iris sat on her perch. Did they know each other? She shook her head, offered the large bird some treats and opened the scroll.

 _Miss Granger_ _— Hermione —_

 _I must confess to a certain amount of disbelief at receiving your owl the other day. She was clever enough to fly directly to my quarters rather than to the Great Hall so that Minerva couldn_ _'t get her whiskers into your letter._

 _Unfortunately this weekend is a Hogsmeade weekend, and this time I drew the short straw to corral the rambunctious teenagers_ _— Minerva claims it is because I was away for the conference but I know her better than that, she just enjoys making me miserable. The following weekend is free, however. Would a dinner at a Muggle restaurant be agreeable to you? I know of a good place in Edinburgh._

 _Refrain from buying Pepper-Up and similar potions, you know the mark-up the apothecaries add. If you are unsure of the brewing process I could supervise you, or just let me know what you need and I_ _'ll supply you with potions as long as you don't go asking for Polyjuice._

 _The owl is called Muninn. Yes I know, but he named himself. He is a great grey owl and rather fond of peaches._

 _Sincerely,_

 _S.S_

"Muninn, huh?" she said to the bird after reading through the scroll. "You're not a raven but Memory is a fitting name for an owl as well. Will you take a response back to Severus? You may rest here if you wish for a while before flying back and I promise to have peaches for you if I know to expect you."

The owl hooted at her. She wasn't sure exactly what he was saying, but she scribbled a note that she was available the weekend after next. Muninn held out his leg for her to tie on the scroll, hooted something at Iris, and flew off again.

Suddenly everything seemed so much better. He was real. It was real. He wanted to meet up again. Why was next Friday so far off?

~o~o~o~o~o~

After a very strange week where she'd met up with Ron, Harry and Ginny at Grimmauld over the weekend for some board games but managed to dodge spending the night with Ron, she was finally going to see Severus again. Luckily she'd been too busy at work to fret overly much over their upcoming meeting, and she hadn't even had time to go home and change clothes from her usual business robes. At least she wasn't in a lab coat, she thought wryly as she Apparated to the location he had indicated, a back alley near the Royal Mile in Edinburgh.

He was already there when she arrived, clad in his customary black and leaning against the wall. He straightened and moved over to her, taking her hand to ghost a kiss over her knuckles.

"Hermione."

He offered her his arm and led her into the bustling city. People seemed happy for the relatively mild March weather which held the promise of spring, and of course it was Friday so people were meeting up after work to start the weekend. The air was humid, colder than London with a sharp tang of malt from the breweries, and many of the old stone buildings were grimy with soot. She was glad to walk with him rather than meeting up at the restaurant, as even in a Muggle setting he managed to clear enough space so that they could walk relatively unhindered, scattering the boisterous crowds as they strode ahead.

Soon they found themselves in a nice restaurant, seated in a quiet corner at the back, apparently at his request.

"They do an excellent entrecôte here but the salmon is very good too," he commented as they perused the menus.

She ordered the salmon, he ordered the steak and some wine to go with their respective meals. It didn't take long for them to fall back to their state of easy banter they'd shared in Prague.

"So, Septimius Solutions, really? What are your plans?"

He smirked at her over his steak. "Potions and other consulting work. Do you remember the full name of that emperor?"

She tried to recall it but had to admit defeat eventually. His smirk grew wider.

"His name was actually Lucius Septimius Severus which made it even more fitting, so now you know my business partner. It's not just for brewing Pepper-Up, but rather for doing advanced Potions research while hiring staff to do the routine brewing, and also for assisting select clients with Dark curses and the like. The Malfoy library is rather extensive when it comes to the Dark Arts, even after the Ministry's post-war looting. Lucius helps out with finding clients and with some of the curses and charms if they are interesting, he always had a knack for that."

She couldn't help but to laugh. Although she didn't like Lucius Malfoy there was no denying the fact that the man had changed after the war, or probably even during the final few years before Voldemort's fall. The Malfoys had been more or less acquitted, sentenced to house arrest for two years and their home had been raided for Dark artefacts but otherwise they'd made it out of the whole mess relatively intact as far as she'd heard from Draco, not that he had told her much over the occasional coffee they'd shared in the Ministry cafe.

"Thank you for the scar salve, Severus," she said, changing subjects. "Several of the letters are almost completely gone and the other scar is much better too."

He almost smiled. "I'm glad to hear it, Hermione. If you want me to I'd be most eager to inspect it later." The heat in his gaze left her cheeks blazing.

They lapsed into silence for a little while, focussing on finishing their meals. She liked that too, the fact that he could be silent without it getting uncomfortable. The fish was excellent, anyway.

"How are things at Hogwarts?"

He shrugged. "Better than they used to. New staff is settling in, the battle scars are fading. Minerva has made some changes, many of them surprisingly sensible for a Gryffindor."

"Hey!" She tried to scowl at him over the insult to her House, but interest in what he was saying won out. "What kind of changes?"

"Slytherin is moved up from the dungeons, for one, and she's encouraged mixing of Houses at meals other than dinner. In her own way she tries to bridge the gaps between Houses to get rid of some of the mistrust and so far it actually seems to be helping. She has set up study circles and other activities to help students get to know each other across Houses."

The waiter came by again to take away their plates. The meal had been excellent but she'd been too focused on her companion to really notice.

"That's great, Professor Dumbledore wasn't exactly subtle in supporting Gryffindor over Slytherin, was he?" She wasn't quite sure what to think of Dumbledore anymore. After finally leaving Hogwarts and gaining some distance from the events she had wondered about a lot of his actions, regarding Harry and others.

Severus nodded. "Indeed, I often wondered what he was playing at, whether he was actually ignorant of the effects of his actions or if he did it on purpose. He must have, he cannot have been that dense. The Potions classroom is still down in the dungeons for security reasons but the Castle has somehow managed to fit my office and private quarters with windows, and proper ventilation and lighting for the labs and classroom. What will you have for dessert?"

"What? Oh…" Apparently the dessert menus had made an appearance. Was _You_ an appropriate response? Flustered she looked at the choices but all of them seemed equally good. She wanted a dessert if only to prolong their date a bit.

"I'll have the caramel butterscotch pudding then," she finally decided and snapped the menu shut.

The waiter appeared as if summoned. Hermione ordered hers and Severus ordered a bilberry trifle.

They had lapsed into silence while waiting for dessert. He seemed to be studying her but she didn't mind his attention. He looked well, especially compared with those last years at Hogwarts when he'd been pulled in too many directions by too many obligations. Some of the harsh lines on his face had softened, his hair looked well kept and he had more colour to his skin compared to the air of pallid translucency due to sleeplessness and life in the Hogwarts dungeons that he used to wear.

That got Hermione thinking about the school again. "How do you feel about leaving Hogwarts? It's been your home for so long?"

He nodded. "True, but it is time for me to do something different with my life. Miss Bulstrode will finish her Apprenticeship this August if all goes according to plan, and will take over teaching next year. I promised both her and Minerva that I'd stay on for another year to ensure she has a good start to her teaching career and to keep teaching the current sixth-years in their final NEWT year. I plan to continue revamping the curriculum and publish the rest of the books before leaving Hogwarts."

The desserts arrived and Hermione was momentarily distracted by the sheer decadence of hers. She must have moaned when tasting it, as she suddenly became aware of his rather hot gaze on her mouth. She blushed.

"Try it," she said and held out her spoon across the table for him.

He complied, grumbling, but admitted that it was excellent. He did the same to her in return, holding out a spoon of his trifle for her to try. The gesture made heat pool low in her belly again. Luckily he seemed to be equally affected if the way he looked at her was any indication, all heat and focus.

"Would you come to my flat? For … for some tea?"

That eyebrow again. Gods, it was doing things to her. Wicked, naughty things. She was sure her knickers were soaked already.

"Tea, you say. Witch, are you sure?"

She licked her lower lip nervously and didn't miss the way his gaze fell on her mouth, eyes widening slightly. "Very sure."

He almost smiled then, and they quickly finished their dessert. He settled the bill and they went out into the chilly Edinburgh night. She snuck her arm around his waist, for warmth, and they walked in tandem around the corner, carefully checking to see that no one was close. Luckily, her extensive experience with Apparition during the war meant that Side-Along Apparition didn't faze her anymore, even if her passenger was Severus Snape. She took hold of his arm, focused and deposited them both at the Apparition spot in the building's foyer.

~o~o~o~o~o~

For some reason she became incredibly nervous as soon as they had crossed the threshold to her flat. What if he didn't want what she so desperately did? She hurried off into the kitchen area, tapping the kettle with her wand to fill it with water and looking for mugs that were suitable for one Severus Snape in her flat.

"Witch, breathe," he muttered and before long she found herself engulfed by his arms. He pried the mugs and tea tins out of her hands and gently spun her around. "Is this what you were implying, by inviting me here? Tea only? Or maybe… something else?"

"Yes," she managed, caught in his eyes. Her arms were snaking up around his neck and his lips were slowly, ever so slowly, coming closer to hers.

That first kiss was merely a ghosting of his lips against hers, as if asking for permission. That wouldn't do. She practically flung herself at him, pulling him down with her hands in his hair and demanding more, deeper, now. She could feel his smile against her mouth as he complied, pulling her close and opening up to her, his tongue seeking out hers, tasting, exploring. Yes, yes. This was right. This was it.

Somehow, without her really noticing, her hands found their way up under his shirt, tugging it up from his trousers to enable access to his skin. In the same vein, he must have done something wandlessly since she suddenly found herself without her office robes. She wore a simple top and bra underneath, and a pair of leggings against the draughts.

She backed up to her couch, pulling him along, and fell backwards while kissing him, trusting him to balance both of them. His weight across her legs felt reassuring, somehow, even as she struggled with getting him out of his clothing. His shoes were already off but his belt buckle was resisting her assault until she Banished his trousers with a growl. He chuckled but seemed equally eager to get her out of her clothes, ridding her of top and leggings as quickly as he could.

He was all heat and hands and need matching hers, driving her on. Her hands sought purchase wherever they could along his shoulders, chest and arms, while he kissed, nipped and licked everywhere he could reach. A hand snaked its way down to her core, finding her completely soaked, even before he pushed two fingers inside and put his thumb on her clit. He drove her completely insane with lust but she wanted, needed, more.

"Severus, need you, now," she managed, trying to stave off the impending orgasm.

He complied, finally, quickly moving into position before driving his cock home in one swift surge. She gasped at the intrusion, the size of him, the fullness, and pulled his head down for a heated kiss as if to make sure it was real, that he was real.

"More," she gasped.

He chuckled in reply but complied eagerly enough, her hips rising to meet his as he set a hard and fast rhythm, just like she wanted. Her sudden orgasm almost caused her to black out due to the sheer intensity of it, and he quickly followed with a groan and a shudder as he followed before collapsing on top of her.

Slowly the outside world started to seep back in and the feeling of being one with him receded. His back was sweaty and her left leg was cramping for some reason.

"Stay?" she asked shyly. She hadn't exactly planned on this, any of it, but she really didn't want him to leave.

"If you have a towel and a toothbrush," he muttered with a yawn.

"That can be arranged." After all, she wasn't the daughter of dentists for nothing.

He kissed her forehead and rolled off her, letting her get a head start in the bathroom before joining her in the shower. She felt completely exhausted, but in a good way. It still felt right to be with him, both in bed and sharing a shower. She didn't even feel very self-conscious about her scars or imperfections as it was so very clear that he didn't find anything about her to be repulsive. It was a novel feeling, one she decided to file away for later analysis. For now, sleep was the primary concern. With him.

She snuggled in close, letting him spoon her as they drifted off to sleep, lulled by his breathing and the warmth of his chest against her back.

The next day they woke up late, to the sound of rain on the window. Luckily she already had toast and some other things for breakfast so they didn't have to venture outside. After a lazy breakfast of toast, marmalade and tea, spent mostly in silence as they read through both the _Daily Prophet_ and the _Guardian_ , that gaze of his was back, quickening her breath. Somehow she found herself sitting across his lap, kissing his temple, his cheek, his nose. Another insistent erection was poking the side of her thigh, matching the heat she felt pooling in her knickers.

"What is a wizard to do when he finds himself with a lapful of sweet witch, hmm?" he murmured close to her ear. "Perhaps… perhaps depositing her back into bed and having his wicked way with her is the proper course of action?"

"Excellent choice, good sir."

She squeaked when he hoisted her up and rose from the chair in one fluid movement, and swiftly made his way back to the bedroom with her.

This time he took it slow, mapping every inch of her. He traced the scar across her chest with his lips.

"Much improved. How does it feel?"

"It's much better, less tight and it has faded quite a lot already. I've been getting tingly feelings along the edge though, is that normal?"

He nodded. "Yes, that's due to nerve endings regrowing. A good sign. Now, where was I? I believe, about here…" he said just as his lips finally alighted on her nipple, causing her to hiss.

The slow pace drove her mad. He meandered down her body, kissing her hips, her bellybutton, the outside of her thighs, her knees. He even licked her toes before slowly returning upwards again, via the inside of her legs this time, finally reaching her hot core. His breath ghosted across her lower lips, followed ever so slowly by the tip of his nose and the lightest touch of his tongue.

"Gods, Severus!"

She could feel his smirk against the inside of her thigh but at least he finally inserted one long finger right where she wanted him to, and then another, curling them inside her which when he added a tongue to her clit quickly hurtled her over the edge to another orgasm, almost bucking him off the bed as she came. When she could see again she pulled him up to lay beside her as she caught her breath.

She pushed his shoulder to encourage him to lie back in the sheets. Despite the rain, the daylight was still bright enough for her to see what she'd been overlooking earlier. He wore a glamour on his neck, over Nagini's scar. She recalled the way he'd pulled her off her throat back in Prague. It must have been much worse than she'd thought if it still was that sensitive after using his salve. She kissed the other side of his neck instead, wanting to tell him that she understood, wondering if he'd trust her enough one day to let her see it.

His nipples were two hard pebbles on his chest, tasting slightly salty but eliciting delightful moans from the taciturn wizard. She tweaked one with her fingers while nibbling the other, causing his cock to twitch against her hip. Her hand crept down his stomach to investigate further. She took him in hand, slowly stroking his length which earned her an appreciative groan, and reached up to kiss him thoroughly.

"I hope you don't mind but I want you," she told him and kissed his temple again. She slung a leg over his thighs, trapping his dick between their stomachs.

He smirked and put a hand on her hip. "Be my guest."

She shifted until she was properly positioned and then impaled herself on him, causing both of them to groan. She'd never quite gotten the hang of being on top but it just felt right to try. She started rocking experimentally, finding a good angle and rhythm.

"Lovely view," he commented and moved one of his thumbs to her clit.

After a while she asked him to help out a bit with the rhythm, seeing as her efforts didn't exactly get her anywhere. He planted his feet on the mattress for better leverage, grabbed on to her hips and started thrusting harder which soon had her panting. She had to brace herself with her hands by his shoulders, giving him a good view of her bouncing tits as he pounded both of them closer to release. With the help of one of his fingers she soon managed to catch her orgasm which in turn had him follow. She collapsed on top of him, feeling both exhausted and energised at the same time. He wrapped his arms around her as they caught their breaths, holding her close.

After another shower they finally got dressed. Suddenly she remembered something. She quickly walked over to her desk and pulled out the notebook she'd bought on her trip to Diagon Alley.

"I picked this up in Diagon Alley the day I bought Iris and thought that perhaps you might find it useful, I bought two and already started using mine, it's got an index and everything? The pages are supposed to be spill proof but I'm not convinced that covers absolutely everything one can find in a Potions lab."

His eyebrows rose but he accepted the notebook if a bit gingerly. "Are you sure?"

"It's a notebook, Severus, not the keys to my Gringotts vault. Of course I want you to have it, if you think it might be useful?"

He looked flustered which had her confused. Surely a simple gift wasn't such an odd concept? Or was it, to him? Still, he had already given her things, hadn't he? The scar salve, and he kept talking about providing her with household potions.

"In that case, thank you, Hermione. I can see it will be useful for research. Unfortunately I have detentions to oversee tonight so I must take my leave. I hadn't quite hoped… expected to stay this long."

She nodded. She too hadn't quite expected their date to be extended this long, but it had been absolutely perfect.

Just as he was about to leave, a thought struck her. She stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Severus?"

"Hmm?"

"What is this… what are we?"

He shrugged but his eyes were hard when he looked at her again. "I told you, Hermione. I am not a good man. I know you're somewhat involved with the youngest Weasley but since you seem inclined to… this, I'll gladly take whatever you wish to offer me. For some reason I feel as if I can relax around you. Perhaps you understand how rare that is."

She nodded. She did know. "I know. I feel as if I can be myself with you. I don't want to lose that."

His eyebrow rose again and someone must have turned on the heat in her flat, or why was she so flustered all of a sudden? "I also happen to find myself rather attracted to you and would be very interested in seeing how far I can take you…"

She tried to respond but only managed a flustered squeak. How mortifying. "Ehm, yes please."

"Good." He was so close and now his hand rose, cupping her face, his thumb tracing her lower lip. "I must be off. Until later? Please tell Iris to continue delivering any letters directly to my quarters instead of to the Great Hall."

~o~o~o~o~o~

Easter was a boisterous affair at the Burrow, as usual, but they'd chosen to move the main family meal to Good Friday as Bill and Fleur had plans for Easter Sunday. Nearly the whole clan was there, even Percy, so the house was full to bursting just as Mrs Weasley preferred it. Hermione arrived with Ginny and Harry, on purpose so that she'd blend into the chaos a bit. It worked, she could stay away from the chaos in the kitchen and instead talk to Fleur and the twins while food and cutlery flew out of the kitchen at random intervals to settle on the dining table. Arthur had dragged Bill and Harry off to his shed to see his latest project, an old black-and-white Muggle TV set that he could get to play BBC One without sound in ten-second bursts.

Finally they were settled to eat, Hermione next to Ron this time. The food was excellent as usual, a lamb roast with lots of side dishes. Hermione readily admitted that Molly Weasley did know her way around traditional English recipes. She also appreciated being invited, and the way all Weasleys seemed to like having her there. One-on-one she liked all of them, really, even Mrs Weasley in small doses.

"How's your research going?" Bill asked over the lamb from across the table.

She sighed. "Not as well as I want it to, I keep running into problems with the memory restoration potion."

"What have you tried so far?"

"Well, I've been looking at the standard Memory Potions but they're not sufficient for this, of course, or they'd be in use at St Mungo's already."

George also looked interested. "Come down to the shop again, you know we've done some work on memories."

"Now now, don't talk about work here at the table," Mrs Weasley interjected.

"But it's about her parents," George protested.

"Well, dear, it's good that you have us now," Mrs Weasley said, giving Hermione a tight smile before turning to the other end of the table. "Harry, I heard about your promotion, congratulations!"

"Thanks, Molly," Harry said from across the table, and soon the talk turned to the regular topics. How well the Weasley boys were doing, Quidditch, the twins' inventions and Mr Weasley trying to ask her about something Muggle.

When Bill and Fleur rose to leave with Victoire, citing the toddler's need for sleep, Hermione decided to take her leave as well.

"Won't you stay the night?" Ron asked, having followed her to the door.

She shook her head. After that meal, and Mrs Weasley's comments the last time she'd stayed over? No way. "I can't today, Ron. Will I see you at Grimmauld tomorrow?" Harry and Ginny had invited her for a friends' dinner.

"Alright, see you there." He leaned in to kiss her.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Harry and Ginny had invited lots of friends the next day. A few were from Harry's Auror team but many of the others were old schoolmates. Neville was there, as was Seamus and Dean, Luna, Lavender and Padma, and several others. It was nice to see everyone and hear what they'd been up to, and to meet some of Harry's new friends. Ginny had invited her Quidditch team as well and several of them had shown up, causing a few of the others to blush and stammer when meeting a celebrity.

She sat next to Ron on the kitchen couch, snuggled into him while drinking a beer and laughing with friends. It was good. It felt good. Lavender was staring daggers at her, just like in school, but Ron didn't really seem to notice. Finally people started to leave in waves of hugs and laughter, it was getting rather late.

"I've missed you, 'Mione," Ron murmured against her ear, holding her close. "Come upstairs? I'll show you just how much I've missed you."

His words sounded so similar to what Severus would tell her that she felt a rush of excitement pooling in her belly.

"Alright, Ron," she conceded and followed him up the stairs.

Her courage seemed to evaporate with every step she took, and by the time she reached Ron's bedroom at Grimmauld she was nearly trembling. She turned down the lights completely, undressed and lay stiff as a board on the bed. Why was this so hard? Ron removed his clothes as well and lay down next to her, not really touching. Slowly, his hand came up over her stomach. She flinched at the contact and forced herself to relax, exhaling forcibly. Slowly it became easier, her body responded no matter whose hand it was, and the dark helped. His hand reached up to grope her breast and she even groaned when he moved to pet her snatch. This was her boyfriend, after all, it shouldn't be that difficult.

With some self-help and intense concentration while Ron grunted above her she even managed to come.


	6. The Deception

**The Deception**

The next Tuesday Hermione woke to the sound of her alarm clock and made it out of bed under protest. She fed Crookshanks and Iris who had just returned from the Netherlands with a letter from Marit. She thanked the bird for her great work and dug around her cupboards for an extra treat. Iris seemed rather pleased with herself, while Crookshanks appeared a bit put out with her until she gave him an enchanted catnip mouse to play with. Just as she was finished with her breakfast there was a sharp rap of a bird's beak on her window. She quickly let the owl in.

"Muninn," she breathed. Iris scooted over and greeted the much bigger owl with a low hoot while Hermione untied the scroll from his foot. She dug out some extra treats for him before opening the scroll, some dried apricots she had bought in anticipation of his visits, hoping the dried fruit would be acceptable. Muninn hooted in thanks and made short work of them while she read the equally short note.

" _I find myself unexpectedly free Friday evening. Would you be amenable to a rendezvous? — SS"_

Hermione laughed and wondered where the butterflies in her belly had come from. Quickly she checked her calendar but it only confirmed what she already knew. She had agreed to go to Grimmauld on Friday but given the choice to spend the … evening … with Severus instead, the choice was clear. She Summoned a piece of parchment and penned a short reply. _"I would indeed. My turn to choose, meet me outside the British Library at 7. — HG."_ She knew of several nice restaurants in that area, none too posh but the food was excellent and it was unlikely that they would run into anyone from the Wizarding world there. Iris was dispatched to Grimmauld with another note that she couldn't make it that weekend.

She walked to work with a spring in her step, not only because of the April sunlight. When she made it to her office she was immediately accosted by her office mate who flung her arms around Hermione's neck.

"My experiment worked!" Lucy squealed a bit too loudly at such close distance.

"Oh, that's great, congratulations," Hermione managed once she'd extricated herself. "What was the setup, again?"

Hermione spent an hour listening to Lucy's success, where she'd managed to develop a new charm to diagnose certain spell damage injuries in a better way. While she was happy for her friend, her own experiments weren't leading anywhere. She had identified at least twenty ways _not_ to improve the Memory Potion but was no closer to healing her parents.

Two aeroplane memos sailed in through the half-open door and landed on Hermione's desk. The ones from the hospital were lime green, the ones sent by the Ministry were purple, the Aurors used yellow ones and their own internal memos were pale blue. The ones on her desk were pink and yellow, so she had her suspicions on who could have sent the latter. Her thoughts were confirmed when she opened it and read the short message from Harry, asking when she would come visit again and saying she could stop by anytime. The Ministry letter was more of a surprise as it contained an invitation to the Ministry's Victory Ball, to be held on the first Saturday of May to celebrate four years of peace in Wizarding Britain. Kingsley had even taken the time to scribble a personal note at the bottom, with a short greeting and expressing hope that she would attend.

~o~o~o~o~o~

They met up outside the British Library as agreed. Her heart soared, again, when she saw him stalking towards her in a Muggle-style black coat which he still managed to make billow. He kissed her cheek in greeting. She took his arm and led him to a small French restaurant her father had taken her to years ago, and they quickly fell back into the easy dialogue they'd had earlier. Although she'd invited him out this time, he still refused to let her pay and sneakily settled the bill when she had excused herself to the loo.

As soon as they made it out of the restaurant she pounced on him for a kiss, pulling his head down to her level. He tasted of Bordeaux and lust and home. It seemed he was in agreement with her treatment, as he pulled her as close to him as he could.

"Come to my place?" she asked when they broke apart, a little short of breath.

She barely let him answer but his brief nod and the heat in his eyes was enough confirmation, before she pulled them into the tight vortex of Apparition.

They did make it to the bedroom. He was methodically relentless in undressing her and kissing everything he could reach. She, on the other hand, was impatiently bossy and ordered his clothes off by magic since she couldn't bear to deal with the buttons of his white shirt. Some of the raw newness had faded from their actions, replaced by confidence. She kissed him in return wherever she could but soon he had her howling anyway as she came. With a knee he nudged her to roll over on her stomach and swiftly buried himself in her. The new angle made him feel impossibly large, pain and pleasure mingling when he went a bit too deep, but she still raised her hips to meet him and managed to snake her hand down to stroke herself to another orgasm which quickly had him join her.

Since it wasn't very late they ended up on the couch in front of the TV after a shower. He got dressed again in his shirt and black slacks while she pulled on her bathrobe and put on some tea. They ended up watching _Time Team_ , where a group of archaeologists were busy digging up someone's back garden in their search for Roman artefacts.

"Severus?"

"Hmm?"

"I just got the invite, are you going to the Ministry's victory ball?"

He frowned. Blackness descended over his gaze as he seemed to stare right through her, and his voice got even quieter. "You mean the celebration of Light over Dark? The triumph of Good versus Evil? Of what happened when the Ministry was overrun by those very same forces, when it all was down to a bunch of schoolkids defending our world from wrongness? Oh yes, of course the Ministry would celebrate their completely justified actions during that war. Do you even know how many Aurors and Ministry workers fought against Hogwarts that day?" He sat up straight, pulling away from her. "Or perhaps I should celebrate the day I died in the shack of my nightmares, at the hands of the one I was trying to deceive and yet not for any reason that actually made sense, but merely for his delusions? When Potter shouted out my innermost secrets for everyone to hear, and you saved my life on a whim and with essentially nothing but pure luck?"

"I'm sorry," she managed. Why had she even asked?

His gaze softened somewhat and he sat up straighter, opening an arm to her. "Come here, witch. It's not your fault the Ministry is completely corrupt. Don't get me wrong, you know I do respect Kingsley but I cannot support this farce."

Cautiously she scooted up in his lap, seated sideways, her back against his shoulder.

"Severus, for what it's worth, I've never regretted saving you even when you yelled at me in St Mungo's for it."

He looked at her, eyebrow raised. "I did? My apologies, it took me quite some time to come to terms with it all. I had never expected to survive the end of the war and must admit to feeling rather cheated out of my death."

She kissed his cheek and snuggled closer, her arms around his neck.

"Still, nowadays, I too am glad you saved me, witch. These past few years have been infinitely better than all the ones before."

"Oh…"

He stayed the night again, wrapped closely around her when they drifted off to sleep.

They spent half the Saturday morning lazing about, eating breakfast and arguing about who should have which part of the newspapers first. Severus was quick to snatch her Muggle paper, leaving her with the _Prophet_. Somehow the newspaper bickering deteriorated into heavy snogging which they soon had to relocate to the bedroom for another heated session. How could he drive her so mad with lust, so quickly? She didn't quite understand it, but all thought fled under his gaze and all that remained was sensation.

Afterwards, he unfortunately had to leave to tend to some research potions. She put a hand on his arm as he had pulled on his coat, and rose on her toes to kiss his cheek. "Thank you, Severus."

"It has most definitely been my pleasure."

"And mine."

He kissed her again, with a hint of promise. "Until next time."

~o~o~o~o~o~

Luna showed up quite unexpectedly that Sunday, after a Floo call in the morning to ask if she could visit. Hermione had just put on the kettle for tea when Luna walked over to give her a hug and hand over the bag of muffins she'd bought on the way. The younger witch was wrapped in what appeared to be a yellow sari, or something like it, with random flowers, feathers and a few glass brooches stuck haphazardly to the fabric.

"How are you, Hermione?"

"Fine, thanks, and you? How's the Quibbler doing?"

Luna smiled faintly but her thoughts seemed to be elsewhere. "It's alright, I guess. Ginny's wrapping up the next issue. Thanks for letting me come over."

They settled with some tea and the muffins on Hermione's couch and chatted a bit about work and friends. Luna usually didn't invite herself over but Hermione didn't mind the company. She suspected that the blonde witch had something she needed to talk about but didn't want to press for details.

"How's Ron?" Luna asked, eyeing her a bit too keenly.

Hermione flushed. "Oh, he's fine."

"Really? How would you know, you haven't seen him much lately, have you?"

She fidgeted with her blouse. What did Luna know? "I've been busy with work, I still haven't managed to figure out the potion I need. I've tested everything from whale spit to phoenix feathers but it's just not working."

Luna simply looked at her. "Not choosing is also a choice, you know. You know what to do in your heart, if you don't act on it you'll end up hurting everyone."

Hermione gave up. Luna knew, somehow. How?

"I don't want to hurt Ron," she mumbled. "Everyone's expecting so much, I don't want to make all of them disappointed in me. They practically see me married to him already."

"Hermione, you can't live your life to please others. You know this, deep down. Just imagine what life would be if you married Ron. And what about Professor Snape?"

Hermione looked up sharply, she hadn't told Luna who it was. Not that she'd told the other girl anything else either, of course. Still, there was no point in denying it. She shook her head slowly. "He doesn't want a relationship. He said so himself."

Luna sighed and sipped her tea. "You don't think he said that to protect himself from heartbreak? He's not exactly someone with a lot of relationship experience, from what we've seen. Perhaps he just thinks you'll break up with him anyway so he tries to get around that by claiming to not want a relationship?"

Hermione nodded slowly and bit her lower lip. Yes, that much was true. He must have been terribly lonely, all those years at Hogwarts. Unless he'd hooked up with some other teacher? There had been no rumours about him while at school but of course it might have been possible … but then again, most teachers were not very likely to be attracted to him, either due to age differences or just his rather peculiar personality. Still, he had been quite clear, saying he wasn't looking for a relationship, that he'd meet her when possible. If she was completely honest with herself she rather liked having him a secret, away from prying eyes, questions and complaints. Telling the world she was dating Professor Snape would get messy.

"What about yourself? How are you, really?" When Hermione looked closer, her friend didn't look well. She had dark circles under her eyes, her hair had lost most of its shine and she appeared to have lost some weight.

"Neville and I broke up a week ago." Luna seemed to shrink in on herself, fading into the cushions.

"Oh no Luna, I'm sorry!"

Luna tried to smile but didn't quite make it. Hermione handed her a tissue, and Crookshanks came padding over to them, settling in between them with his back against Luna. Sometimes the half-Kneazle knew just what was needed, and Luna was clearly one of the ones he thought worthy of being in his collection of people.

"It's just hard, you know? I miss Neville. I thought I could give him up but I keep running into him with Hannah at the Leaky Cauldron and it just hurts to see them together. I keep getting flashbacks to when I saw him with her."

Hermione gasped. "Oh, I'm so sorry Luna! I didn't know he'd cheated on you."

Luna sighed. "No, he didn't quite do that, but we were planning to have lunch at the Three Broomsticks one Sunday and when she came in to greet us I just … knew. It was obvious that they wanted to be with each other, although I don't think it will last very long. I can see it, I'm just wanting for him to realise it. Or maybe she will know first."

"Do you want him back?"

Luna shook her head and drank some more tea. "No, I don't want him back but I miss what we had. There's someone else out there for me but the time isn't right yet."

"I'm still sorry, Luna."

The two friends decided on a walk since the weather was cooperating, and Apparated to Kew Gardens where Luna perked up among the trees and flowers, pointing out several magical varieties mingled with the Muggle ones as well as several invisible creatures. All in all a rather nice day, Hermione thought, trying to silence the nagging voice saying that Luna was right as usual.

~o~o~o~o~o~

A little over a week later, she decided on a whim to go see Harry immediately after work. She chose to Apparate rather than Floo to Grimmauld, since Harry usually kept his Floo closed and not very clean. She arrived at the park just outside Grimmauld Place just as night started to fall in the neighbourhood, casting the park in a blue gloom.

"Hello?" she called from the hallway. She could hear voices in the dining room so someone was home at least, and tried to work out who it could be as she walked closer.

"I just don' understand, Harry," a male voice was saying. It didn't sound like Ron. "I thought we were happy together but she just … you know, dumped me?"

"Yeah, you looked really happy together last time I saw you but that was, what, last December?" Harry commented. "Did Luna say anything to you?"

Someone drained a pint of beer by the sound of it. She had stopped right outside the door to the dining room. Was that Neville?

"She said something about me 'n' Hannah being right for each other and she didn't want to get in the way? I don't get it, sure Hannah's nice if you know what I mean but I hadn't even thought about her that way before!"

Harry snorted. "Yeah, she's got a nice rack. But you're seeing her now?"

Hermione winced quietly. Guys.

"Yes but I'd rather be with Luna. I thought we had something special, you know?"

Hermione shook her head, trying to clear it. Before Harry could get suspicious she knocked once on the kitchen door and then entered. "Hi Harry, I just thought I should stop by for once. Hi Neville, um should I leave you two to it?"

Neville sniffled into a handkerchief but Harry rose to hug her before handing her a beer. "No no, come on in, it's good to see you. Luna broke up with Neville, did you hear?"

"Oh, I'm sorry Neville," she said and settled on the kitchen sofa bench next to her former classmate. "I'd heard something from Luna, I thought it was…" Actually, she didn't know what to think, now that she thought about it. Hadn't Luna sounded so certain Neville wanted to ditch her for Hannah?

"Thanks," Neville mumbled indistinctly. "How are you anyway, Hermione?"

She smiled faintly. "Oh, it's alright, just frustrated with my research at the moment. Nothing does what I want it to. What about you, otherwise?"

It seemed he cheered up a bit when she asked about his Herbology research. He was planning a tour with Pomona Sprout that summer to study magical plants in various countries, and to collect specimens for the greenhouses. Kreacher popped in with a tray full of cheese and crackers, which also helped with the mood. It felt nice to sit and chat with friends, not worrying about much else. Almost like old times. She carefully shut aside all thoughts of Severus Snape and instead focused on her friends.

"Did you get the invite to the ball?" Harry asked her. "Kingsley came by to discuss it earlier, he said he was hoping that it would help build unity and so on. I don't know about that but I promised him we'd go, I hope you can make it? Ginny and Ron have already confirmed."

She nodded. "I got it, yes. I think I can make it. Is Ginny in tonight?"

"Not yet, she's playing Quidditch tonight, a training match. She'll be home late."

Ron walked in. He lit up when he saw her, kissed her quickly and settled beside Harry with a beer. She hadn't known he was in the house, and apparently he thought the same.

"I didn't know you were coming?"

She shrugged. "I decided just before I left. How's work?"

He dragged a hand through his hair. "Fine, I guess. We're probably going out on a field assignment in June, I'm finally going to be out hunting bad guys."

"Oh, really? Isn't that dangerous?"

"Shut up, Ron!" Harry said. "We're not supposed to talk about it. We'll be gone for two weeks or more with no communication."

They spent the evening talking about other things. Harry was apparently being given more responsibility already, despite his young age. He seemed to fit in well with the teams and really enjoyed the work, even if he couldn't talk about it. He told her about changes they were trying to implement in the wake of the war, and how deep the issues went in some departments. Still, Kingsley had done a good job trying to clean up the worst of the corruption. Hermione was happy for him, hearing how he apparently had found his niche already, doing what he was good at and enjoyed.

She ended up staying the night. It wasn't too bad when she closed her eyes.

When she hadn't fallen asleep half an hour later she snuck out of bed, got dressed and padded down to the kitchen. Ginny was there with a cup of tea and some sandwiches but the others had left or gone to bed.

"Hey," Ginny said. "Just got back from training, need some time to wind down before I go to bed or I can't sleep anyway."

Hermione nodded. "Hi, I was just…"

"It's alright. Tea?"

Hermione shrugged. "Sure."

Ginny poured her a cup with a tap of her wand, the charm undoubtedly learned from Molly Weasley. Hermione accepted the cup gratefully and settled in the kitchen sofa, pulling her feet up.

"You seem different now," Ginny said, looking directly at her friend. "More confident, I'd say, but you also seem worse when you're with Ron. What's going on? Did anything happen?"

Hermione froze. What would she tell Ginny? She took a sip from her mug to gain some time. "I've been busy with work. I miss my parents, you know? I really want to bring them back if I can."

Ginny winced. "Yes, I understand that. Still no closer to a solution, are you?"

Hermione shook her head. "No, I have no idea what to do."

"You didn't get any good contacts you could ask for advice during that conference you were at, what was it, SNIFFLES?"

"HICCUP, if you would." Hermione glared at her friend who just giggled at her. "Well, maybe, but I want to sort it out myself, you know."

Ginny nodded and they lapsed into silence for a while. The tea was nice, and the shared stillness helped soothe a nerve or two.

"You know, I never quite thought you were well matched with my brother. I know Mum keeps pushing you but honestly? You'd be better off with someone else, and him too. I think he wants someone like Mum and sorry, Hermione, but you'll never be Molly Weasley."

"Yes, I know," Hermione admitted. "I just don't want to hurt anyone."

"How is he in bed? He can be quite selfish otherwise, you know?" Ginny asked, always keen on details.

Hermione glared at her friend over her cup of tea. "Ginny, I don't want to discuss my sex life with you, especially not when it relates to your brother, you know."

Ginny shrugged. "It's just that I've never seen you look at him the way I look at Harry. You _are_ having sex, aren't you?"

"Ginny!"

Her friend just smirked at her.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Ginny had talked her into getting ready together, at Grimmauld. Luckily she had a few dress robes to choose from after her shopping trip earlier that year, for the conference. The one she liked best was out of the question, unfortunately. Ron would never accept seeing her in emerald dress robes. He'd start shouting something about Slytherins and ask who had corrupted her, and she'd rather not go down that route. Besides, it would just be a too forceful reminder of the time she had worn it, at the conference dinner. Instead she picked a rich burgundy dress with lace sleeves and a rather modest neckline that Lucy had found for her.

The ball was held at an estate belonging to one of the older Wizarding families, Marchbanks, and they'd all been given a Portkey with the invite that could be activated during the course of the ball. All of them activated theirs at the same time, and they arrived in front of the doors to a modest-looking manor house, the whole garden decorated with floating lanterns, sculptures and fountains.

Harry and Ginny walked up first towards the doors, to the applause of the press gathered by the entrance. Ginny was as radiant as ever in a bright white dress with golden brocade details, but Hermione could see how Harry strained to keep up the polite mask in the face of all the cameras. She felt the same when it was their turn.

The evening passed in a daze. Kingsley came up to greet them right at the entrance to the lavish ballroom, making sure to be caught on camera. Most of the prominent people of Wizarding Britain were there, along with several of their friends and acquaintances. Hermione spotted a few teachers from Hogwarts, and some Aurors she recognised. Luna was there, and Neville, carefully avoiding each other. Neville was with Hannah, but Hermione wondered a bit about them when she saw them dancing. They just seemed wrong, somehow, as if both of them were settling for someone while waiting for something else. A live band was playing already and Charmed trays with food and drinks were floating around the perimeter of the large room.

She danced with Ron, trying not to get her toes stepped on, and with Harry who was slightly better after Ginny had forced him to take some dance lessons. Kingsley breezed by for a dance, leading her expertly around the floor. He danced well but there was no spark with him, not at all like dancing with Severus. Draco asked for a dance when Ron was off to get drinks for himself. At least the blond Slytherin could dance, she mused.

"Having fun, Granger?" he asked as he steered them expertly across the floor.

"Oh yes, loads," she agreed. "At least you dance well. What about you?"

He chuckled. "I actually agree, on all counts. You dance better than I'd expected, and I'd rather be anywhere else tonight."

She smirked at him and nodded.

Ron chose that moment to return and physically pull her out of Draco's hold, spilling Firewhisky down the side of her dress in the process.

"May the Fourth be with you, Granger," Draco called out to her sarcastically as he sauntered off somewhere else.

The reference caught her completely off-guard, why would Draco know…? Still, she had more urgent issues to handle, and she dragged Ron off to a dark corner in order to avoid attention. She couldn't spell the dress dry unless she wanted it to catch fire.

"Thanks so much, Ron," she hissed. "Why did you have to do that?"

"You can't dance with him!" her boyfriend told her. He was standing slightly too close and had probably had a good start already with the drinks.

"And whyever not? And now my dress is all soaked in Firewhisky!"

"He's Slytherin!" Ron argued, waving his Firewhisky about. Some more splashed onto the skirt of her dress before she quickly stepped aside.

Hermione deflated. There was simply no point. "I'm leaving, Ron. If you want to stay that's fine with me."

"Thought we were staying at Grimmauld tonight?" Ron frowned but at least he had calmed down a little.

"After this? No, Ron. Look, I see Lavender over there, go say hi to her."

Said witch was staring in their direction, frowning, undoubtedly having seen the whole scene. Hermione gave her a tight smile, pecked Ron on the cheek and left.

~o~o~o~o~o~

May flew by without her noticing, she was so immersed in work. She barely managed to see her friends, only when they practically dragged her from her office to ply her with food and drinks somewhere. She did meet up with Severus a few times but he also seemed distracted, especially the first time they met up after the Ministry ball. The _Daily Prophet_ had of course been full of pictures from the ball the next day, and she had appeared in several, together with Ron but also from her dance with Kingsley. Severus had sneered something about media attention but seemed to mellow when she talked about dancing with Draco. Apparently Draco had made some new friends at work who had introduced him to Star Wars, which explained that mystery at least.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Healer Trout came by to see her one afternoon after Lucy had sent him an emergency memo when her usual strategy of tea hadn't worked. She'd even broken out the tin of Scottish shortbread to no effect. When he entered, Hermione had her head on her desk and was talking to one of the memos while Lucy was patting her shoulder, trying to be supportive.

"I'm a complete failure, I won't ever make it, I should just resign right away, I'll never get my parents back!"

He surveyed the situation and quickly summoned some tea for them. From a pocket of his robes he dug out a bottle of brandy, and added a liberal splash to Hermione's cup. The unexpected addition made her cough when she took a first sip, but soon she managed to calm down enough to tell him a bit more about her lack of results. Meanwhile, he'd settled in Lucy's chair, having sent the younger witch off somewhere else.

"I see. So you've identified the need for a new or improved potion but have no leads yet on how to make it work?"

"Yes," she said glumly. "I have no idea where to even start."

He tapped his teacup with a long finger and appeared to think about something. "There's nothing wrong with reaching out to others in the community, you know, although you run the risk of them publishing results before you, of course. Had that happen to me myself when I was doing my Apprenticeship, I needed some input on a tricky problem in Charms and next I knew the results were published by the wizard I consulted. I never forgave Ivor Dillonsby for that."

Hermione laughed. "You basically answered your own question then, didn't you? About me reaching out, I mean. What were you trying to research?"

Healer Trout chuckled as well. "Looks like it. Well, my research wasn't as ambitious as yours, I was looking at wart removal. Dillonsby published a paper on using dragon's blood for it which worked much better than what I had tried. Anyway, in that case, have you looked at all existing research in depth and analysed the workings of the current potions related to memories?"

That caught her interest. "Dragon's blood? Wasn't Professor Dumbledore the one who discovered the twelve uses for it?"

Healer Trout winced. "He got credit for it, yes, but Ivor always claimed that Albus stole his notes, not that I know one way or the other. I can't claim any ownership of the dragon's blood idea, I was looking in other directions myself." He eyed her sternly but the crinkles at the corner of his eyes betrayed his amusement. "Now, enough about me. It is time to call in some favours. Do you want to contact Professor Snape yourself or do you want me to do it? I'd love to meet him again, he is one of the brightest researchers I know."

"What?"

"Nevermind, I'll do it." Without further ado, Healer Trout rose and activated Hermione's office Floo. He threw in some powder, casting the room in the green glow of a Floo call. "Severus Snape's office, Hogwarts!"

"No, wait!" Hermione protested.

"Yes?" Severus' rich baritone echoed through the flames.

"Severus? This is Desmond Trout at St Mungo's research. Have you a moment?"

"A moment, yes," came the answer. Hermione couldn't see his face from where she sat. She wanted to sink through the floor. The shame of needing to ask for help coupled with the fact that the last time she'd seen one Professor Snape he'd been naked in her bed, and then the whole mess of having Healer Trout initiating a request for help instead of leaving it to her.

"I have an Apprentice whom I have reason to believe you've met," Healer Trout explained. "Miss Granger. Did you happen to talk about her research in Prague? She's stuck on a potions problem."

"No, please, stop!" Hermione tried again.

"Is that so?" Severus answered. "Yes, I have heard of it. She may write me if she has any questions, although it doesn't sound as if she's too keen on it?"

"No!"

"Excellent," Healer Trout exclaimed. "I had hoped to lure you here to discuss research at some point, Severus."

"I must leave, Desmond. Until later." Severus closed the connection, and Healer Trout stepped back from the flames.

He turned towards her. "I know you want to go at it alone, Hermione, but this time as your mentor I must request that you ask him for help. Set up a meeting and try to get him to come here at some point. He's the absolute best Potions Master in Britain, probably in Europe."

"Yes, Healer Trout," she answered dully. The brandy must have worn off already.

"It's Desmond, as you well know," he admonished with a smile and rose to leave.

~o~o~o~o~o~

That evening she sent Iris off to Hogwarts.

 _Dear Severus_

 _I_ _'m sorry for my outburst, I'm so incredibly frustrated by this research. I'll try harder._

 _\- Hermione_

Iris returned that same evening, she must have flown back without a break.

 _I think I know how to make you relax. Come see me at Hogwarts next Friday evening at seven sharp, my office. Wear your school uniform. Do not be seen. The safe word is Time Team._

 _-SS_

Confusion, embarrassment and a mounting excitement were warring for attention. What was he planning? And what did he mean, safe word?


	7. The Excuses

**The Excuses**

She made her way down to the dungeons in the evening of the first Friday in June, feeling both nostalgic and silly in her old school uniform. It didn't fit quite right anymore, especially over her chest area. She'd wrapped a travel cloak over it all to hide it from others, should she run into someone, and she had cast the best Disillusionment and Notice-Me Not charms she could on herself since the students were still in the Castle. Filch had been waiting by the gates to let her in and hadn't recognised her other than asking for the password Severus had provided when he had clarified the details in another note. Had they done that often, arranging for someone to see him in the dungeons with Filch's help at the gates? Were they still doing it? She had to force the unbidden thoughts away, after all he wasn't interested in a relationship and she shouldn't be one to speak if he happened to see someone else. Still, she hoped he wasn't.

She knocked on his office door before opening it without waiting for a response. Taking a few steps in she still didn't see him, but assumed he was there.

"Severus, why did you want me to —"

A sharp crack startled her. He stood behind the desk, wearing his teaching robes and looking every bit the stern Potions Master she remembered from her classes. He held a riding crop, for some reason, and had snapped it against the desk. He pointed towards one of the uncomfortable-looking chairs and gestured for her to remove her travel cloak. Confused, she did as he indicated, putting the cloak over one of the chairs and sitting down in the other, adjusting her school skirt over her knees. The chair was exactly as uncomfortable as it had seemed, most likely on purpose.

"Detention, Miss Granger," he hissed, his eyes boring into hers. "You know the meaning of that, don't you?"

"What?!"

He stalked closer, behaving so much like he had when she was his student. Stopping next to his desk of his desk he put both hands down on it and leaned forward, towering over her. She'd only visited his office once or twice during her Hogwarts years, but it was as dark and ominous as she remembered. Shelves with odd, dusty specimens and musty tomes lined the walls, while his dark wooden desk stood in the centre of the room with two chairs in front of it. The room was poorly lit, a few candles casting odd shadows, making it hard to see any details.

"Miss Granger, you've been a naughty witch, haven't you? Have you been pilfering my stores again?"

"Nosir!" Heat was pooling in her belly.

He smiled in that predatory way he used to do when someone had given the wrong answer to a question.

"Oh yes," he purred. "Naughty witches who steal from their Professors and deny doing so will get spanked, Miss Granger. It's in the rule book."

"What?!" That wasn't exactly what she'd expected.

"Did you forget something, Miss Granger?" That damnable eyebrow rose again.

"I'm sorry, sir!"

He nodded. "That's better. Now don't forget it again or I'll have to add ten strokes for each time you forget to call me _sir._ Come here and bend over my lap."

He pulled out his own office chair next to his desk and sat down. Nerves, disbelief and rapidly mounting excitement were warring for attention but her obedient side won out. Gingerly she settled across his lap, waiting for his next move. To her surprise he began lecturing instead of anything physical. The position was slightly uncomfortable seeing as her head was below her arse but he Summoned one of the chairs for her to rest her arms and head on.

"There are two positions that are especially useful for a spanking, Miss Granger," he began. His voice was calm and detached, as if he was describing the effect of a potion ingredient. "This one happens to be my favourite, seeing as it gives very good access to all affected areas. The other would be with you standing up, bracing against my desk. That one is especially useful when using an implement, such as that crop over there. Now, what would you prefer, Miss Granger? This way, or the crop?"

Embarrassment was rising quickly, over her position, his questions, and the fact that her knickers were probably sopping wet already. "This way, sir!" she quickly answered.

He chuckled. The sound made her feel ridiculously pleased with herself, for pleasing him. What was wrong with her? "Very good. Now, naughty witches who are to receive a spanking will need to pull up their skirt. Could you do that, Miss Granger?"

With some wiggling she managed to comply without moving too much from his lap. She could smell him from there, his personal scent of earthy herbs and sandalwood.

"Very good, sweet. Now, I shall pull your knickers down. Naughty witches will get spanked on their bare bottom."

She could feel him slowly hooking his fingers in the waistband of her knickers, pulling them over her arse. The chilly dungeon air caused goosebumps to form on her flesh, but she could feel the heat of a blush on her face.

The first slap stung, making her flinch when it hit.

"Well, what do naughty witches say when they receive a spanking, hmm?"

"Ehh… Thank you, sir?"

"Very good." His hand fell again on her backside, in a slightly different spot, and again. The sharp contact stung but she guessed he wasn't using that much force.

She lost track, lost count. His hand rhythmically falling on her arse, causing her flesh to burn. The sounds, the slow throbbing feeling that slowly spread down her legs and between them. Somehow something else was shaken loose as well, all her worries and stress and fear melting away under his hand, pushed aside as the only thing that mattered was the present. After a while she noticed that he'd stopped and instead was rubbing gentle circles over her back, her legs, her arse.

"Thank you sir," she croaked and meant it.

"On your knees, sweet," he told her. "You've been a good girl, it's time for your reward."

She felt stupidly happy for his praise. Clumsily she climbed off his lap and settled on her knees in front of him still seated in his chair. He was undoing buttons, she hazily noticed, and soon he fished out his heavy dick out of its confines. He wasn't completely hard but maybe halfway there.

"You've dreamt of this, haven't you? To suck your Professor's cock?" He moved forward a bit and opened his knees so that she could settle between them.

She quickly took him in her mouth, resting her elbows on his thighs and using a hand on his shaft for assistance. He was clean and she liked the feel of his shaft in her mouth, the way the skin moved under her lips.

"Yes, sir!" she tried to say around his thick length. He chuckled at her attempt.

"Very good, Miss Granger."

She got to work. Her knees ached and her arse felt as if it was on fire but that didn't matter much. For once, the constant whirring in her brain had shut itself off. The only thing that mattered was to make him feel good. She slobbered all over his shaft and used the saliva to make her hand slick so that she could use a tighter grip on him. Her other hand had good access to his balls which seemed to appreciate the attention, making him inhale sharply. She hollowed her cheeks and sucked hard, causing his hips to buck towards her.

"I believe your detention is finished, Miss Granger," he groaned. "As will I be soon if you keep that up. May I?"

He'd pushed her off him with a hand in her hair, and now offered her some support to rise. She released him reluctantly and took his hand while he tucked his stiff cock back inside his robes. With a wave of his hand, a doorway became visible on the back wall.

"Hermione," he whispered and kissed her wetly, hungrily. He opened the door and pulled her along through a short corridor and another doorway, to his private quarters. The fire was lit, she spotted two armchairs and several bookshelves but didn't have much time to investigate as he led her through another door which opened to a short hallway with two doors. He paused in front of one of them.

"Would you mind terribly if I take you to bed?"

"Please." She reached up to kiss him in turn, wanting to prove to him that she meant it.

He flung the door open and started in on her uniform, pulling her skirt down by hand before giving up. With a wave of his wand she was naked and deposited in his large, four-poster bed. He quickly followed after another series of charms, and she pulled him down for kisses, needing him close.

Both of them groaned when he entered her, filling her up completely. This time he didn't go for gentle and slow, instead he set a furious pace as if trying to fuck her through the mattress. When he hooked one of her legs over his shoulder the change in angle caused her to completely fall apart, and that in turn allowed him to let himself go. She pulled her leg back down just as he collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily. She didn't mind, instead she pulled him closer, holding him tight as they returned to normalcy.

After a while he rolled off to the side, despite her protests. His bed was soft, comfortable, and huge. He had a dark green duvet cover which contrasted nicely against the dark wood of the bed posters and the white bedsheet. A large cabinet for clothes stood by the side of the bed with a small rug in front of it, and the other side had a window with dark green heavy curtains. A dresser stood by the foot of the bed and he had two side tables on either side of the bed, both laden with books. A fluffy grey area rug covered most of the area between the door and the bed, and she noted a pair of lambswool slippers in the corner.

"Severus?"

"What, witch?"

She bit her lip. What did she actually want to know? She had a million questions but probably wouldn't like the answers. "Do you… do that often?"

"What? Oh." He settled closer, his nose buried in her hair. "No, I don't, it has been a very long time. And before you ask, never with a student. I haven't ever felt tempted even when some of the NEWT-level witches tried to throw themselves at me. Not that it happened very often, mind you, but a few times over the years."

"Alright." That made her feel a bit better, at least until she shifted slightly and her backside stung, causing her to hiss.

"Oh, my apologies, I will see to that." He rolled away from her and started rooting around in the side table next to the bed.

She started to untangle herself from bed. "Where's your bathroom?"

"Door across the hallway." He gestured vaguely at the door.

His bathroom was large and airy, with a combined shower and bathtub and several dark wood cabinets. The floor and tub appeared to be marble, probably shaped with magic as she couldn't see any seams. The sink and countertops were a light marble, the faucets were well-polished brass and she was relieved to see that he had a regular, Muggle mirror over the sink and not a talking one. She relieved herself and washed off the worst of the stickiness in the shower.

When she returned he had her lie down on her belly so that he could rub a salve all over her backside. She winced at his first touch, her bum red and hot after his prior treatment. The salve helped, however.

"Do you want me to rub your back?" he asked when he'd put the jar away.

She shook her head and reached for him. "Not now, could you just hold me?"

He placed a light kiss on her shoulder blade. "Of course, just let me get ready." He slipped off to the bathroom too.

"What did you think?" he asked some time later. He was behind her, holding her securely against his chest, his long legs fitting along hers nicely.

"I … it's hard to say," she began slowly. "At first I was a bit scared and embarrassed but then … it was just such a relief to let everything go. I don't understand how it could be like that?"

He nodded against her hair. "It releases a lot of endorphins. You did remember the safe word, right? I didn't exactly ask you beforehand if you wanted to do it."

She nodded, her cheek rubbing against his bicep. "Yes, but it wasn't too much. I didn't feel the need to use it."

"Good."

She twisted slightly but didn't manage to turn around to look at him. "You know I trust you, right? I know you wouldn't hurt me on purpose."

His breath hitched. He didn't answer, other than by pulling her close and pressing a kiss to her temple. She thought she heard him whisper a thanks as she drifted off to sleep.

~o~o~o~o~o~

It was rather surreal to wake up in Severus Snape's bed at Hogwarts. When she turned to look at him he was already awake, on his side looking at her.

"Morning. Did you sleep well?" he asked.

She smiled. "I seem to do that with you."

"Excellent." He pressed a kiss on her forehead and excused himself to the shower.

Meanwhile, Hermione stretched and got up from the bed. Her trusted and by now rather shabby beaded bag had been left in his office the day before with her clothes, so she stole the white shirt he'd discarded on the floor the previous evening instead. It went well over her thighs and smelled of him, but she had to roll up the sleeves to free her hands. He came back in just as she had finished, with only a towel around his waist.

"That looks good on you," he commented and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her. She ran her hands over his back and up his wet hair, urging his head down for a kiss.

"I'll have to say the same." She gestured at his towel and stroked his chest, tweaking a dark nipple with her thumb.

He frowned. "I find that hard to believe, I'm not much to look at."

She wanted to kiss him everywhere to prove just how wrong he was, but other needs made themselves known and she had to excuse herself to the bathroom. Shortly thereafter they were settled in his living room with a large selection of breakfast items delivered from the kitchens. He had retrieved her bag and cloak from the office but she'd elected to keep his shirt although she had put on fresh underwear.

Daylight filtered in through a window on one of the walls. She couldn't make sense of the dimensions since they were still in the dungeons and besides the wall must be internal to the Castle, but he explained it away with magic. Apparently the Castle had seen fit to put in windows that actually showed the view from a completely different part when he returned to live in his quarters after the war, which also explained the one in his bedroom. A large mahogany dining table was stood by the window, with four chairs around it and heaps of parchment, research notes and books scattered over the surface. He had a couch and an armchair by the fireplace, and bookshelves along most of the walls. She was itching to get her sticky mitts on his books but her stomach insisted on starting with breakfast.

He eyed her sternly once they'd cleared away the breakfast items. "Get dressed, witch, if you want us to go over your notes. You are horribly distracting in my shirt."

"Awwww!"

Some time later she'd spread her notes all over his dining table and was talking about her failed attempts, while he was listening intently and making his own notes in the notebook she'd given him. He asked for more details on the charms she'd developed, the calculations and the baseline status of the patients.

Much, much later she stretched her back and stifled a yawn. She was stiff, her hand was cramped from writing, she was half buried under notes and books from his shelves and her stomach grumbled at her. A quick look at her wristwatch confirmed what her body was telling her.

"Severus?"

"Hmmm?" He looked up distractedly from where he was busy cross-referencing various texts, taking copious notes.

"We seem to have missed lunch… and probably dinner as well."

His eyebrows rose a fraction. "Is that so? Indeed it is."

They had dinner in his quarters, again brought up from the kitchen by the elves. Afterwards he insisted on a walk around the lake, saying they needed some fresh air and that they were done for the day with research despite Hermione's protests. Still, the walk was nice. The June evening was warm for Scotland with the sun still up. Birdsong and fresh flowers lined their path, and he pointed out a few that could be used for potions. Luckily they didn't encounter any students.

She stayed another night. Their lovemaking was slower but no less intense, and afterwards she drifted off to sleep, feeling safe and content in his arms.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Ron and Harry left on their secret mission, to Hermione's relief. She very firmly pushed both of them to the back of her mind, refusing to think about her boyfriend while meeting Severus. It was unclear how long they would be gone but they said to plan for at least two weeks. The only issue was that Severus was still busy with lessons as Hogwarts had another few weeks to go of term, and he still had obligations, detentions and rounds to oversee, but Millicent managed quite a lot of the workload. He also had to work on his new business, with some contract brewing and administration tasks that couldn't wait, as well as revising his textbooks.

She'd made a more official appearance at Hogwarts the next Wednesday after work, requesting entrance by the gates and greeting both Hagrid and Minerva on the way to his office. As expected, Minerva insisted that she join them at the High Table for dinner, and so she found herself seated between the Headmistress and Severus, looking out over the mass of students. There were fewer than she'd thought, apparently enrolment was still down after the war, but the numbers for next year were looking up and there was even talk of hiring extra teachers for a few of the core subjects since the classes were growing. Hogwarts could handle it, after all, there were lots of unused classrooms and staff accommodations, but getting money from the Board of Governors might be trickier.

"Would you and Harry perhaps be able to speak up for us?" Minerva asked over their sticky toffee pudding.

"Of course, if you think that would help," Hermione agreed, ignoring Severus' muttered commentary on her other side.

As Hermione and Severus rose to leave Minerva spoke up again.

"Lovely to see you, dear, I guess you'll be around a bit if you are collaborating with Severus? You're always welcome here at Hogwarts, you know."

"Thank you, Minerva," Hermione said with a smile.

They went down to his lab which had an entrance via his office, through the corridor she'd barely glimpsed during her first visit. They went down a set of stairs and opened a heavy oak door, to a large room with white-washed walls, several workspaces, fume hoods and equipment shelves. It looked almost like a Muggle lab, but with more esoteric equipment. Millicent was there already, busy brewing potions for the Infirmary. After some slightly awkward greetings, Millicent went back to her work leaving them to set up brewing stations in what appeared to be Severus' part of the lab.

"This lab is what had me agree to returning to Hogwarts," he commented as he pulled out cauldrons and chopping boards from their storage shelves.

"Yes, I can really understand that. It's amazing, Severus."

He nodded. "Of course, a lot of the equipment, reference books and ingredients are mine so I'll see what I take with me when I leave next year."

She brought out her notes again and started listing ingredients they needed. He had insisted on both brewing the standard Memory Potion for reference, and a few of the alternatives she'd tried. It was difficult at first to keep their interactions strictly professional, given that Millicent was there too, but after a while she was able to relax and focus on the brewing rather than on the man beside her. Still, she couldn't help but to marvel at his dexterity and intense focus when he chopped ingredients or stirred the cauldrons, seemingly without counting. She barely noticed when Millicent finished up her work and left, and they stayed late, not wanting to leave until the Memory Potion was at the point where it needed to sit for a day to cool down before doing the next step.

That evening she stayed with him but neither of them had energy for more than a cuddle before falling asleep. The next day was a working day so she only had time for a shared breakfast before having to leave. Luckily she'd packed a toothbrush and some underwear in her bag, and her animals had food and water available. He walked her to the gates where they shared a kiss before she was off to work again.

Announcing to the Hogwarts staff that they were involved in research made it easy to spend time together, allowing them to share weekday evenings, nights and mornings and not just meeting over the weekends. They argued potions theories, Arithmantic calculations, and who made the best chocolate mousse after having spent a messy Saturday in Hermione's flat. The research was still not exactly yielding the results she needed, but the relief of having someone as bright as Severus Snape on her side made it easier to bear. She wasn't alone, and she had someone to bounce ideas off of.

Healer Trout was elated when she brought Severus to a meeting at St Mungo's just after Hogwarts had released the students for the summer. They went through her research and the department's other work, cautiously sharing various research ideas. Hermione suspected the two wizards had reached some sort of unspoken understanding regarding contracting work after Severus was to leave Hogwarts, and idly wondered if Healer Trout had been in Slytherin.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Ron's and Harry's return from their Auror assignment, a little over three weeks after they left, threw a wrench in her weekend plans with Severus when they asked her to come to Grimmauld since it had been so long. Suddenly reality came crashing down around her. She was still, officially, seeing Ronald Bilius Weasley and had absolutely no cause to be in bed with one Severus Snape, who still claimed not to want a relationship. And when she was with Ron and Harry, it was easy enough to slip back into the role she'd had since she was twelve, the third of the Trio, Harry's best friend and Ron's girlfriend, shutting out all thoughts of Severus from her mind. She did love Ron, truly. She did. It was just… Why was it so hard? Everyone thought they should get married and start a family and Hermione didn't want to hurt him that badly by breaking up. He'd been through so much, the war, Auror training and all that.

It was nice to see them again although she missed the Hogwarts dungeons. She chatted with Harry who was a bit withdrawn and moody, clearly shaken by whatever they had been up to which he couldn't talk to them about. He and Ginny had a few weeks off and were going to visit a few places in Wizarding Europe, including Paris, Granada in Spain, and Crete. Ginny was looking forward to the beach already but Harry seemed more keen on Paris since he'd never been outside Britain until only a few years ago.

She felt obliged to follow Ron up the stairs to his room. He was almost frantic with need, saying it had been too long, while she couldn't get her body to respond. Only by closing her eyes and retreating to memories of another's hands on her body did she manage to get wet enough for it not to hurt.

She spent a long time in the shower afterwards.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Iris came bearing a letter from Marit and Sofia one evening when she actually was at her flat. Hermione almost tried to hug her owl when reading the note, out of relief. She'd never had an easy time with friendships but perhaps one or more of these three may become long-distance friends, and now they were inviting her to Amsterdam.

"Thank you," she told her bird who eyed her a bit warily, clearly expecting another physical attack. "If you would rest here tonight you could perhaps take a note back in the morning to them? I'd love to meet up with them. Oh, I also need to send a note to Luna, would you be able to start with that?"

Iris hooted and held her leg out towards her, clearly wanting to go flying again, so Hermione penned a quick note to her other friend asking if she could pet-sit for a few days.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Amsterdam was great, and above all she didn't have to deal with Ron during that time. Healer Trout had been quick to grant her a few days off, and so she could arrive Wednesday evening and stay until Sunday. Marit and Sofia waited at the International Portkey station and caught her in a hug almost before Hermione saw them. The two witches shared a flat near their work, and Hermione could sleep in the spare room since their third roommate had finished her studies and moved out. It was surprisingly easy to get along with them. They chatted and laughed together as if they'd known each others for years, not just for a few days back in February. Lise-Mari arrived Friday evening. They went to all the pubs, tried all the Dutch food, stayed up way too long chatting, and she didn't feel guilty even once for being away from her research. The other girls talked a bit about boy troubles but Hermione evaded any questions, at a loss for what to say. Sofia was feeling the pressure academically since she was due to defend her thesis in September, but Marit was on a similar schedule as Hermione with a preliminary date next May. Lise-Mari would finish in January, having a slightly different process since she studied Healing.

Luna had bought fresh groceries for her when she returned, all peopled out. Crookshanks seemed moderately pleased to have her back, and Iris hooted reproachfully at her, apparently miffed that Hermione got to travel and not her. Later that week she met up with Luna for lunch. Apparently she was planning to relocate the Quibbler office to London since she didn't need to stay close to Neville anymore, and she was also planning a trip for most of August to look for magical creatures with her father.

She tried to meet up with Severus but their schedules didn't seem to match up since he was trying to publish two Potions books before the start of term, and Hermione did feel slightly guilty over having neglected her friends in June. She saw Ron and the twins at the Leaky for an after-work pub night with Ron's Auror friends, grateful for the fact that she could excuse herself early but still be seen to make an effort. The next time he wanted to meet up she blamed her period.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Bill and Fleur invited Ron and her to Shell Cottage for a few days towards the end of July. Ginny and Harry were still out touring Europe. Summer was still holding on, an unusual heatwave causing everyone to complain about the horrible heat and seek any excuse for ice cream and picnics in the parks. It felt odd to return to the small cottage for the first time since the War, however. She'd been freshly traumatised, badly hurt and half starved last time she stayed there, but Fleur coaxed her inside with gentle hands and a soft stream of words so that she could see all the changes they'd made since Victoire arrived.

She could see Fleur looking at her, at both of them. The beautiful blonde witch didn't say anything, however.

Ron was getting increasingly handsy. He kissed her whenever he could, and if he thought Bill and Fleur weren't looking his hand would creep up to her breast, or her arse, or the inside of her thighs. She told him to stop but it didn't help much.

At night, he crawled even closer to her in the bed they shared. "It's been two weeks, Hermione. Come on, a man's got needs, you know? Can't you just let me inside just a little? I'll be quick, I promise!"

"No we can't, Ron," she snapped. "Not here, in your brother's house. I'd die of shame! You know he's got werewolf influences, I'm sure his hearing is way too good now, and both of them would smell us out."

Ron huffed. "It doesn't matter, you're my girlfriend! They know that!"

"It matters to me. Do you want me to go sleep on the couch instead, or will you go?"

"Fine," he grumbled and turned away from her, his back rigid with anger.

She enjoyed strolling along the beach, both alone and with Fleur especially. They didn't talk much, only to Victoire if the child was with them. The sea was warm enough for her to remove her sandals and walk barefoot, enjoying the feel of wet sand and water over her feet.

The last day she was suddenly reminded of something when she was taking a shower, trying to wash some of the sand out of her hair. She quickly went back to fetch her beaded bag and went to seek out the older couple. Bill and Ron were in the kitchen, discussing some Auror techniques, while Fleur was playing with Victoire nearby.

"I tried a new salve for cursed scars, Bill, maybe you would like to test it? It really worked well on mine." She dug out the jar from her bag, she'd used most of it already and her scars were mostly faded to silver. Both elder Weasleys had seen the ones on her arm when they were fresh, after all. Fleur had done some Veela magic to seal it but it hadn't worked perfectly.

Bill was immediately interested. "I haven't found anything that could counter the werewolf stain. Why do you think this would help? What's different about it?

"It's a new recipe by Professor Snape, so you know it'll work. I'm sure he would help you if you write to him, Bill. Here, try some."

She held out the jar for him. He took it cautiously and sniffed it before passing it on to Fleur.

Ron frowned. "Why would you use anything he brewed? He's an evil git. And what scars, 'Mione? I thought you'd gone to the Healers ages ago for those nasty things?"

Fleur raised an impeccable eyebrow at her brother-in-law. Hermione blushed. "No, Ron, I hid them with Glamours. But now they're pretty much gone!"

She rolled up the sleeve of her loose shirt, to show the remainder of the scar. The M and part of the B were still a bit red but the other letters were barely discernible against her skin, at least where she hadn't tanned too much as they tended towards silver.

"Still nasty," Ron said with a frown.

Bill sighed at his brother. Fleur took out a small amount of salve, and rubbed it into her husband's cheek. He frowned and raised a hand to touch the area, but Fleur swatted it away.

"It tingles?" Bill said after a while.

"Good! That means the nerves are awakening!"

"Oh, Bill!" Fleur said, beaming a smile at both Hermione and her husband.

"You should write to him, tell him I gave you a sample, I'm sure he'll send you more! Oh, and perhaps something needs tweaking for werewolf bites, you could keep a log perhaps and let him publish the results?"

She didn't notice when Ron had slipped out of the room.

~o~o~o~o~o~

It had been over a month since they last met and she was going spare. She couldn't think, couldn't focus. She'd sent Iris off with a note early in the morning but wasn't sure he'd make it. When he finally rang the doorbell she practically flung herself at him even before he had a chance to enter her flat, causing him to chuckle and push her inside so he could close and ward the door.

All her stress and worries and guilt melted away. The world shrank to him, his scent, his touch. Somehow they made it into her bedroom. She removed his clothes with a charm, leaving him stark naked on her rug, his erection poking her stomach. He reciprocated and soon she was deposited on the bed, kissing him hungrily as if to make up for lost time. He trailed kisses down her body, driving her mad with need. She tangled her hands in his inky black hair, needing him faster, closer, more.

His mouth attached itself to her clit, causing her hips to buck up. He inserted a finger and then another, curving his fingers to find just the right spot by that had her go completely spare, and then started moving them. She groaned and gave herself over to his rhythm.

Gradually she noticed what his other hand was up to. Slowly he trailed a path along her thigh, inching towards her hamstrings. He coaxed her leg higher so that the sole of her foot rested on the mattress. Slow touches gradually drifted closer to her core but not quite meeting the other hand which still kept up the same rhythm.

She almost bucked off the mattress when she felt the tip of his finger touching the most intimate, forbidden area of her arse. He didn't relent, his bodyweight kept her in place while his mouth and other fingers drove her absolutely mad. Very very slowly he inserted a finger which he must have lubed up with a wandless charm.

"Ooooh!"

The feeling of his finger in her arse was completely unexpected and she'd never have imagined it to be so… good. It was as if he lit a sparkler in there which made everything else a thousand times more intense, too. He started moving that finger in sync with the other ones buried in her pussy.

Her orgasm was so strong she saw stars, overtaking her almost without warning.

"Beautiful," he whispered as he slowly withdrew from her.

"Need you, now." She reached for him, using both arms and legs to pull him up along her body.

"Gods, yes," he groaned.

He made her come again almost as soon as he sheathed himself in her, and after that she just clung to him, accepting his furious pace as an expression of his own needs. Just as he was about to break he managed to affix his lips to her nipple which caused her to shatter again, losing coherency and her sense of self in him while he rode out his own orgasm.

She felt utterly content, now that he was with her again. Now everything was alright. Clutching one of his hands in hers she drifted off to sleep.

The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes the next morning was his eyes. He lay on his side, watching her. She scooted closer to him, wrapping herself around him, her head on his shoulder.

"Good morning, sweet."

"And to you. Did you sleep well?"

He nodded and kissed her forehead.

A thought struck her, something he still hadn't shared.

"How is your neck?"

He raised an eyebrow at her but slowly he raised his own wand towards the area and muttered an incantation. Red welts stood out angrily against his skin, almost up to his jawline. The whole area looked slightly inflamed, still, and several puncture wounds could be seen. He lay down on his back again.

"Why do you keep it hidden, still?"

"At first it was due to the lingering pain," he muttered with his eyes closed. "Then, partly, habit. A part of the venom still lingers."

Cautiously she reached out towards him and gently traced some of the wounds with a finger. He flinched but allowed her touch. The edges were raised and hard to the touch.

She kissed his jaw. "Could I review your notes? I know you're brilliant but sometimes a second pair of eyes help, you know."

He nodded slowly. "Yes… perhaps you have a different perspective from your time at St Mungo's."


	8. The Reluctance

**The Reluctance**

August snuck up on them without her really noticing. Ron had been rather distant since their trip to Shell Cottage. They'd met up once at Grimmauld once Harry and Ginny were back from their trip. She'd followed him upstairs out of a sense of duty but declined the offer to spend the night, claiming to want an early start at work the next day.

She started making regular trips to Hogwarts again, to work with Severus on the potions. Millicent finished her final parts of the Apprenticeship in the beginning of August, giving her a week off before she needed to return to start lesson planning. They'd gained approval to start with Severus' new books for years 1-3, and the Ministry was actually overseeing the contents of OWL and NEWT exams.

"I'm proud of you, Severus," Hermione had told him over breakfast when the owl came bearing the news. Outwardly he remained impassive but she had started to learn his tells, and could see he was actually rather excited about it.

He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Hrm, that remains to be seen. Perhaps this new curriculum will be a disaster leading to innumerable broken cauldrons, brats, and classrooms."

"Perhaps," she had agreed, before padding around the table to hug him from behind and pressing a kiss to his cheek. He relaxed against her, one of his hands clasping hers.

They had reviewed his scar healing salve notes, and a half misremembered comment by someone in Hermione's research group about an article led to a bit of a breakthrough. After more experimentation, the addition of mongoose saliva to the potion led to a final neutralisation of the lingering venom from Nagini and the inflammation could finally heal. The salve then make short work of the remaining welts and bumps, leaving him with some silvery marks.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Two weeks before term was about to start at Hogwarts, Harry and Ginny invited her over again to Grimmauld. Apparently Ron was busy with the twins, since he had decided to leave the Aurors and start working for his brothers at WWW. Hermione had been surprised when she heard it since he hadn't discussed it with her before going ahead with it, but then again, she hadn't seen him much. Ginny greeted her in the hallway and started chatting about all the things she'd bought for the household during their travels while they went to join the others in the drawing room. Kreacher had made pizza, and Harry and Neville were already seated. Hermione hugged both of them and settled on the couch next to Neville with a slice of pizza and a beer.

Neville had been busy all summer, travelling to various odd places to look for magical plants with Professor Sprout as part of his Apprenticeship. Hermione had secretly been relieved when she noticed his absence, as her numerous Hogwarts trips would have been more difficult to explain away to someone she knew well.

A while later, after more beer and pizza with more or less innovative toppings, Neville was fidgeting with his drink.

He took a deep breath. "I'm … there's someone I'm really interested in. I… just… don't laugh, okay? I'm not sure I can tell you or even if I should give it a try or not."

Harry pulled Ginny down in his lap. Hermione had to suppress a pang of jealousy over the simple action. Would she ever be able to do that?

"We promise not to laugh, why would we laugh at you for falling for someone?" Harry said, frowning. Ginny nodded in agreement.

Suddenly Neville seemed to grow in stature, becoming more like the one he'd been when he lopped off Nagini's head than the scared boy in Potions class. He looked directly at Harry. "Because I know what you think of people like her, and because she's not what you would call a catch."

Hermione began to feel as if she might know who it was. She couldn't quite hide her smile.

"Not a catch? Neville, as long as she's good for you I wouldn't care and it's not my business anyway," Harry protested.

"It's Millicent," Neville half whispered. "I'm just… I'm just afraid she'll turn me down." He looked down on the floor, shrinking in on himself again.

"Millicent? As in, Bulstrode? That Millicent? The Slytherin?" Harry asked, confused. He was obviously trying to control his reaction but luckily Neville didn't seem to notice. "Oh… alright, how come you've met?"

Neville looked up again. "She's at Hogwarts, didn't you know? I thought Hermione had told you, Millie said you'd met there."

Hermione nodded. She'd rather come to like her former yearmate after spending time in the labs together so often. Millicent didn't chatter unnecessarily, worked hard and seemed to enjoy teaching.

"When were you at Hogwarts?" Harry immediately wanted to know, turning towards Hermione.

"I've asked Professor Snape for some Potions advice related to my project, if you must know. Yes, I ran into her there. She seems to be doing alright? She started teaching now, didn't she?"

Neville lit up in a smile. "Yes, she's taking over teaching this year with some assistance from Professor Snape but she did really well when teaching some classes last year, all the kids like her and even Snape has commented that she hasn't sent too many kids yet to the hospital wing."

Even Harry smiled at that. "That must be Snape speak for she's pretty good. Not too many accidents in the classroom? Look, Nev, if she's the one who makes you happy then of course I'm happy for you. It was just a bit of a surprise."

Neville smiled then, obviously relieved. "Thanks, Harry. I haven't asked her out yet but was planning to for next weekend."

"Go for it!" Ginny commented, smiling. "Keep us updated!"

~o~o~o~o~o~

Luna came by unexpectedly a Sunday afternoon in September. They settled at the kitchen table with two large cups of tea and a pile of scones that she had brought along with some clotted cream and her homemade blackberry jam.

"Look, Hermione. You know what you have to do. You have to choose, and your heart has already chosen. If you don't act, if you continue like this, you will get hurt, and you will hurt both of them badly. Is that really what you want? I know it isn't."

"But… he still doesn't want a relationship," Hermione protested.

Luna sighed. "That doesn't matter. It's your choice to make, Hermione. You have to be brave and do it. The rest will follow, if it was meant to be."

"I'm afraid of losing everyone." She spoke quietly, looking down at her plate.

Luna was silent, watching her. Finally she spoke. "Being brave is doing something you are afraid of, because you know it is the right thing to do. If you're not afraid, it's not bravery. And if you choose to hide instead, you lose something of yourself."

Hermione had no reply to that. Yes, she knew what she had to do, it had been clear right from the start. But how could she? Hiding from the decision was easier, pretending that everything was fine even when she knew that wasn't true.

~o~o~o~o~o~

September came and went without much to show for it, and soon October was upon them with cooler temperatures, shorter days and the vibrant colours of autumn leaves. She had spent a few evenings at Grimmauld, but Ron was also a bit distracted although he did ask her to come to his bed when she was there.

Hermione was certain she was missing something obvious in her work project, but not even Severus had been able to figure out how to get it to work. She had landed on an improved potions formula which should work for some cases of memory loss, but not for the one she was designing it for. Frowning she knocked on Healer Trout's door.

"I've reviewed my latest calculations, but there must be an error somewhere that I haven't found? Look here, the emotion delta matrix doesn't resolve in the octagonal Riemann space with these imaginary Bessel parameters and this is the best potion I've managed to make."

He looked up from what appeared to be budget calculations and quickly shoved them aside so that she could put her notes down instead. "I see," he muttered. "I have to check a couple of the personality vectors, would you give me an hour or so?"

She nodded and left him to it, and returned to the lab to continue brewing her latest potions trial.

Healer Trout returned just before lunch, with her notes. He was frowning. "I'm sorry, Hermione. It simply doesn't seem possible, what you set out to do. On the other hand, your ideas hold promise for other patients on the Janus Thickey ward. I would like to arrange for a trial with at least one of them, to see if we can bring about any improvement. Maybe Gilderoy Lockhart would be a good candidate. I will check with Miriam and inform the research board so that they can review the details."

"Yes, Healer Trout," she said hollowly.

"How many times must I tell you, it's Desmond, dear? I understand you're disappointed, but this way we'll get the trials done so that you can get the papers in print before summer and defend your thesis on time. Take the rest of the day off, you need a change of scenery from this dull lab."

She would not cry at work. Disappointment was a bitter taste in her mouth, but she would not cry at work. Not trusting her voice, she nodded at Healer Trout and started cleaning up her work area. Luckily Lucy was out, so no one saw her when she fled her office, and Crookshanks was up for some cuddling when she finally made it back to her flat.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Harry sent a memo a few days later asking if she was free to meet up for lunch. He took her to a small restaurant just a short distance from the Leaky Cauldron, on the Muggle side. Apparently he had found it by accident and liked the fact that no one would recognise him there, leaving him to eat in peace. Still, he cast a discreet Muffliato when the waitress had delivered their food. They talked a bit about the Aurors and Harry's new promotion to a role with a bit more responsibility, and about the trip he had taken with Ginny that summer. Apparently he had really enjoyed Crete, but found Paris too hot during summer. Ginny had dragged him to all the shops, however, so he had spent most of the time sitting on a bench inside some fancy store or other while she was busy trying everything on. Granada had been more to his taste with the historical presence of the old fortress Alhambra and the vibrant night club scene where they'd apparently danced well into the morning.

Finally he looked at her properly, frowning. "You're so distant nowadays, Hermione. How are you, really?"

She tried to smile but it didn't work. "I won't make it, Harry."

"Make what? Your Apprenticeship? Don't worry about that, of course you'll pass."

She shook her head. "No, I won't find a way to cure my parents, it's not working! I won't ever get them back! It's as if everyone is conveniently forgetting why I'm doing this?"

He cast a Notice-me-not charm and pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I hope you can get them back. If anyone can, it will be you. Look, I don't know a thing about what you're actually doing, but you know I'm with you, right? If you need someone to, I don't know, hit something with a hammer or hold your hand while you do something difficult or just anything, I'll help. Alright? You'll always be my sister."

"Thanks, Harry," she whispered, letting the tears fall.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Hermione was not in a good mood despite it being Friday evening. Crookshanks had chased Iris around half the flat for some reason, toppling candles, books and overturning his food bowl. The bird seated herself on top of her kitchen lamp, causing it to sway precariously, and hooted at Hermione reproachfully. Her back and lower stomach hurt too which made her even grumpier as her period had come early. She was busy cleaning up spilled cat kibble when her fireplace flared to life with green flames, startling her. Was she expecting someone?

"What?" she snapped.

Severus Snape unfolded himself on her area rug and cleaned off the soot wandlessly. He stepped closer and frowned. "Should I leave? You did invite me."

Oh. She had, actually. They hadn't met for a few weeks but the upcoming weekend was free for both of them. How could she have forgotten?

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Severus. I'm just… nothing is working and I miss my parents and I won't get them back and my period came early and now you're here and I'm stressed out and everything hurts and now the weekend is ruined because of my stupid period and I don't know what to do."

"Witch, slow down," he said. He came closer still and wrapped his arms around her. Slowly she relaxed against his wiry frame, feeling the warmth of his embrace seep in through her cardigan. She could sense his heartbeat, strong and steady, and snuggled up closer, resting her cheek on his pectoral muscle and wrapping her own arms around his waist. Sanctuary. For once she felt as if she didn't have to solve all the world's problems herself, that there might be someone else on her team.

"First things first," he said after an indeterminate amount of time. His baritone voice rumbled against her cheek. "I presume you haven't eaten properly all day. What do you want for dinner?"

She pulled back slightly to look up at him. He always seemed so tall up close. "I don't know, do you mind Indian?"

His eyebrow rose slightly. "Indian? That would be acceptable. Is there a place nearby?"

She nodded and disentangled herself in order to walk over to the fridge where her favourite restaurant's menu was pinned with a magnet. Without hesitation he took the phone and the menu, and placed an order after asking what she preferred. It astonished her to see a wizard managing something as Muggle as a phone, but then she remembered he was actually a half-blood. _The Half-Blood Prince_ _…_ she'd almost forgotten about that.

"Where do you keep your household potions?" he asked after he'd finished the call.

"Bathroom cupboard, why?"

He disappeared into her bathroom. Disgruntled grumbling could be heard but she couldn't make out the words.

"Into the shower with you," he ordered briskly. "I'll pick up the food in about twenty minutes and before then I want you showered and dressed in something comfortable. I'll need to fetch a few things from Hogwarts and will return shortly."

She glared at his already retreating back — who was he to order her around? — but since that didn't have any effect it was easier to just go along with what he had told her to do. Before long there was a knock on her bathroom door, and he entered to deposit several vials of various potions in her cupboard.

"You know better than to use that swill you buy at the apothecaries, Granger," he grumbled while he pulled out old vials, discarding most of them. "Although obviously the ones from Septimius Solutions are of acceptable quality, you know you don't have to go buy them at the stores. Here." He handed her a vial and she swallowed it all down when she saw it was one of his anti-inflammatory painkillers.

Shortly thereafter they walked down together to the Indian restaurant since he hadn't been there before. She felt a lot better already after a hot shower and his painkiller potion, and being able to walk by his side, her hand tucked securely into the crook of his arm. Despite his longer legs they automatically fell into step with each other as they walked.

He didn't let her pay, again surprising her by pulling out a Muggle bank card to pay for their meal. After some nagging she was permitted to carry the rice and naan, and soon they were back in her flat. They settled on her couch to eat in front of the TV where _Time Team_ was on again, and so they spent their meal squabbling over Roman artefacts and the state of someone's back garden which the archaeologists had demolished. It felt oddly domestic, in a completely unexpected way.

"Thank you, Severus." She kissed him. "Will you stay tonight?"

"If you so wish," he murmured against her hair.

Hermione nodded in confirmation and went to get ready for the night, while he cleaned up the living room and kitchen.

She fell asleep in his arms, one of his large hands splayed over her lower abdomen. She hadn't felt as safe in a long time. Cherished, even. That evening hadn't been about lust and sex at all, only caring and comfort, and apparently that was just what she'd been missing.

The next morning she quickly padded off to the bathroom but decided to return to bed afterwards, snuggling into his warmth. He murmured something indistinctly and pulled her close, one arm under her neck and the other slung over her waist. She drifted off back to sleep again, content.

His erection poked her arse when she next woke up. She couldn't help rubbing against it, enjoying the feel of its hard insistence against her.

"Witch, desist your wiggling unless you have plans to take it further," came a sleepy grumble from behind her.

"Severus…" She tried to reach for his face but the angle was tricky. "What if I might? But I'm still on my period."

His hand crept up to cup her breast, causing heat to pool in her lower stomach. How could his slightest touch turn her on that quickly? Her musings were cut short when he started tweaking her nipple.

"I don't mind," he said, his voice husky.

"What, are you sure?" she said disbelievingly.

He raised an eyebrow. "It only matters what you think, if you actually want to. Come now, do you actually think a little blood would concern me? Between my profession and… my other experiences?"

"Oh. Of course." That did make sense. She twisted around to kiss him which coincidentally gave him much better access to her breasts and neck. "In that case, I do want you, Severus."

He hooked her leg over his thigh for better access. His free hand snaked around her waist down to her folds, wiggling a finger inside her before he sought her clit. He entered her slowly, causing both of them to groan. The slow pace felt liberating, somewhere between relaxing and exciting, but soon the steady rhythm and his fingers on her clit sent her soaring higher. She brought her hand up to his cheek which apparently caused her breast to come closer to his mouth. Somehow he managed to shift so that he could suck her nipple into his mouth.

"Oh!"

It didn't take her long to come. It wasn't as strong as she sometimes managed with him but still left her in a state of boneless bliss. She pulled his head over for a kiss, needing the connection. He nudged her over to lie on her stomach, still with his dick in her, and started chasing his own orgasm. She lifted her hips to meet him, the angle almost painful with his deep thrusts but she welcomed it. Shortly thereafter he groaned and collapsed on top of her.

A Tergeo sorted out the mess, and after a shower and another dose of the pain potion she felt better than in a long time. Feeling more energised, she pulled him out of bed and ordered him to shower as well while she got dressed and fed her animals.

"Witch, you are way too cheerful," he grumbled as she ordered him to get dressed.

"It's all your fault, Severus Snape. Now you'll just have to suffer through. Come on, I know just the place."

The early November air was damp and chilly. Luckily the cafe she had in mind wasn't far, and soon they were settled with a large pot of tea and breakfast in a corner, discussing the latest news from the Muggle world and the latest research articles they'd read. After their late breakfast Severus Apparated them to Canterbury of all places, where they spent the rest of the day strolling through the streets, looking at the old Roman remains and, on Hermione's insistence, checking out the local shops. They had dinner at a small restaurant there before Apparating back to Hermione's flat, where he again stayed with her overnight.

All in all, it turned out to be a rather decent weekend, until she brought up something that had been weighing on her mind lately when they were having breakfast the next day.

"Severus?"

"Hmm?"

He was reading the _Daily Prophet_ while Hermione had just finished toasting a few slices of bread.

"What are you planning for Christmas?

Hermione had very carefully avoided discussing anything like the future, what they should call their relationship, Weasleys, Harry Potter or anything else that came close. Still, being in that sort of limbo was starting to chafe a bit. She suspected the ball was in her court, to make a choice one way or the other, but she was afraid to lose what she had with Severus and also with her friends.

He grunted and looked at her over the top of the newspaper. "Same as every year, I suspect. Nothing much, in other words."

She cleared her throat. "I'm invited to the Burrow again."

"I see."

She could almost see him withdrawing from her, shutting her off along with his emotions.

"Severus…"

"What?"

"I'd much rather be with you…"

He shook his head. "Let's not continue that line of discussion for now. You know my stance and yours is evident."

She bowed her head to hide her confusion. It was true, she would much rather stay with him. But then what would she tell her friends? She was expected to visit the Burrow, with Harry and Ginny… and Ron. Severus had been clear that he wasn't seeking a relationship, and she was still not ready to give up all the Weasleys.

After a rather tense morning, he took his leave early. At the door he turned towards her, reaching a hand for her face. His thumb stroked her cheek.

"Witch, you are always on my mind," he murmured and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

She flung her arms around his waist and reached for a kiss, wanting to show him what he meant to her even if she couldn't say it, could hardly admit it even to herself.

~o~o~o~o~o~

The rest of November and December were mainly lost in a haze of article writing, much like the year prior. At least Severus was there to keep her sane. They'd managed to meet up regularly during autumn. Hermione didn't go to Hogwarts when term was in session but since Millicent had taken over most of the teaching already, Severus had more time over the weekends to come see her. He had a designated toothbrush in the bathroom cupboard and a towel on a hanger.

The Lockhart trial had been, in some ways, a complete success. He had regained his memory and would be able to leave the ward after another few months' worth of rehabilitation. Hermione still felt slightly guilty over it, though. As an amnesiac, Gilderoy Lockhart had seemed completely happy with his life. He signed scraps of papers that the staff brought him, thought everything was excellent and could have the same conversation with the same person for as long as it took for the other participant to excuse themselves and run away to hide.

And now, after the potion had been administered according to the treatment protocol Hermione had calculated, he had not only gained his memories back but also, somehow, a conscience. He knew what he'd done to further his career, and the sheer weight of his newfound conscience made him quite depressed. Healer Miriam Strout who was responsible for his care wasn't concerned, however, and dismissed Hermione's concerns.

"Hermione, his previous actions are not on you," she'd said firmly. "He needs to come to terms with this, and then hopefully do something good with the knowledge. Who knows, maybe he'll actually apologise? Launch a new career? It's his life, not yours."

"But still… It's my fault that he's unhappy now. It's not as if he could consent to the treatment."

Healer Strout crossed her arms. "You're not thinking straight. This way, he can live out the next hundred years of his life atoning for his choices, or launching something new. Without you, he had nothing, he _was_ nothing. Besides, he _should_ feel bad about what he did in that earlier life. No, dear, stop worrying right now. You did very well."

Hermione smiled and managed to almost mean it. "If you say so."

~o~o~o~o~o~

Christmas arrived in a flurry of last-minute activities, as usual. Hermione Apparated to the Burrow and trudged up to the door from the gate. It seemed most of the others had already arrived. Fred and George caught her in their usual dual greeting as soon as she entered.

"Do you remember the charms we discussed last spring?" George asked.

She had to think for a moment, last spring? Yes… oh that's right, their rather innovative pleasure line and the privacy charms.

"They were excellent, our profits are through the roof," Fred said.

"Thanks to you!"

Hermione tried to protest, but as usual there was no point with the twins.

Fred continued. "We've patented the combination with you as a contributor, and someone who actually reads that horribly boring patent notification paper invited us to speak at that conference next year. The one you were at? SNORT?"

She sighed and mock glared at both of them. "It's HICCUP, Fred."

"Sorry to hear that, Hermione. You need a glass of water?" George pulled a glass out of his ear with a flourish, like the old-school Muggle magicians, and filled it with water using Aguamenti.

The Christmas dinner was nice, as usual. The food was excellent, the Weasleys kept the spirits high, Harry was happy, and she managed to avoid Mrs Weasley by choosing to sit near Bill and Fleur. They relocated to the living room to hand out presents and soon chaos and wrapping paper held everyone's attention. Harry and Ginny had bought presents for everyone during their summer trip and so Hermione got a Greek brooch against Dark Magic and a book from Spain on old Moorish spells. Bill and Fleur got her a book, and Ron gave her a surprisingly decent necklace.

As expected, she did get a few passive aggressive gifts from Mrs Weasley, a charmed laundry hamper which told you in great detail how dirty your clothes were and precisely how long it had been since you last did laundry, and a book titled _The Essential House-witch_ with household charms and loads of helpful advice for how to run a household and satisfy a husband.

The twins gave her a black box, and their twin smirks made her suspect what it contained. Still, it appeared as if they'd managed to take their privacy charms a step further as the others appeared to see only a pile of books and quickly lost interest. A quick peek later confirmed that they'd sent her a Daydream Charm and a vibrating egg-shaped device that had her blush deeply once she figured it out.

After gifts were sorted everyone settled down, drinking mulled cider, Firewhisky or something else, eating pralines and comparing presents. Hermione was sitting with Ron on the couch, his arm slung over her shoulders. After a while she excused herself, claiming to need the bathroom but then also fetching her coat to go out the kitchen door again. She sat on the stairs, trying to breathe. The air was chilly, the sky overcast so no stars could be seen.

Fleur joined her outside some time later, bundled up in a beautiful lavender fur coat.

"Too much noise?" the older witch asked sympathetically. "I think so too sometimes, compared to the 'olidays I was used to in France."

"Yes, how is your family?"

Fleur smiled, a bit sadly if Hermione was any judge. "Gabrielle is in Paris now. She wants to do an Apprenticeship in Charms, I think. Maman and Papa are busy tending to my Grand-Mère on Papa's side."

"I miss my family," Hermione confessed. "My holidays growing up were much more like yours, I was an only child and my parents didn't have many relatives either. The Weasleys… don't get me wrong, they're lovely but there are just so many of them."

Fleur laughed but then Victoire called for her from inside. "I know what you mean. I 'ave to go back in, but remember, 'Ermione, you 'ave to choose what the 'eart tells you to. Otherwise everyone will be un'appy in the end."

That sounded a bit too much like what Luna was telling her.

She stayed out a while longer. Her breath misted in the chilly air but at least it was quiet.

An owl came soaring in on silent wings. A rather large on, which as it came closer she recognised as Muninn. She quickly rose to meet him a bit further from the kitchen entrance, in the shadow of an old apple tree. The bird lit down on a fencepost and held out a leg with a small parcel tied to it.

"Thank you," she whispered to the bird. "I've already sent Iris to him, I hope she arrived properly. I'm sorry I don't have any treats for you, I didn't expect you here."

Muninn hooted as if in reassurance. She watched him fly back North before she opened the small parcel. It contained a set of golden earrings, with diamonds and emeralds set in a teardrop style. They weren't too ostentatious, and she could easily see herself wearing them with the green robes she'd had at the Prague conference dinner. She could feel the whisper of an enchantment on them even as she held them in her hand, some kind of protection probably.

Later, the house quieted down. Bill and Fleur left rather early with Victoire, to Mrs Weasley's mutterings about keeping her grandchild away from her. Percy and Audrey chose to leave at the same time, and Harry and Ginny left late in the evening, preferring their own bed to Ginny's old twin bed. The Twins stayed overnight, however, saying they didn't want to bother with cooking the next day, and Hermione was secretly grateful for having them as a buffer between her and the other Weasleys.

She gave in to Ron that night, after heavily Warding his room, but chose to sleep in Ginny's old bedroom.

~o~o~o~o~o~

To her chagrin she realised there was no way she could avoid celebrating New Years at Grimmauld Place. Ginny and Harry had invited almost everyone they knew, and the house was full to bursting with people. Loud music was playing on almost every floor, Harry had stocked up on beer, wine, cider, Firewhisky, Muggle liquor and some things she didn't recognise, and Ginny and Kreacher had prepared lots of finger food on trays scattered around the house.

She felt out of place. Not in the mood to party with the others, too sober, too alone even in a crowd. Ron was in the kitchen last she saw him, laughing with Lavender, the twins and Parvati. Harry and Ginny were making out in a corner. She wandered the house like a ghost, evading friends and acquaintances when they tried to get her to join them.

Suddenly she just couldn't stand it any longer. Panic set in at the sight of people everywhere. It was just fifteen minutes to midnight, and she couldn't bear the thought to be at Grimmauld to celebrate the new year when she wanted to be somewhere else, with someone else. She quickly grabbed her coat and slipped out into the chilly night.

As soon as she made it out of the house she sent off a Patronus, only afterwards realising that she should have checked for Muggles. Luckily no one was nearby, and so she quickly Apparated away.

She waited by the gates to Hogwarts, feeling slightly foolish. A Tempus showed that it was ten to midnight, and the Scottish night was frosty and unusually clear. What if he didn't come?

A sharp crack broke the stillness. He appeared only a little distance from her. She had thought he was at Hogwarts, but here he was clad in fine dress robes, a champagne flute still in hand.

"Hermione." He raised an eyebrow at her. "You called me in such a hurry, I thought something had happened."

She bit her lip, suddenly terribly unsure. "Severus… I'm sorry, I just… I missed you."

Finally his stance softened. He took the remaining few steps to her and stroked her cheek with his thumb. "Witch, I'd always come to you if you but ask."

Relief surged through her and she pulled his head down for a kiss, claiming his mouth as if she could devour him. He tasted of champagne and fancy food, and there was a faint whiff of women's perfume around him. Was he…?

"Where were you, Severus? I thought you were at Hogwarts?"

His eyebrow again. "No, witch. I was at Malfoy Manor for their annual New Year's Ball. A rather tedious event but at least the champagne is good." He raised the flute to her. "Here, try some."

She took a sip from his glass. It was truly excellent, much better than what Harry had bought for the Grimmauld party. Still, he tasted even better. She took another sip and pulled him down again for a kiss, sharing some of the champagne with him, the fizzy bubbles bursting on her tongue as she wound it around his.

A loud cheer emanated from Hogwarts, and fireworks could be seen over Hogsmeade. "Happy new year, Severus."

"And to you, Hermione. Happy new year." He rested his forehead against hers and pulled her even closer, tucking her under his robes.

She just stood there, close, breathing him in. Slowly her tension ebbed away, replaced by contentment. This, this was where she wanted to be. Well, perhaps not literally, out in the cold woods outside the gates to Hogwarts, but with him, anywhere he chose to go.

He heaved a sigh. "I must leave, Hermione, or they'll start wondering. I'd rather not they send out the hounds."

She kissed him again, lightly. "What about this weekend?"

A bit of light had returned to his eyes. "That works. What do you think of Chinese?"

"Perfect." She smiled at him, and he inclined his head towards her before spinning away in an Apparition.

Returning to the boisterous party was slightly easier, her heart lighter than before.

"Hermione! Where were you? Happy new year!" Ginny squealed and pressed another beer in her hand.

"Oh… I found a book and lost track of time," she improvised.

Ginny merely laughed and hugged her.


	9. The Mess

**A/N:** Ahem. Check the chapter title. Fasten your seatbelts, we are expecting some turbulence…

/AA

 **-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

 **The Mess**

The new year brought more of the same. Her paper on the Lockhart trial was accepted for publication in _Potions in Medicine_ after some revisions. She met up with Severus a few times when he had the time, but something was subtly different about their interactions ever since Christmas. He seemed more distant, closed off. The sex was still good but something subtle was missing, and she didn't quite know what, only that she missed it.

The success with the trial on Lockhart gave her another invitation to speak at HICCUP which was to be held in Geneva that year. Healer Trout was elated but she couldn't muster much enthusiasm, neither over the subject nor the conference, knowing that her true goal would never be realised. The outcome of the trial still made her feel guilty as Lockhart was still at St Mungo's, now with a deep depression from realising the truth of who he had been. Also, Severus wouldn't be there. He said he was too busy with his books and other research, wanting to publish the final few books in the series before he left Hogwarts and needing to double-, triple- and quadruple-check the recipes before sending the manuscripts off for printing. Perhaps him being absent would be good, however, since Fred was coming to the conference as well. She didn't expect to spend much time with him while at the conference, but he would certainly have been able to figure out a thing or two if he had seen her with Severus. Marit was coming too, but the other two Norwegian witches were already busy in new jobs.

~o~o~o~o~o~

With only just over a week until the conference Hermione was frazzled. Too much to do, too little time, and she was certain she was forgetting something important. Thus, she was not at all in the mood when Lucy announced that she was to stop working at five o'clock already that Friday.

"Are you mad, Lucinda? I have tonnes to do!"

Just at that moment the Floo in their office flared to life, and Ginny stepped out. "All ready?" she asked Lucy.

"Yup, she's ready," Lucy said with a grin.

Hermione barely had time to fetch her bag before Ginny practically pulled her along through the Floo. "Grimmauld Place!"

"What the… You practically kidnapped me!" She dusted herself off and glared at the redhead. Lucy had followed as well.

Harry came up to hug her. "Calm down, sis, it was for a good cause. We have tickets to a Muggle musical so we need to wrangle these two Purebloods into not making a fool of themselves. We're seeing _Les Miserables_ tonight!"

A smile broke out on her face. "Harry, are you for real? You got tickets to a musical? For us?"

Harry grinned. "Yes, I've never been, you kept talking about going to the musicals and theatres and whatnot with your parents, and these two obviously have never seen one! Come on, let's get ready. We have a dinner reservation first."

The night was, in the other sense of the world, magical. Ginny was observant enough not to need too much wrangling in the Muggle world, as long as Hermione kept explaining all the technology they ran into. Harry was, thankfully, shepherding Ron, and Lucy knew how to manage in the Muggle world. Hermione explained the plot during their dinner, and both Weasleys promised to be quiet during the show and not to draw their wands on anyone. Hermione sat next to Lucy, which she was grateful for as it allowed her to lose herself in the performance.

"I didn't know Muggles had that much magic," Ginny told her as they left the theatre. "That was awesome."

"I know!" Ron said. "And then all that smoke and the lights? Made me think someone was shooting hexes but it was all fake, wasn't it?"

Harry, too, had enjoyed the show. "This was great, thanks for the idea Hermione!"

"Thank you so much," Hermione told Harry and hugged him tight.

They all returned to Grimmauld Place and spent the rest of the evening chatting, laughing and discussing the play while eating Muggle crisps and other snacks that Harry had bought to go with it all.

It was a near perfect evening, all in all. Ron wasn't too handsy either, to Hermione's relief, and he didn't even ask her to join him in bed. Instead, she hugged all of them good-bye at around the same time as Lucy left, and returned to her own flat for the night.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Lucy and Hermione sat in the tiny staff room at St Mungo's, eating a sandwich each for lunch. Hermione was due to leave for the conference the next day but finally thought she had most things under control, her speech was written and her overnight bag was packed.

"You know Friends with benefits, right? There ought to be a word for that but reversed. Like, Boyfriend without bedroom access? BWBA?" Hermione said, out of the blue. She was thinking about the last weekend at Grimmauld. It had felt like a return to the past, being able to relax with friends.

Lucy looked at her oddly. "Hermione, that's called Friend, remember?"

Realisation dawned. Both of them burst out laughing, in Hermione's case tinged with desperation and embarrassment.

~o~o~o~o~o~

The conference and the trip was a completely different experience, this time. Hermione had chosen to arrive the morning of the first day of the conference this time. She got up early to catch a Portkey to Geneva from the Ministry, made it through the checks and controls after arrival, and activated the short-range Portkey that all attendees had received upon registering. The Portkey dumped her in an enclosed courtyard belonging to the hotel where the conference was held, seemingly a small, dilapidated old building in the old quarters of Geneva with strong Muggle-Repelling wards on the outside. Once inside, the Wizarding part became more obvious, with floating chandeliers, marble statues that changed poses, and an opulent décor with dark wood panels and Baroque-style furniture and drapes. The overall impression was dark and slightly over the top, she thought, especially compared to the light lavishness of the _Alchymist_ in Prague. She was already dressed in sensible business robes, and so she merely checked in, got the key to her room, which wasn't half as nice as in Prague, deposited her bags and went down to attend the sessions.

Marit found her at lunch, when she was already deep in discussion with someone from Portugal who wanted to discuss her latest article and seemed to have misunderstood almost everything about it. Hermione was glad for the distraction when the Norwegian witch joined in and took up arguing on her behalf. For some reason, she felt rather detached from it all. The two witches went out for dinner in Geneva, finding a small Muggle restaurant not too far from the hotel. She excused herself early afterwards, citing a headache and that she needed to prepare for her talk. Fred would arrive the next morning since his talk was in the afternoon.

Her own talk was in the morning on the second day. The early hour would mean that the audience would mainly consist of those that were actually interested in the topic, but she was in one of the larger rooms this time. After a quick breakfast of tea and toast, it was time.

She got through her talk mostly on autopilot. Fred was there, she'd seen him waving at her from the back, and she thought she saw Millicent in the crowd. To her surprise, the room was almost completely full, despite the early hour. She'd been given a full half hour rather than the standard fifteen minutes, too, and when she ended for questions lots of people were clamouring to be heard, requiring the moderators to intervene.

Hermione saw Millicent again at lunch when the other witch joined them at the table, and Hermione quickly introduced her to both Fred and Marit. Millicent wasn't presenting anything but she was grateful for the chance to see what was going on, and Hermione didn't mind introducing her as Hogwarts' new Potions Professor to the various people she saw. Millicent kept giving her odd looks, however, and Hermione was a bit unsettled by it, quite certain they had nothing to do with her talk.

Her thoughts were confirmed when Millicent asked to talk to her once they'd finished lunch. They found a secluded corner in the courtyard with two benches, securing it with a Muffliato.

"What is it?" Hermione asked.

Millicent frowned and looked rather uncomfortable. She took a deep breath and began. "I just wanted to say… to tell you to be careful with him. I know what's been going on between you and that's none of my business. He's changed a whole lot since the war but this past year has been different. He's… he's seemed happy, almost. Don't hurt him, okay? You could do a lot of damage if you treat him badly."

Hermione closed her eyes and sighed. Yet another one who _knew_. Still, there was no point in denying it. "I don't want to hurt him, Millicent."

"It's just… I think he's used to being cast away, you know? Never being someone's first choice, always being used and cast aside as soon as something better comes along. Don't do that to him, okay?"

"I'll… I know. I won't treat him like that. I care for him, too much in fact." Hermione couldn't stop a blush from rising. She hadn't permitted herself to think of what Severus Snape meant to her, not properly.

"Then perhaps you should let him know that."

Hermione sighed and nodded. "What was it like doing an Apprenticeship for him?"

Millicent smiled. "At first it was tough, you know. Although Horace had approved of me as a Potions Apprentice I still had to prove that it wasn't a mistake to take me on. We argued lots, but gradually he came to accept me and it became easier when he saw I wasn't a complete dunderhead. Then when I started teaching some classes and he saw I could handle it and that the kids even liked me, it was as if he finally understood the point of having me there."

Hermione laughed. "I could imagine. How are things with Neville?"

Millicent smiled. "Oh, we're good, it's great in fact. He's such a sweetheart. I heard you're starting the trial soon on his parents? That's… I understand it must be difficult for you."

"Thanks, yes it's not as easy as everyone would think, what if things go wrong? I'd never be able to look him in the eyes again."

Millicent nodded and Hermione felt relieved at her understanding the difficulties. They walked off together to the next session which was on Amazonian poisons and their use for neurological healing.

Fred's talk was held in the biggest room as the conclusion to a session on Charms. Of course, he had set it up with lots of practical demonstrations, almost like a show. Unsuspecting victims were pulled from the audience, so Hermione had strategically chosen a spot near the back with Marit and Millicent. Everyone seemed to love it, however, both his products and the talk. He demonstrated the way they'd set up the monitoring charms to check for various physical reactions, and everyone laughed when the preferences of an unsuspecting member of the conference organising committee became visible in a cloud above his head. Marit whispered to her that the wizard was a bit of a creep, and that he'd been involved in some suspicious financial activities surrounding the conference funding. Fred then moved on to show a few products, not the racier ones but a few of the more advanced charms they sold. When the talk ended, Hermione was sure Fred and George would be able to expand the WWW emporium to several other European cities, and he was already taking owl orders with a Quick-Quotes Quill.

The conference gala dinner was nice and featured some indoor-safe WWW fireworks, and she danced with Fred, some wizards she'd met earlier and others she didn't know. The next day had more talks, some on rather interesting topics although nothing related to her work.

It was a relief when she was finally able to go home, checking out already on Saturday evening instead of staying another night. She snuggled on the couch instead, watching silly television shows with Crookshanks on her lap and Iris adding her commentary from where she was perched on the backrest of the couch next to her.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Some time before she left for Geneva, Neville had asked her if she thought she could try the treatment she had trialled on Lockhart also on his parents. She'd told him to talk to Healer Strout who was medically responsible for their care. Healer Strout had immediately agreed and went to talk to Healer Trout, who also thought it was an excellent idea. The idea made her even more nervous than the Lockhart trial. What if it went wrong? Neville had tried to assure her that he would never hold her responsible, but she was still uneasy about the idea. Still, Healer Trout thought she should try, and so she started setting up the Arithmancy calculations for them, to see if it might work at all given their special type of brain damage and what the dosage or other adjustments should be. After all, Obliviations and extensive Cruciatus exposure didn't exactly target the brain in the same way.

As soon as she made it back from Geneva she threw herself back into the calculations, checking and double-checking the variables. If the treatment was to be used for different patients it would be nearly useless if it wasn't robust enough to handle a variation of patients, but for this one she wanted to have a very detailed baseline to start from and then cross-checking various simplifications. She started with Frank and put in everything she could find in his medical journals, anything from his age, length and weight to his hair colour, shoe size, food preferences and his Hogwarts House. She even considered asking Augusta Longbottom for an interview, but refrained when she realised that the stakes would be even higher if the old witch knew what Hermione was planning. To her surprise, the equations seemed to balance. The results wouldn't be perfect, not after so long, and the potion needed another modification due to the Cruciatus and torture, but it seemed he would be able to get some of his mind back.

Alice Longbottom yielded similar results when she started calculating her odds, which also frightened her. There was no way to know exactly how the mind would react to the changes brought on by Hermione's charms and potions. Still, she brought her results to a meeting with Healer Trout and Healer Strout, giggling slightly at their similar names when she sent out the meeting request via the internal aeroplane memos. She also asked Severus to take a look at her proposed changes to the potion, just to cover all her bases. The Healers agreed to her ideas, told her that they would set up the actual administration of the charms and potions — _"we need to make sure the process is robust enough to be managed by people other than you"_ — but she was also sure they wanted to shield her somewhat from the responsibility of the trial in case there were any issues. Not that she minded, she was grateful for their thoughtfulness. The trial would also be reviewed and overseen by a member from the hospital's research board since neither of the patients were able to actually consent to participating.

She didn't see much of Lucy since the other witch was busy with her own research, spending a lot of time at the Spell Damage ward, and Hermione had to start brewing again in the labs. At least Severus had reviewed her proposed changes, made a few minor adjustments and approved the ideas. Having his support gave her courage. After a month or so, the potion was complete and she handed the whole lot over to Healer Strout who would set up the actual administration some time after Easter.

~o~o~o~o~o~

She saw Severus the weekend after Geneva. Millicent's words kept ringing in her head, and she knew the other witch was right. She knew what to do. After all, it had been clear from the start. But why was it so hard? She didn't want to hurt anyone and surely Ron would be devastated if they broke up. She'd be cast out from the Weasley family gatherings, she'd have no one left. Harry would side with Ginny and Ron, certainly. Still, she couldn't pretend anymore. She wanted to be his, for real, no matter if he wanted a relationship or not. She wanted to walk hand-in-hand with him through Diagon Alley, kiss him in public, let her friends know they were seeing each other.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Hermione hadn't visited the Weasley clan since Christmas, out of guilt and confusion. Harry and Ginny had asked her to come to Grimmauld a few times since her return from Geneva but she claimed there was too much to do with the Longbottom trials, which they accepted even if they seemed to think she was obsessing unnecessarily over the risks. March was mainly spent in a haze of calculations and potions brewing, checking and re-checking her work.

As if on cue, her Floo flared to life a Thursday evening in early April and soon Ron's head poked through the fire, his red hair muted by the green flames.

"Can't you stay over tonight? You know, for some… you know? It's been ages, 'Mione!"

She suppressed the twinge of guilt mixed with annoyance and revulsion. It hadn't been that long for her, after all. She'd lost track of when they last slept together, was it at the Burrow for Christmas? No, it might have been some time in January at Grimmauld.

"Sorry, Ron, my period just came in," she said instead which had him back off instantly. That too annoyed her especially since it was true. Immature boys, they didn't have to live with the blood and the mess and the pain, why couldn't they at least act sympathetic?

"Will you come to the Burrow the weekend after next, anyway? It's the Easter weekend, we're having lunch on Friday since Bill and Fleur are going to France for the holidays."

She bit her lip as she thought about it. It would be nice to see the others again, after all. "Alright," she conceded.

~o~o~o~o~o~

That's how she found herself Apparating to that familiar spot just outside the Burrow at lunchtime on Good Friday. Already she could hear the whole confusion of Weasleys gathered, laughing, talking, shouting. Why were there so many of them? And where were they? She couldn't see anyone. A hush fell over the house as she called out a simple Hello from the hallway.

And there was Ron, emerging from the kitchen. He looked anxious, for some reason. She could hear hushed whispers around the corner, were they all hiding? What was going on?

And then he was falling to one knee in front of her and he held up a box with something sparkly and likely inherited from a Prewett somewhere and he was saying things she couldn't make out against the roar of blood in her ears as her world imploded. Her field of vision narrowed down to nothing as if she was about to faint. — _"Hermione, be mine" — "marry me" — "I have a good job now, you don't have to work" — "Mum has the wedding all planned out" — "we're meant to be together, I found a house here in Ottery St Catchpole" —_

" _NO!_ "

And just like that, she fled. Ran out of the house, turned on the spot and Disapparated. She ended up in her flat and Warded it tighter than their tent during the hellacious camping trip during the war, but it soon felt too stifling to stay there so instead she put on a coat and walked out into London.

She didn't return until late at night. Already a few owls were pecking on her window, seeking entrance. There was no point in punishing them for their owners' stupidity, so she reluctantly let them in, dumped the letters in a pile and summarily dismissed them all. One of the letters was red. Of course. Luckily she knew a trick or two about dealing with Howlers these days. She tore it open which caused Molly Weasley's shrill voice to fill her flat with the expected insults — _Harlot, how dare you, lead my Ronniekins on, like a daughter, everything we did for you_ — before she could cast a Silencing charm around it followed by a Bombarda to blow it up in a thousand little pieces that quickly burned themselves out.

She cried herself to sleep that night, but not before sending off Iris to Hogwarts. The other letters lay unread where she'd dumped them.

~o~o~o~o~o~

He arrived the next day. She didn't want to talk about it, instead she flung herself in his arms, wanting to hide from everyone and everything but him. He didn't ask, instead he kissed her deeply, drinking her in, meeting her frenzy with equal passion. She Banished his frock coat and boots and practically tore off his shirt, but not before he managed to divest her of her top and jeans.

Somehow he managed to get her into the bedroom and toppled her onto the bed while kissing her. How could she ever have doubted? No matter what, he was her choice. She kissed his neck and flung her arms around him, breathing in his scent. His black hair hid her from the world while he did something wandlessly again, leaving her naked. His hands started to travel down her body while she managed to get him out of his trousers, taking his boxers down at the same time. She wound her legs around his thighs, forcing him up to her, his cock prodding the inside of her thigh.

"Need you, Severus," she told him while she tried to wiggle into position.

At last he complied, shifting his weight onto one elbow. In a swift motion he buried himself inside her, making her gasp. "Is this what you want, witch?"

"Yes! More! Oh gods."

He kissed her again, deeply, before picking up the pace, slamming his hips into hers. She clung to his shoulders as her orgasm built rapidly, and almost saw stars as she exploded around him. He grunted but kept the pace steady, clearly not done with her. When she had recovered a little he shifted his weight, hooked one of her legs over his shoulder and started moving again. The new angle allowed him to go even deeper and she could do nothing but hold on to his arms and moan. Before long he had her on the verge of another orgasm. He reached down and kissed her again which pushed her over the edge, causing her to moan into his mouth. He stiffened and grimaced as he followed her.

Afterwards she lay snuggled tight against him, her head on his pectoral muscle, her hand on his stomach while the other arm was tucked between them. She'd slung a leg over his thigh and simply enjoyed the closeness, the connection.

"Severus?"

"Yes?" His long fingers drew lazy circles on her shoulder.

"Ron proposed…"

He practically bolted from the bed and snatched his clothes, getting dressed in record time.

"Wait, where are you going? Severus!"

"This, Miss Granger, has been nothing but a mistake which I intend to rectify immediately. I have no intention to sleep with another man's wife."

She reached for him, trying to get him to stop for a moment, to listen to him. He slunk out of her grasp.

"But Severus…"

He was buttoning his coat. His dark eyes held none of the warmth she usually saw in them.

"Goodbye, Miss Granger."

And just like that he was gone, from her flat, her life.


	10. The Misery

**The Misery**

The rest of the Easter weekend was spent in a daze. She wasn't invited to the Burrow anyway after splitting up with Ron so it wasn't as if she was expected anywhere. She stayed in bed. There was no point in getting up, after all. How could it all have gone so wrong? She cried until she didn't have any tears left, and then cried some more. It didn't help. She tried to send Iris off to Hogwarts with an explanation but the bird returned the next day, the letter still attached to her leg. She'd always assumed that the phrase "die of a broken heart" was a euphemism but the pain from missing Severus was so bad she thought her heart would literally burst, and she almost welcomed it.

The mere thought of food made her nauseous so for a while she mainly subsisted on dry toast and some crackers Ginny or Luna had left in her cupboard during one of their girl's nights. Only her two animal companions forced her to rise occasionally, to feed and care for them. Crookshanks tried to get her to rise from the bed but in the end the half-Kneazle had to settle for purring and cuddles. She didn't even call in to work and refused to acknowledge Healer Trout's messages. He tried to Floo call her a few times but she didn't let it through.

~o~o~o~o~o~

A week after everything came crashing down her wards were broken by a trio of witches. Luna, Ginny and Lucy burst in through the door after having spent a solid half hour battling her wards. Ginny was the first to enter her bedroom.

"This isn't like you, Hermione. You can't be that upset over Ron? Come on girl, time to get up."

"It's just too much, Ginny," Hermione tried. "My parents…"

Luna took one sharp look at her. "Ginny, we need to feed her first. Hermione, let's get you into the shower for a bit. I'll clean up here, Lucy can you check the kitchen?"

"Right on it."

Hermione was ushered into the bathroom by a very determined Ginny. The younger witch took a look at the state of her bathroom and pulled out her wand. With a few muttered spells the entire bathroom was clean and smelled of pine needles, with fresh towels and a few candles on the sink for good measure.

"You have one of those Muggle washer-uppers, don't you?" Ginny asked briskly. "Well, I think Lucy knows how they work. Will you be alright in here or do you want me to wash your hair for you?"

"No, I'll be alright," Hermione said feebly. It felt as if she was caught in a hurricane. A Ginny-shaped, angrily glowering redhead hurricane.

Her friend had her hands on her hips and looked her over. "Right, clothes off, they need a wash. Seriously, girl, you're a mess! Why didn't you come to us earlier? Don't lock the door or I'll use Bombarda on it."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Okay, Mrs Weasley!"

Ginny huffed, took Hermione's clothes and left her to it. Hermione walked a bit unsteadily to the shower, oddly relieved at their intervention. The hot water took some of her aches away, along with sweat and grime and dried-up tears.

When she finally emerged from the bathroom, clad in her purple bath robe and with her hair wrapped in a towel, her friends had cleaned up the rest of her tiny flat including the space for her animals. They had opened the windows wide to let fresh air in, Luna dispersed various incense burners that made the whole flat smell of flowers, Lucy had apparently managed to buy groceries and Ginny was organising brunch. The washing machine was humming in the corner.

They settled down to eat. Hermione didn't feel very hungry but her stomach grumbled nonetheless. Still, some of the food made her a bit nauseous, such as the bacon and sausages, and the scrambled eggs. She grabbed a piece of toast and some fruit to start with.

Ginny was the first to speak. "Come on, Hermione. It's not over Ron is it? I promise, I was completely livid once I heard what they were planning but they went through with it anyway. I can't believe Harry refused to listen to me over this! I told him it was a lousy idea. Look, Bill and Fleur asked me to tell you that they hope you'll go see them soon, and the twins just said it was about time you ditched Ron. They did say something about it being a pity they'd have to rename the store, however. Do you know what that was about?"

Hermione nodded vaguely. "No it's not that, or not only that. Look, Ginny, I appreciate it but I don't want to talk about it now, OK? Thanks for coming through anyway. I'll try harder."

Luna looked at her a bit too intensely but soon started talking about the latest news in the _Quibbler._ After a while, and some food, Hermione found she could breathe a bit easier. Still, the intense pain in her chest returned as soon as the trio left for the evening. How could he — how could she live without him? She simply couldn't, but how would she be able to reach him to explain?

~o~o~o~o~o~

She dragged herself to work but hid from everyone. The Longbottom trial was scheduled for the following week. Lucy tried to talk to her but she only gave one-word answers, and she even hid from Healer Trout when he came by to see her. She didn't manage to actually do anything, however, and mainly spent her time doodling on a piece of parchment or staring into the flames of her fireplace.

Harry showed up the next day, rather unexpectedly. He pulled a hand through his ever-messy hair. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I thought you were…"

"I don't want to talk about it," she snapped.

"Right. I'm still sorry. I should never have pushed Ron. Look, there's another Victory Ball coming up. I really hope you'll come, Hermione. Not with Ron of course." He handed her a Ministry envelope with her name, containing another formal invitation for the next Ministry Ball which was to be held already the next weekend. She glanced at the elaborate letters but couldn't find any enthusiasm whatsoever about going.

"I'm really not in a party mood, Harry."

"Yeah, I get it, but please, Hermione?"

She sighed. She could never quite say no to Harry, and so somehow he had made her promise to show up even if only for fifteen minutes.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Still, for others, life went on.

"Are you going to the Victory Ball, Hermione?" Lucy asked.

Hermione groaned. "I don't want to but Harry and the others are basically forcing me to go."

"I'd love to go but I'm not invited," Lucy said wistfully. "Not that I should be invited or anything, it's just that it sounds so exciting."

Hermione thought a little. "Do you want to go with me, then? I don't have a date."

Lucy grinned. "Are you asking me out, Hermione Granger? I'll have you know that I have a boyfriend and all that. But yes that sounds great, I'd love to go with you!"

"Good, we could ask Luna if she's going with someone, perhaps she could invite Marcel?"

Lucy smiled. "That would be awesome, I'll check with her. Thanks, Hermione."

~o~o~o~o~o~

Hermione really didn't want to go to the stupid Ministry Ball, but none of what she wanted mattered anymore and so she found herself getting ready in her flat with Lucy and Luna who had agreed to bring Marcel. Luna wore a set of light blue robes in a gauzy fabric made up of many different layers, making her appear almost ethereal, while Lucy had champagne-coloured robes with a more structured cut. Hermione pulled on a set of deep blue robes, put her hair up and reluctantly allowed Lucy to do her makeup. Realisation set in, the robes were the ones she'd worn to the dinner with Severus in Prague, but it was too late to change.

Much like the year prior, the Ball was held at a mansion belonging to an old Wizarding family, she thought it was a branch of the Selwyn family this time. All of them clutched their Portkeys and soon they were off, Marcel having joined them once everyone was ready. There was a security point right by the entrance where their invitations were scanned and their wands registered, and after that Lucy and Marcel were free to mingle as they wished. Hermione chose to stay back a bit and found a quiet corner with a round bar table. She didn't want a drink but sipped a glass of champagne, mostly for show. She saw Harry and Ginny dancing, and waved at them from her table. Ron was apparently there with Lavender, not that she cared much about him.

There were way too many photographers for her taste. The ballroom was beautiful, of course, gold and glass and floating lights reflected a thousand different ways.

Kingsley Shacklebolt sauntered over to her corner and she plastered on a smile. He looked stunning in robes that seemed to change colour as he moved, from deep blue to green to purple, adorned with gems and runes.

"Hermione. How are you?" He kissed her on the cheek. "You look splendid tonight, dear."

"Fine, thanks, and you?"

"Fine, fine. I heard of your trials at St Mungo's? Gilderoy Lockhart seems like a completely new wizard now."

She sighed. "Kingsley, if you don't mind, I'd rather not think about Lockhart tonight."

He chuckled but complied, and instead started talking about the latest Ministry reforms he wanted to introduce. To her surprise she found herself vaguely interested in what he had to say.

"May I have this dance?" Kingsley held out a hand to her, and led her in a waltz before they returned to their drinks.

Luna came up to them after dancing with Marcel. She looked straight at Kingsley with that special Luna gaze and smiled. "Minister. I think you want to dance with me."

Their eyes locked. The sparks were almost visible. Finally Kingsley smiled, a slow lazy smile.

"I believe you're right, Miss Lovegood, is it?"

She nodded. "It's Luna, as you well know."

He inclined his head. "Kingsley. May I have this dance?"

"Of course, Kingsley."

Kingsley held out his hand to Luna and led her out on the floor, never taking his eyes off her. The band struck up a waltz.

Hermione looked out over the dance floor, watching all the couples twirling and floating by as the band played. Harry and Ginny were dancing, as were Neville and Millicent, and plenty of prominent witches and wizards who wanted to be seen on the winning side after the end of the ugly war.

And there _he_ was all of a sudden, dancing with an impossibly beautiful witch, blonde and tall like a Muggle photo model. He held the witch close as he led her around the dance floor, Hermione could almost feel his hands on her back instead. She couldn't stop looking, and of course he noticed. His face was a blank impassive mask when his gaze slid past her. Suddenly she felt ridiculous. He had never committed to her, never as much as hinted that he wanted to dance with her in public aside from the Prague conference. Still, she could almost hear her heart breaking, again.

Millicent and Neville made a surprisingly striking couple on the dance floor, until they noticed her and stopped by her table. Millicent smiled faintly at her but Hermione had to fight to hold back tears. Neville merely looked confused and asked why she was all by herself in the corner. She didn't answer.

"Neville, would you be able to… I don't know, make some noise here in a little while? I really, _really_ need to get out of here without being noticed."

Millicent raised her eyebrows minutely and nodded. Apparently she understood perfectly well why. Well, Hermione could be grateful for Slytherin guile when it worked in her favour.

"Um… sure?" He sounded nervous. "Ten minutes from now."

She sighed in relief. "Thanks a million, Nev."

"Anytime, you know that Hermione?" His posture was more certain now.

True to his word, after ten minutes Neville dropped on one knee right in the middle of the ballroom in front of his date and pulled out a small jewellery box. All the cameras and most of the attention turned to the couple, so Hermione could sneak out the back and Apparate home.

The next morning the knife cut even deeper when she saw the paper. There he was, on the front page of the _Daily Prophet_ , arm in arm with that stunning blonde witch. He dipped his head down to hers as if to kiss her and she looked up at him with a smile. They looked awfully comfortable together, and the headline confirmed what the sinking feeling in her stomach already had told her. _Britain_ _'s Most Elusive Bachelor Now Taken_ , the headline confirmed. Of course they were also in more pictures inside the paper, of them dancing at the ball, their elegant steps repeated endlessly in the picture.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Nothing was fun anymore, nothing mattered. It was as if all the colours had gone out of the world. The pain in her chest where Severus should be ached all day long although it was worst in the evenings. She cried herself to sleep and stopped eating again, not caring about anything. She did make it to work occasionally purely on autopilot but didn't get anything written, she merely sat staring at the walls, drifting off into daydreams where he hadn't left her. She tried, occasionally, to put up the mask for her friends, but usually couldn't find the energy to bother. For some reason she could stand Luna best, and occasionally Lucy in the office. Harry and Ginny were too much effort, with their guilt and their unspoken questions and her anger at them for setting her up at the Burrow, and other friends were too distant. She was always so tired, a bone-deep weariness, and some days she barely managed to feed Crooks and Iris before crashing into bed after work.

The Longbottom trial, as it had been called, would be carried out over two days the week after the Ball to allow for monitoring of the patients. Hermione sat in a corner of the room the first day, nervously nibbling a quill and observing as Healer Strout administered the potion to Frank Longbottom and cast the charms Hermione had designed. Although Neville had begged to be included, Healer Strout had adamantly refused to have him there, stating that this was still a medical procedure and not a show. Hermione was grateful for his absence, it would have been even worse had he been there. Frank Longbottom was seated in a chair, looking out over the ward. At first nothing seemed to be happening until all of a sudden the man gasped and started screaming. No words could be heard, just his incoherent wailing. Healer Strout quickly administered a strong Calming Draught. Slowly the wizard calmed down to the Healer's slow even voice telling him who he was, and where.

"I'm… I'm not in the dungeons?" was the first thing Frank Longbottom asked, his voice hoarse from disuse but not dissimilar to Neville's.

"No, you're at St Mungo's, we've been taking care of you."

Frank started sobbing.

Hermione snuck out of the room, not able to take it anymore. Apparently the trial had worked, to some degree. The rest would be up to Healer Strout's team, and to the man's own mental strength, whatever was left of it after such a long time.

~o~o~o~o~o~

The month of May dragged its feet. Time seemed to crawl by. Early summer hit London with blossoming flowers, sunshine and colours, but Hermione felt stuck in a grey bubble of misery, unable to participate. She showed up at work, some days, but didn't do much other than to shuffle papers from one side of the desk to the other. Apparently Frank Longbottom was plagued by severe nightmares but at least he now understood who, and when, he was. They hadn't yet been able to ask Alice anything, she just screamed incoherently when brought out of medical stasis.

Towards the end of the month something gradually worked its way to her conscious mind. Where was her period? She'd been feeling off lately, the past month at least, but had dismissed that as simple anxiety after Severus ran out of her life. Still, she hadn't exactly eaten like she should, and stress did cause periods to get all wonky.

Once the thought had arisen she couldn't get it to go away, however, and so she snuck down to the local Boots pharmacy one early Saturday morning and bought three tests, just in case, along with some snacks and Muggle magazines. For some reason she trusted Muggle tech more than charms in this case, and since she didn't know the incantation anyway she'd have to go to someone else for that, which would invite questions she didn't want.

Still, she was extremely nervous when she went to the bathroom and unwrapped the test, frowning at the instructions and trying not to make a mess of herself.

Oh gods. It can't be. Surely not.

But there it was, a bright blue plus sign on the test display.

Pregnant.

Shit.

Thinking back, she recalled running out of contraceptive potion some time back. She'd just been about to write a note to Severus when another owl had knocked on the window with a note from Luna, and after that she must have simply forgotten.

Luna… maybe Luna could help her sort out her thoughts? Almost frantically she threw Floo powder in the hearth and called her friend's name.

"Luna, are you in?" she asked through the Floo. "I'm sorry to disturb you, I just need to talk to someone, you know?"

"Oh, sure, come on through Hermione," her blonde friend answered. "We were just getting up."

The last sentence was almost drowned out by the chaotic journey through the Floo, had Luna just said _we_?

She tumbled out of the fireplace onto Luna's colourful rug, still clutching the test. Her friend was wearing a pink fluffy bathrobe with unicorns frolicking around the lower hem.

Luna took a long look at her. "Oh, Hermione. I'm so sorry."

Suddenly she was caught in a hug and it was as if the dam burst, letting all the emotions loose. "I'm so scared, I can't do this alone!" She cried and cried, snotty messy tears all over Luna's fluffy bathrobe.

"You're not alone, not in this. Not ever."

Somehow she was manoeuvred to the wooden kitchen couch and given a whole box of tissue paper.

"Yes but there will be a _baby_ , Luna! And probably with black hair and a big nose and then all the rest of the Weasleys and Harry will abandon me too! I want my mummy!"

The tears kept coming. She didn't have the strength to stop them.

Luna sat next to her, stroking her hair. "Shh, it will be alright, you will see. It will be hard, very hard, but it will be alright in the end."

Slowly Hermione allowed herself to believe it. "Are you… are you sure?"

Luna nodded. "I know it." She looked solemn and serious, and Hermione desperately wanted to believe her.

"But how…?"

Luna didn't answer and instead got up to put on a kettle for tea, that ubiquitous British solution to all the world's problems. Hermione fell silent, allowing Luna's calm presence to wash over her as the blonde witch puttered about in her kitchen, humming as she dug around for cups and tea in her cupboards.

After a while, a cup of tea was placed in front of Hermione who cautiously sniffed it before taking a sip. Luna often brewed tea using rather creative ingredients, so one never quite knew what to expect. This appeared to be regular plain black tea, however, with just the right amount of milk and a dash of honey. Luna seated herself across the table from Hermione.

"You know you have to tell him. He deserves as much."

"I know," Hermione said glumly. "But how? He's already moved on, you saw him at the Ministry Ball! They were all over the _Prophet!_ And I can't go up to Hogwarts and make a scene, he's refused to accept all messages I've tried to send him and I don't want Minerva and all the students involved."

Luna nodded and took a sip from her cup.

"Well if you don't want to go see him at Hogwarts you just have to visit him at home after the end of term, it's only a few weeks away anyway. Do you have his address?"

That question made her frown. Actually, no she didn't. It simply hadn't come up. He was at Hogwarts, after all, or they'd met at her flat, and she'd never thought to ask where he lived otherwise.

The wispy blonde witch rose to hunt down a scrap of parchment, scribbled something on it and sent it off to Hermione who quickly caught it. Someone walked past the open kitchen door, on the way to the bathroom. Hermione only got a glimpse of something dark and colourful, with no clue as to who it might have been. Still, whoever it was was clearly male and Hermione suddenly felt quite uncomfortable over intruding.

"I'm sorry Luna, you have company, I'll leave."

"Don't worry, it's only Kingsley," her young friend answered with a smile.

Hermione put her mug down with a thump, causing a minor teavalanche to spill over the edge. "Did you… did you say Kingsley? As in Shacklebolt?"

Luna shrugged and smiled her very special Luna smile. "That would be the one."

"Oh, well, congratulations." She blinked, trying to make sense of what she'd just heard. "How long have you been seeing each other?"

"Since the Ministry ball. He's good to have around, all the Nargles seem to have disappeared and the Blibbering Humdingers are much more quiet."

"Well, you seem to … fit, I mean, personality wise," Hermione commented.

Luna smiled in a way that made her look years older. "Oh yes, he fits very well."

"Luna!" That brought a smile out, despite the shock and general confusion.

Kingsley chose that moment to enter the room. He nodded at Hermione, kissed Luna's cheek and poured a cup of tea for himself.

"Thanks but I'll leave anyway, congratulations again, to both of you," Hermione said with a nervous smile at Kingsley who merely smirked at her and pulled his Luna closer.


	11. The Courage

**A/N:** I'm going to go against my principles and put up a pregnancy-related Trigger Warning for the second half of this chapter but I don't want to spoil too much so… proceed with caution? Read with one eye open? It's the latter half of the chapter, I'll put up an explanation as end note which you may want to check before reading the rest. The part has a sub-chapter heading which should make it clear when it starts.

/AA

 **-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

 **The Courage**

Now that she knew, the pregnancy was always on her mind. She never considered any other options but to keep it, but of course the risk of miscarriage was high in the first few months. She bought all the books she could find on magical and Muggle pregnancies and tried to calculate her due date which apparently would be right in the beginning of January. It seemed that she should register with St Mungo's Maternity ward, too. She was a bit reluctant to do it given that she knew several Healers from work but when she finally managed to register after a few weeks she found them efficient and quite sensible, with good privacy protocols in place. The first visit didn't tell her much she didn't know, but they confirmed the pregnancy, gave her a bunch of leaflets with information, and told her to come back towards the end of the month to monitor her own nutritional levels. At least it explained why she was so tired all the time, and why she simply couldn't stomach certain food. Her sense of smell was heightened too which was problematic in crowds since sweaty armpits and too much perfume occasionally triggered her nausea, and she didn't even want to think about sausages, eggs, or anything spicy.

She didn't even try to do anything at work, she was too scattered to focus. Instead of just constantly missing Severus her mind now seemed split into two parts, one part missing Severus and one obsessing about a baby. What if it would be a boy? A son with bushy hair and too large front teeth? Or a girl with black stringy hair and a big nose? She'd always liked his nose, anyway. It gave his profile character. But still, a baby, she knew nothing of babies and now her biggest and easiest source of baby information was cut off since she really didn't want to talk to Mrs Weasley ever again if she could help it. Maybe Ginny knew some? But she didn't want to talk to others yet, it was too early, she'd have to come clean about it not being Ron's.

Work, or whatever it could be called, was also a concern. She was supposed to graduate in August but currently she was so far off track it wasn't funny. But if she delayed for too long she'd be huge as a whale and probably equally uncomfortable, and that also made it all difficult. At any rate she had some savings she could use for some time before she'd need to figure out how to get an income.

Right at the beginning of July she had another appointment with the Mediwitch, an older witch called Madam Whyte with greying hair in a messy bun and a kind smile. She was around twelve weeks along by her own calculations, which were confirmed by Madam Whyte.

"Do you want to know what it is?"

Hermione merely nodded. Perhaps that would make it all easier. Madam Whyte cast another spell which slowly settled over her stomach. Soon, a bright light appeared as if from her lower stomach, first a neutral white and then slowly shifting to pink.

The Mediwitch nodded. "Yes, a girl then, and just the one. Congratulations, dear."

"Thank you," Hermione whispered, completely in awe. It was real. She had a piece of Severus Snape in her stomach, and it was a girl.

~o~o~o~o~o~

She knew what she had to do but had no idea how to find the courage to do it. Luna had given her his address. How come she had it, anyway? Millicent had confirmed that he had left Hogwarts once term was over, so there was no point in going there to check. Still, the results from the last Mediwitch visit gave her the courage to seek him out. She had to tell him, he had the right to know and to decide if he wanted to be a part of it.

The following Saturday morning she decided there was no more point in waiting. He was probably at home. Since she'd never visited before and thus couldn't Apparate directly there she had to improvise a bit, and so she Apparated to Manchester, took a train to Cokeworth and a cab to Spinner's End where she paid the driver and got out, cautiously. The travel had taken a while and so it was mid-morning by the time she arrived.

The street was dirty and run-down, with a row of formerly-red brick terraced houses on either side. Most of them appeared to be horribly behind in upkeep, with debris collected in the small front gardens, windows missing some panes, and the front gates were askew or missing.

Apparently Severus lived in the house right at the end. Although his house appeared as run-down as the others there was a watchful feeling to it, as if not all was as it seemed on the surface. Cautiously she approached it, feeling the hum of his wards as she passed through the gate and approached the front door. After taking a deep breath she finally knocked on the door.

To her chagrin, the blonde woman opened. She looked as put-together as during the ball, and completely out of place in the neighbourhood.

"Yes?" she said coolly.

"Is Mr Snape… Severus home?" Hermione asked nervously.

The woman looked her over, clearly not at all impressed, before answering. "A moment." She pushed the door half closed and stepped inside to call for him and before long he appeared in the doorway. He took in her appearance and quietly told his companion to step inside and wait for him. He wore slacks and a white cotton shirt with the sleeves rolled up, his black hair dishevelled and his lips appeared flushed from kissing. Her heart felt too big for her chest, was it about to break? Someone else was doing that to him. He… he was doing that to someone else.

"Spit it out, Miss Granger, so that you may remove yourself from my doorstep." He looked down at her from the door opening, arms crossed.

So, he wanted to make this as awkward as possible, did he? Fine. "I'm pregnant."

He merely stared at her for a long moment, his blank mask solidly in place, and then raised an impeccable eyebrow. "My congratulations to Mr Weasley, then. Was that all?"

Her stomach sank. "No, wait, I —"

"Severus?" the woman called from inside his home. He turned his head to look over his shoulder but didn't answer.

"Goodbye, Miss Granger," he said quietly and shut the door in her face.

~o~o~o~o~o~

 **The Horror**

Somehow another week passed. She skipped work, again, not able to muster the energy for it, and didn't answer any letters or Floo calls from her friends. She woke up late the next Sunday and got up to make a cup of tea. Luckily the worst of the morning sickness had passed but she still felt rather nauseous at the thought of food and she'd woken up with a cramping stomach.

Gradually the cramping became worse and when she next went to the bathroom she saw blood in her knickers. Bright red, and not just spots. Was she…?

"No, no no no…" she moaned.

She stripped off her clothes and stumbled into the shower. The hot spray of water helped a little with the pain but she soon curled up in a ball at the bottom of the tub, sobbing as the blood ran down the drain.

She had no idea how long she stayed there. The pain started coming on stronger, pulsing through her in waves. It all felt hopeless. She'd lost all of them, the Weasleys, Severus, her work, her parents, and now this new little life would never come to pass. Everything hurt but the pain in her heart felt worse than the pain in her stomach.

Vaguely she registered some noise at her door. Could it be the landlord? She couldn't think of anyone else that might show up and the wards would keep all of them out anyway. Another contraction hit causing her world to shrink again, shutting out all external noise.

"Granger?" a deep male voice suddenly called.

Where was her wand? If there were intruders in her flat she should defend herself, right? Before she managed to kick her brain back into gear someone burst into the bathroom and as another contraction hit she vaguely registered a swath of black.

"It hurts," she whimpered when the wave of pain receded. She looked up at the last person she'd expected to see there, the only person she'd wanted to see, the one who didn't want her. "Severus, I'm losing our daughter."

His breath hitched. A large, warm hand was placed on her shoulder, his thumb rubbing the back of her neck. "Our… daughter?"

She nodded and curled up tighter in a ball. "I tried to tell you, Severus. I tried. And now it's too late and I've lost you and it's all my fault she's gone."

"You're…"

The rest of what he was trying to say was drowned out in a wave of pain, causing her to wail. A potion was thrust in front of her and she drank it down without questioning it. It tasted like a general painkiller and didn't really seem to help at all.

"How… how far are you?"

"Fourteen weeks today, I thought the risk for miscarriage would go down then? I had cramps all day and then the bleeding started. I don't want to lose her, Severus! She's all I have left of… of you."

She could see him making the mental math but another contraction hit, causing her to cry out in pain.

"Breathe, Hermione. Nice and slow. Don't fight it. It's already happened, you can't stop it. There's nothing you can do, just breathe."

"It hurts and I'm so scared," she whimpered.

"I won't leave you."

She wanted desperately to believe him but didn't know if she dared. He cast a warming charm on the tub and asked her to lie down on her side, facing him. He whispered another charm and put his large hands over the small of her back, bending over the tub in a position which must have been rather uncomfortable. The heat felt wonderful, but before long she asked for one of his hands to hold on to as she rode out the contractions, something to anchor her.

"Imagine you're seaweed in the sea, near a beach," he began, his voice deep and slow. "Picture the seaweed. The sun is shining through the water, there are fish of all colours swimming around you, and the ocean waves keep you swaying. You can't stop the sea, can you? The only thing you can do is to relax and follow along when a big wave hits."

The rather silly mental image distracted her, at least. Slowly she managed to relax a little against his hands. She had lost her sense of time altogether. She clung to his hand and let his voice anchor her. Silent tears kept falling, she didn't have the energy to bother wiping them away. Pain surged through her in waves, each contraction taking her — their — daughter further from her. Pressure started building, causing her stomach muscles to contract as if to empty her stomach.

After an indeterminate amount of time, it was finally over. She felt completely shattered, broken and lost, yet his presence was like a tiny glimmer of hope that there might be a future, one day.

Severus cleared his throat. "I can put… her… at Hogwarts, if you wish. There is a good spot by the old oak next to Greenhouse Five."

She nodded, grateful, and he quietly Transfigured a piece of tissue paper into a box, and sorted out the mess in the tub.

He pulled her up into a seated position and handed her the shower head before digging around in her potions cupboard for a Blood-Replenishing potion, another dose of painkiller and a Calming Draught. The hot water felt calming as it ran over her neck, her back, her breasts and stomach. Numbly she accepted the vials he gave her, not even bothering to look at them.

"You were out of contraceptive potion?"

"I ran out and completely forgot, I got distracted," she admitted.

He studied her with a critical eye. "I will make some Floo calls. Don't get up without assistance."

She merely nodded in reply and tried to focus on the hot water running over her body, mixed with her tears and the blood.

From nowhere Luna arrived, how did she get there? She was coaxed into fresh clothes and led back to bed.

She must have drifted off, but she thought she'd heard her front door closing. Luna came in with some soup and talked in great detail about her next excursion to find the Crumple-Horned Snorkack.

 **-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

 **A/N:** As a summary, Hermione suffered a late miscarriage. Severus came by completely unexpectedly and helped her through it.


	12. The Truth

**The Truth**

The next morning she still felt like she'd been run over by a lorry, or whatever the Wizarding equivalent would be. A herd of Abraxans, perhaps. Luna stayed for breakfast until she had to leave for work. Hermione had some tea and a piece of toast, and even had the energy to make a Floo call with both Lucy and Healer Trout, asking them for forgiveness for her absences and that she'd had a medical emergency and would stay at home for a few days. She retreated back to bed, dozing away most of the day. Luna had left her some sandwiches but she didn't feel like bothering to eat.

The doorbell rang later in the afternoon. To her surprise, Severus was back. She backed up, flustered, and he let himself in. He took off his shoes, outer robes and frock coat by the door, leaving him looking painfully familiar in a white shirt and black slacks, his usual attire when visiting her.

"Um, hi?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "How are you today?"

"Better, I think. Still bleeding a bit." She settled on the couch, out of his way, tucking her feet under her.

"I brought some more potions for you." He started digging through the pockets of the frock coat, handed her a Blood-Replenishing potion and deposited the rest in the bathroom. "Do you need another dose of the painkiller now?"

"No, I'm okay."

He brought one out anyway. "That's Hermione-speak for yes it hurts but I won't acknowledge it. Here, take this."

She complied. He got that right, as usual. A feeling of warm relaxation spread through her body once she'd downed the potion. "Why did you come here yesterday?"

He joined her on the couch but kept a sizable distance between them. His long legs were stretched out before him, crossed at the ankles, and he was tracing his lower lip with the pad of his thumb. She ached for his touch but kept her hands folded in her lap to stop herself from reaching for him.

"Luna contacted me yesterday morning. She'd apparently been contacted by Ginevra Potter who had been alerted by Miss Wellington that you'd once again failed to show up to work all week and no one had heard from you in a long while, and no one could get through your wards. She also said she had a feeling you needed me urgently. Luna then told me I needed to talk to you to get the whole picture before jumping to conclusions. She also claimed the Wrackspurts made both of us confused and that our auras were misaligned."

Hermione snorted, that sounded so quintessentially Luna. Still, it had worked. He had come. He was here, and apparently willing to listen.

"I'm so sorry, Severus. For everything, really."

He nodded but didn't respond, didn't look at her. She took a deep breath.

"When I tried to tell you about Ron I never got the chance to say that I turned him down. It was awful, he invited me to the Burrow for lunch and then ambushed me with a proposal while everyone else was hiding behind the door. I ran, there was no way I could stay."

That eyebrow of his hitched up again as his gaze finally sought her eyes. "Yet you had led him on to the point where he thought you'd marry him."

Hermione blushed. She didn't quite understand it herself, even. What had she been thinking? "At that point I hadn't … been _together_ … with him for about three months and barely saw him outside of Grimmauld, when I went to visit Harry. We haven't really spent time together since last summer when we visited Bill and Fleur. I just didn't have the courage to break up with him properly but when he proposed of course I had to turn him down. And then when I tried to explain it to you, you just ran and shut me out. I completely freaked out when I discovered I was pregnant, I know what the Wizarding world thinks of single mothers, it's worse than the Victorians."

Severus had closed his eyes, frowning. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I too haven't been forthright with whatever's been going on between us."

He fell silent. She didn't know what to say but before long her stomach growled audibly, making her blush. His eyes snapped open and he smirked at her.

"I fully concur with your stomach. Do you have anything edible here or shall I go fetch something? Nevermind, I know the answer. Is Indian alright with you?"

She tried to draw herself up taller and glared at him, which of course had no effect whatsoever, especially as she was still in a simple t-shirt and pyjama trousers. "Garlic Naan, then, and some tikka masala or palak paneer, something mild."

"I hear and obey," he intoned as he rose from the couch.

He left the flat, apparently preferring to order in person rather than calling. Hermione felt totally confused by his actions, his presence, but nonetheless she was grateful to have him there, that he had arrived when he did yesterday. Some time later he was back and together they set the kitchen table, eating in silence. Somehow she managed to actually eat almost half her portion and a few pieces of his spicy lamb dish, surprised at herself for having an appetite since nothing had tasted good in such a long time. They cleaned up the kitchen together, working efficiently in tandem as if nothing had happened to break their companionship. It felt both right and utterly sad, to think that she'd had all this and lost it. She put on the kettle for some tea and soon they were settled on the couch again with a hot cup each. She knew his preferences, after all. Milk, one sugar.

There was something she just had to ask. "Severus? Why did you leave that day?"

He froze again before he seemed to will himself to relax, exhaling sharply but not looking at her.

"I realised how foolish I had been, Hermione. I thought I didn't need anyone in my life, that an occasional bedpartner was good enough. I thought I was fine with waiting for you to call upon me once or twice a month, meeting in secret, merely keeping it physical. I thought I was alright with you and Weasley Jr being together, officially speaking. When you mentioned that he had proposed it all came crashing down and I couldn't bear the thought of you in his arms. I assumed I had lost you already, so I left."

She sighed. "What a mess, Severus. Part of the reason why I couldn't bring myself to cut Ron off was because I was certain you didn't want anything more than an occasional shag and I couldn't stand the thought of being alone. I thought I'd lose everyone if I let him down and they were all assuming I'd marry him. I know I messed up, I'm sorry, it was completely unfair to all of us."

He nodded. "At least you're honest with yourself now."

Something else needed to be asked, although she feared the answer. "What about yourself, then? Who is that blonde witch?"

He grimaced but eyed her steadily. "Claudette Millefeuille is a distant cousin of Lucius', in the French branch of the Malfoy tree. Narcissa introduced us in yet another attempt at playing matchmaker and I found little reason to reject her offer after my last visit here."

She swallowed heavily. "I'm… I hope you're happy, then."

"I don't love her, Hermione."

Somehow that statement caused hope to blossom in her chest. Did he…? She bit her lip in an attempt to stop herself from blurting out too much at once which would undoubtedly scare him off, again.

He shifted his gaze to the fireplace. "I haven't seen her since the day you showed up on my doorstep."

"I'm sorry, Severus, I didn't mean to get in the way of your…"

He shook his head. "No matter. It was a business agreement, mainly. I realised I couldn't do that to her, or to myself."

They lapsed into silence for a while, each of them lost in thought. At least some of the heaviness had dissipated.

Another thought struck her. She had to take a deep breath to voice it, however. "Would you… would you have accepted our daughter?"

He looked up sharply, frowning. "Yes, if you had managed to make me understand that your child was… was mine too, I would have done all that was in my power to keep her safe and secure. I too must beg for forgiveness, Hermione, I should have listened to what you had to say. I'm a stubborn bastard who assumes too much, I'm sorry."

She heaved a sigh of relief. Tears were threatening to fall but she blinked them away. "Thank you, Severus."

"I never thought I'd have a child." He was looking straight ahead but his eyes were unfocused. "I always assumed that I'd never have the opportunity, and that if I did I'd be a lousy father anyway."

"I happen to believe you'd be an excellent father, if you wanted to, Severus Snape."

He snorted but refrained from commenting.

A yawn overtook her. To her surprise it was rather late already. Apparently he had noticed too since he rose from the couch.

"Will you stay tonight? Just to sleep?"

He shook his head. "No, I need to think and I think you do, too. I don't wish for us to immediately fall back into the same pattern again."

She rose too, stepping slightly closer to him. "But…"

"Witch, you know this. We'll meet again later if you are amenable."

"May I write you?" she whispered, trying to blink away the tears that threatened to fall.

His eyes softened slightly. "You may, Hermione." He wiped away the tears that had escaped with his thumb. "I'll call upon Luna again and ask her to check up on you. She's an odd one but she's strong when it matters. Can you imagine the essays I've had to correct over the years?"

That thought made her giggle. "How come you're friends with her? You call her Luna and she knew where you live?"

He shrugged. "When she was with Longbottom and regularly visited Hogwarts she often sat next to me during meals in the Great Hall. I didn't have much choice but to talk to her or she would carry on whole conversations doing both sides herself. She has a way to get straight to the matter and she's more perceptive than she appears. She also brought me some ingredients from her travels, and one year that happened to be during summertime so she got my address."

"I'm glad she did," Hermione said.

He nodded and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "As am I. Until later, Hermione. Be sure to remember to eat and take care of yourself. Finish the thesis. Write me."

She nodded and watched him leave, but some of the weight had lifted from her chest.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Luna dragged her out the next morning for a check at St Mungo's maternity ward. The Mediwitch was kind and compassionate, but couldn't do much other than to confirm what she already knew. At least it seemed there were no complications.

The Mediwitch sighed and patted Hermione's hand as she finished the examination. "It happens way too often in our world, dear. I don't know why Muggles have it easier but our birth rates are not as high as they should be, given that many people marry young. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this from happening, so please don't go around thinking it was your fault. I hope you will understand that, one day."

"Thanks," she whispered as another wave of tears surged. It still felt surreal, somehow.

Luna took her out to lunch afterwards before she had to be off to work for a bit. Hermione promised to start looking after herself better, and started by buying fresh groceries and cleaning up her pets' area. She still had some of the Indian food left from the day before which she could eat for dinner. Afterwards she curled up on the couch and flipped on the TV. Crookshanks came padding up to her and made himself comfortable in her lap. She felt alright, but Crooks protested when tears started dripping into his ears, and she noticed her cheeks were wet.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Luna brought Lucy along for a chat the next Friday afternoon. Hermione had protested, saying she didn't want company, but Luna had calmly ignored all the protests and simply pulled Lucy along through the Floo, armed with Chinese takeaway. Lucy talked about anything and everything apart from work and relationships, apparently determined to keep the silence from growing too heavy.

Luna's words from earlier kept echoing through her mind. _"It is time, Hermione. You need to talk to your friends and others who care about you. They will understand more than you think."_ Since not listening to Luna was what had gotten her into this mess, perhaps it was time to be sensible and do what the blonde witch told her to.

As a first step, coming clean to Lucy was rather simple. Once they'd cleared away the dishes, Hermione took a deep breath. "I had a miscarriage. It wasn't Ron's."

"Oh no, I'm so sorry," Lucy said. "How do you feel now?"

Hermione had to think a little. "Pretty raw, to be honest. I'm not sure. And… you're not going to say anything about it not being Ron's?"

Lucy shrugged. "Not my circus, not my monkeys. Besides I think you weren't very well suited to each other, the little I saw of you together. Hug?"

"Thanks, Lucy." Soon she was wrapped in a tight hug that said more than words could.

They settled in front of the TV with some snacks, although Luna as usual claimed to be watching invisible creatures in the background rather than the silly shows they ended up watching.

Once the two witches had left Hermione thought about what Luna had said. Maybe it was time. Yes. Still, she needed to get herself a bit more in order before talking to Harry, Ginny and others she was supposedly close to. After talking it through with Crooks and Iris, who offered their own commentary to her questions, the next step became clearer. She snatched a piece of parchment from her research pile and soon sent Iris off to Shell Cottage asking if she could visit as she needed to tell them something.

~o~o~o~o~o~

A few days later Hermione was invited to Shell Cottage, timed so that Victoire would be napping during their talk. The July afternoon was beautiful, the sun shining strongly and only a few wispy clouds chasing each other across the sky. Bill and Fleur greeted her as warmly as usual and guided her out to Fleur's lilac arbour behind the cottage, somewhat sheltered from the sea. Fleur brought out some lemonade and her homemade and most excellent éclairs, to Hermione's chagrin. She couldn't stomach anything before they had talked, and she expected to be thrown out quickly afterwards anyway.

"What is it? I can see that something 'as 'appened?" Fleur asked, frowning.

Bill settled next to his wife. There was nothing to do, other than just… getting it done.

She took a deep breath. "I just had a miscarriage… and it wasn't Ron's. I'm sorry." She couldn't look at them, certain they would be furious with her.

To her utter confusion and surprise Fleur immediately moved to sit next to her instead, and put her arm across Hermione's shoulders. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I should 'ave guessed. You don't 'ave to apologise to us for that, you know."

Bill nodded. "I'm sorry too, Hermione. You and Ron were never a good match, anyway. What about the father, then?"

"He knows… we're not exactly together but he knows about this, now." Silent tears were wetting her cheeks again, and Bill dug out a slightly tattered handkerchief for her.

Fleur was still rubbing her shoulders. "I 'ad two miscarriages before Victoire and so far one after. It's rough, I know it is. Take your time."

"Thanks," Hermione whispered. She relaxed slightly, grateful for their reactions. "I thought I was safe, I'd just made it to fourteen weeks. A girl, it would have been a girl."

Fleur winced in sympathy and nodded. "That's late, it must have been difficult. You were planning to keep 'er, then?"

"Yes… Yes, I was. I know the Wizarding world looks down on unwed mothers but I couldn't not have, you know, even if it would have been difficult."

Fleur passed her the éclairs again, and they talked a bit about other things for a while. Victoire, their work at Gringotts, the garden.

"Why don't you stay here for a few days? You're more than welcome to, if you want," Bill said suddenly. "We're off work for the rest of the month, more or less, but we're not going anywhere."

"You sure… could I do that?" Suddenly that sounded like an awesome idea, to stay for a while with the two unassuming Weasleys and their little chatterbox of a daughter.

"Of course!" Fleur said with a smile. "There's plenty of room 'ere."

When the charmed baby monitor alarm beeped to let the parents know that Victoire had woken up, Hermione rose too and went back to her flat to pack some things for a few days. She let Iris out with instructions on where to find her, and brought Crookshanks along despite his protests over magical travel.

The sun and the sea helped. She took long walks alone, or with Fleur, with Bill or with all of them, barefoot along the beach or inland. They showed her a few secret spots along the coast, kept her fed and occupied, and let her talk. The days blended into each other and soon she'd been there a full week.

They also talked about research and homesickness and missing parents and how to cope with loss, or what it had been like for them. Bill was grateful for the scar salve which had worked wonders on most of the scars on his face, leaving silvery streaks in place of the vicious disfigurement although a little bit of lopsidedness remained.

When she returned to her flat again she had a bit of a tan, sand in her hair, freckles on her nose and a slightly lighter heart.


	13. The Healing

**The Healing**

Why was letter writing so hard? There was so much she wanted to say but she wasn't sure what would be appropriate. Crookshanks seemed to approve, anyway, when she told him she was writing a letter to Severus. The cat padded over to her writing desk and draped himself over half the desk, barely leaving her room for the letter. He purred like a small engine, his tail lazily flicking against her wrist.

 _Dear Severus_

 _I hope this letter finds you well. I just returned from the beach in Cornwall where Bill and Fleur live. Bill_ _'s scars are almost completely healed! He sends his thanks and I also got his notes in case you want to write another article._

 _I_ _'m better, I think. I'll head to St Mungo's tomorrow to talk to Healer Trout although I am nervous about it._

 _What are your plans for the summer?_

 _Thinking of you,_

 _Hermione_

~o~o~o~o~o~

"I'm so sorry, Healer Trout. I've been awful these past months."

She had beelined for his office the next morning. He had taken one look at her and quickly cleared his desk by sweeping most of the paperwork down on the floor, put on the kettle and closed the door.

"It's Desmond, as you well know. Don't worry about it. I know that life sometimes gets in the way." He poured a cup of tea for her, prepared the way she wanted it, milk no sugar.

Still, she wanted to tell him. Taking a deep breath to brace herself she managed to continue. "I … I found out that I was pregnant, rather unexpectedly. My relationship crumbled and then I miscarried, quite late."

He reached for her over the desk and grasped her hand. "I'm sorry to hear that, Hermione." His eyes were full of sympathy. "You know, miscarriages are very common in our world and there has been little research done on why. My wife lost three, one before we had our eldest and two after that. It was hard for both of us."

"Thank you, Desmond," she managed. "I can't shake the thought that I could have done something to stop it from happening, you know? If I'd eaten better or… or something like that."

He shook his head. "No, don't ever go there. I did plenty of research on it back when we went through it. It seems that in addition to the usual causes which also happen to Muggles, us magical folks also have the issue of the baby's magic sometimes not developing properly. You do trust my research, don't you? I don't want you obsessing about this."

She nodded, hesitantly. But it was true. If he had looked into it, she could trust his conclusions.

His foot started to tap an uneven rhythm against his desk as his brain kicked into gear. "I should get some funding for that research, set up an Apprentice to look at it further. Or are you interested after your thesis? What do you think? Looking into squib births, stillbirths and miscarriages would be very beneficial to the magical community as a whole."

She shook her head. "It's way too soon for me, I'm afraid."

"Yes… Yes of course, dear."

They finished their tea. Hermione told him about Shell Cottage and Bill's scar healing, which he found very interesting.

"Now, let us make a new plan for your thesis defence. You only need one more article in print and then you can finish the thesis, right?"

Hermione nodded. She hadn't even started to write up results from the Longbottom trial but she could probably get that done quickly with Healer Strout's notes.

From nowhere he produced a Muggle monthly calendar, a dog-eared and well used one with pictures of cute dogs, fluffy bunnies and kittens with large bows on their heads sitting in baskets. He quickly flipped towards the end of the year where lots of meetings were already noted.

"Hmm… well I think you may be able to graduate in December. There's no better time slot available unless you want to go up in four weeks, and that's way too soon. I shall contact the Arithmancers, the Potioneers, the Charms Masters and the Healers and you will start writing. How far are you on the article?"

Rather unexpectedly, a certain amount of enthusiasm was rising as she felt her brain starting to work again. "I have notes from all the preparatory work but need to interview Healer Strout and check her notes. I think I could have it written up within two weeks."

He smiled at her. "Excellent, dear. Will you be able to get on with that, then? I'll check up on you next week?"

"Thank you, Desmond. I will."

 _Dear Hermione_

 _Thank you for Mr Weasley_ _'s notes. One of these days I'll get that written up together with the most recent modifications._

 _The summer has been surprisingly busy with the final reviews of the last few books for Years 5, 6 and 7. I also have several other projects in a critical stage._

 _Good to hear you are returning to St Mungo_ _'s._

 _Be well,_

 _Severus_

~o~o~o~o~o~

She still had the most difficult ones left. Harry and Ginny, especially. And she needed to have a talk with Ron. Last time she saw him was at the Burrow, so they were a bit overdue for a chat anyway. Somehow she felt both jittery and heavy with dread, what if she lost them all over this? When the next Saturday rolled around she'd argued herself into a nervous frizzy ball of worry already right after breakfast, so she took a deep breath, threw some Floo powder into the hearth and called out the address.

Ginny answered. "Hello? Hermione?"

"Ginny? I need to talk to you and Harry but I'm not sure…"

"Come on through, it's just us here now."

Well, that was good at least. No house guests who would interfere. She stepped through the Floo before she could talk herself out of it, and landed with a hard thump in Ginny's drawing room. She'd made a lot of changes to the house since moving in, making it much more airy and inviting than previously. Kreacher had apparently grumbled at first but once Harry had given him permission to save whatever he wanted for the attic which was his to decorate, he had mellowed.

"Tea?" Ginny asked. She was still in lounge wear, with her hair in a messy bun and wearing one of Harry's t-shirts.

Hermione took a deep breath. Her heart was pounding. "Not yet, I really need to talk to you and Harry and am not sure if you'll want me to stay afterwards."

Ginny gave her an odd look but went to call for Harry who soon entered, clad in a t-shirt and jeans, his hair wet from a shower.

He went over to hug her. "Hi, Hermione, what's up?"

Her heart ached, would she lose him too now? He was her oldest friend, her almost-brother.

The couple went to sit down on the couch opposite the stuffy armchair Hermione sat in, perched stiffly on the edge. She felt jittery with nerves but at the same time she just wanted to get on with it, no matter what the outcome might be.

She took a deep breath. "I recently had a miscarriage… and it wasn't Ron's."

"What?!" Harry burst out. "Are you serious?"

"Oh no, I'm so sorry," Ginny said and put a hand on Harry's arm to keep him calm.

Hermione trudged on. "A girl… she'd have been due in the beginning of January. The father was also no longer in the picture."

Harry was silent, glaring at her.

She looked down on the floor. "I met this guy and we just… sparked. Somehow, with him, everything was right and easy. But he didn't want a real relationship and I was so afraid to lose all of you so I just kept putting off telling Ron that it was over."

"Hermione, you know, sometimes you're quite stupid for someone that smart. Of course we wouldn't abandon you, and then you would have avoided this whole mess." Ginny sighed and banged her forehead against Harry's shoulder.

"You… you were actually sleeping with someone else? I can't believe it!" Harry burst out. "How could you do that to us?"

"I'm sorry," Hermione tried again. "I also never planned to get pregnant, and when I told this guy about Ron proposing he left before I could say I turned Ron down."

Ginny glared pointedly at her boyfriend at that. "I told you it wasn't a good idea, Harry."

"Yeah but you didn't expect Hermione to go off and shag someone else, did you?" Harry snapped back.

Ginny sighed but at least she sat up straight again. "So when you discovered you were pregnant you were alone?"

Hermione nodded and tried to blink away the tears. It hurt. Thoughts of the baby that wouldn't come to pass mingled with flashbacks to that horrible day, and the overwhelming ache for Severus and the utter loneliness she'd found herself in.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry," Ginny said again. "That's horrible, especially in our world. And then miscarrying all alone?"

"Luna helped me a bit. She knew… somehow she knew everything even before I did." Hermione attempted a smile but it didn't quite work.

"Luna?" Harry said, having calmed down a little. "I didn't know you were that close."

Hermione nodded. "You know she knows Lucy, we've had lunch together quite regularly. When I went to talk to her once I discovered I was pregnant, Kingsley was there."

"What do you mean, Kingsley was there? Was he there on business?" Harry asked, frowning.

Ginny caught on faster. "You mean…" She waggled her eyebrows wildly.

Hermione nodded again, smirking. "Yes, exactly that. It was around ten in the morning on a Saturday."

"No way!"

"What?" Harry asked again, looking completely confused.

"Let's just say, the man's got great calves."

Ginny broke down in giggles before another thought struck her. "So Luna's shagging the Minister of Magic and hasn't said a word? I need to have a serious talk with her!"

"You didn't see them at the Ball," Hermione commented. "It was electric. Sorry, magic."

"What? She is what?" Harry asked again. "Don't tell me Luna and Kingsley are a couple now? That doesn't make sense!"

"Right, I won't tell you," Hermione said.

Ginny was still laughing, but Harry soon brought the conversation back to topic.

"When did it start?" he asked quietly. "This whole… you seeing someone else?"

Hermione closed her eyes. "At the conference in Prague."

"A year?" Harry burst out and rose from the couch. He started pacing back and forth in the room. "You cheated on Ron for a year and couldn't just, you know, tell him it was over?"

"I know," she whispered. There was nothing else to say.

He raked a hand through his messy black hair. "What the… Hermione, I thought I knew you! How could you do such a thing! Why didn't you tell us?"

"I'm sorry, Harry."

Ginny put her hand on Harry's arm which caused him to visibly deflate. "I thought you were good, that we'd always be together, like a family," he admitted. "You and Ron, like Ginny and I. That's why I told Ron he should propose when he asked me for advice."

Ginny shook her head. "No, Harry. She's still our sis, even if we're mad at her right now. Besides it's none of your business, alright? It's not you who got stuck in the middle. Hermione you'll always be family, no matter what. Just don't do something this stupid ever again, OK?"

Hermione nodded. "I won't. Promise. And Harry, promise me to never interfere in my relationships like that again. OK?"

Harry smiled somewhat sheepishly. "Yeah. Alright."

Ginny appeared to be thinking about something. "You know, Hermione. I was one of those who didn't think you and Ron were right together. You deserve someone who shares your weird interests and he needs someone who… who likes Quidditch. You already know where you went wrong. I hope you learn from it. Now I think we should have that tea."

Ginny rose to put on the kettle, and Harry went to check what else they had at home. Hermione tagged along and they moved into the dining room instead, and settled down with tea and some breakfast for Harry and Ginny.

Harry looked at her again. "Who was it?"

Hermione shook her head. "That I won't say, not now."

Harry grumbled something but accepted her answer, probably realising that there was no point trying to get her to say something she didn't want to divulge.

"What about the pregnancy?" Ginny asked again. "What were you planning to do about it?"

She closed her eyes, trying to stave off the tears. "I was terrified when I noticed, I don't know a single thing about babies. I just… I couldn't abort it so there wasn't much to do other than trying to face it alone. I would have told you maybe a few weeks later but then the miscarriage happened instead."

"I'm sorry," Ginny said again. "It must have been awful, going through that alone."

"It was… it was bad," Hermione admitted.

They fell silent for a while, sipping their tea and eating crumpets Kreacher had made earlier.

"You haven't talked to Ron yet, have you?" Ginny asked.

Hermione shook her head.

"Right. You do that and I'll forgive you for everything, OK? Did you hear of my latest Quidditch game?"

Gradually the tension lifted and the three of them slipped back into other discussions, about the Ministry, the Quibbler and Ginny's Quidditch career.

~o~o~o~o~o~

With the end in sight she dove back into her work. Healer Strout had kept detailed notes from the Longbottom trials, and was glad to go over them with Hermione one afternoon. Frank Longbottom had fallen into a deep depression when he realised he had lost twenty years of his life, that his wife was also affected and that his child was all grown up, but Healer Strout thought he would be able to pull through with intensive therapy and antidepressant potions. He was still plagued by nightmares but the frequency seemed to have lessened somewhat. Alice Longbottom, however, had not yet recovered properly. They hadn't been able to lift the stasis without her screaming as if she was still being tortured by Bellatrix Lestrange, and so instead they had Obliviated her memories of the torture. That had at least caused her to stop screaming, but instead she was unable to recognise her husband, mother-in-law and son, mistaking Frank for his father and Neville for Frank as in her mind her husband should have been in his twenties.

Hermione had interviewed all of the Longbottoms for her article. Neville was still grateful to her for the attempt, saying that he now had a father and nearly his mother back, and Augusta Longbottom had clasped Hermione's hands tight in hers, thanking her for bringing her son back. Still, seeing the Longbottoms together left a bitter taste in her mouth. Was this what medical research was like? Messing with people's lives, heedless of the consequences? She wasn't sure she could stomach it, in that case. Healer Strout was happy with the progress and said she thought Alice could improve with time and treatment, and that Frank would get better, but Hermione couldn't quite share the older Healer's optimism. Was this all her research was good for, making people depressed and confused? Perhaps it was lucky that she hadn't tried it on her parents?

Still, the article was written and sent off to the journal, and she got a response from the editors within a few days of sending it off, saying that the article would be in print as soon as possible.

 _Severus_ _—_

 _I managed to get the article published, I mentioned your essential contributions. I_ _'ve enclosed a copy and my notes from the Longbottom trial. Did you know them, you know, before? It was hard to see them this way, I hope I haven't made things worse._

 _Healer Trout insists I should graduate in December. There_ _'s no time!_

 _I was watching Time Team again the other day and it felt so odd not to have you there to argue theories with. I sincerely hope we can meet again to discuss the latest harebrained articles in Potions Monthly or Hippocratic Corpus. Crookshanks doesn_ _'t come up with as many good arguments._

 _All the best_

 _Hermione_

Muninn flew in later that same evening. Hermione handed him a peach, still boggling at the fruit-eating owl but the bird seemed happy enough with his unconventional diet.

 _Hermione_ _—_

 _Don_ _'t sell yourself short. You have done excellent work here. If Miriam thinks they will improve with time you should listen to her, she has extensive experience in the field. December is reasonable._

 _Yes, I did know them although not well. They were a few years ahead of me at Hogwarts, after all, but I used to run into Alice in the library and Frank was unusually kind to a solitary sullen Slytherin boy several years his junior._

 _Did you read the article in the latest Potions Monthly on Hinkypunk Lamp Essence? How in the world did someone come up with the thought that it would cure gout, without even once taking bioluminescence into consideration? I doubt the test subject had asked to be turned into a human lamp, bright enough to read the paper by at night. Nevermind, I have seen the answers to those questions in too many years_ _' worth of Potions essays._

 _I would not be averse to discussing Time Team theories with you again some day._

 _Until later_ _—_

 _SS_

~o~o~o~o~o~

Grief sometimes struck when she least expected. It was as if she was grieving not just the loss of a baby, but also the loss of her whole life. In a way, maybe that was true. Still, somehow she felt refreshed, as if coming clean to one person gave her the energy needed for the next one. Nonetheless, she dreaded the one who was left but sent an owl asking to meet up after work in a private booth at the Three Broomsticks the following Thursday. September was already upon them but the summer heat still lingered.

Ron was only fifteen minutes late. Hermione had already ordered a Butterbeer for herself, and he brought a Dragon Scale beer from the bar. He looked well, in new business robes and had let his hair grow out longer. He noticed her after receiving his beer and walked over to her booth, looking slightly sheepish but also somehow proud of himself.

"Hi, Ron," she managed.

He settled opposite her in the booth. "Hi. Umm, how are you?"

She took a deep breath. "Look, I need to tell you something. I… I wasn't honest with you that last year."

Ron held up a hand to stop her. "Look, Hermione, I think it's better for both of us that you don't say it. I don't wanna know, alright? Besides, I'm happy with Lavender now and I don't really want to tell you when I started seeing her. Both of us made mistakes, alright? I let myself be led by Mum and Harry into thinking I should marry you and we'd be one happy family and all but it wasn't true, was it?"

Hermione bit her lip and frowned. "Oh… Oh. Yes. You're seeing Lavender?"

Ron still looked guilty about it. "Yeah… we're doing good. Are you seeing someone now?"

At least that one had an easy answer. Somewhat easy, at least. "No. No, I'm not. And Lavender… yes, that makes sense, actually."

Ron grimaced. "It's part of why I left the Aurors. Might as well tell you, I don't want to lose you as a friend by going behind your back, again. She's… We're expecting. She's pregnant, she's due in March. She put her foot down on moving to Ottery St Catchpole so we're probably moving to Hogsmeade so I can run the WWW branch there."

Hermione stared sightlessly ahead as her field of vision shrank to a tunnel. Memories of spring and summer assaulted her. Severus, Ron, the whole mess, coming to grips with the pregnancy, almost bleeding out in her own bathroom.

"Congratulations, Ron," she managed faintly. "Honestly, I'm happy for you two. I just… maybe we need a bit of distance for a little while?"

Ron frowned. "Alright? You sure you're okay, 'Mione?"

She even managed a wobbly smile. "Yeah… Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks." She took a deep sip of her drink, trying to hide behind the foamy pint in order to gather her thoughts. "So, how's work?"

Ron grinned. "It's much better than being an Auror, that's for sure. I've helped with the store layout and some supplier contracts and stuff. I like it, no one's bossing me around like the Aurors did. It'll be fun to be store manager, then I can be the one to tell others what to do."

"Great… That's great, Ron."

She managed to stay until they'd both finished their drinks. He asked if she wanted to follow her to another pub or to the twins' apartment but she merely shook her head and excused herself as quickly as possible.

When she made it to her flat she realised he hadn't asked a single thing about her research, or anything else. She sank down on her couch, hugging a pillow for comfort. Crooks came padding over to her as if to check up on her, and Iris hooted from her perch.

"Thanks, Crooks. I'm alright… I am."

~o~o~o~o~o~

 _Dear Severus_

 _I came clean to Harry, Ginny and Ron but haven_ _'t said it was you. Still, it feels better to have it out there._

 _Ron and Lavender are moving to Hogsmeade and are expecting a baby in March. Apparently they_ _'ve been seeing each other for a while, he didn't exactly say. Odd that we were both in the same boat without just realising we should end it. But that was hard. Why should he get to have all that when I lost everything?_

 _I_ _'m sorry, I shouldn't offload it all on you. The books are all published? I saw several of them in Flourish and Blotts._

 _Thinking of you_

 _Hermione_

~o~o~o~o~o~

 _Hermione_ _—_

 _Other peoples_ _' choices are not yours to control. I'm relieved to be out of Hogwarts, then. Having to teach such a spawn would be headache-inducing._

 _Please refrain from mentioning any further details concerning the youngest Mr Weasley to me._

 _Yes, the books are already in use at Hogwarts, for years 1-5 now, the NEWT levels were not approved in time but will be used from next year. So far, Professor Bulstrode seems to be able to manage the little rascals without too many accidents._

 _December is not far off. Get the thesis out of the way, then we can see what happens._

— _Severus_

~o~o~o~o~o~

Most of the time work kept her busy. She dove into writing her thesis, burying herself in stacks of notes and reference material. Sometimes grief and longing struck, when she least expected. She missed Severus so much it hurt, both for his sharpness of mind when it came to research, and for his presence, in her home, in her bed.

One lonely night she brought out the box she had received from the Twins for Christmas. With some trepidation she opened the box and took out the vibrating egg. The Daydream Charm was in a small, square box with pictures around the sides. As she lifted it, the pictures blurred and became rather suggestive examples with a dark-haired pirate kissing a brunette, another scene depicted a young woman being taken from behind by a tall and dark figure who wasn't really in focus, and yet another side showed a couple in bed, the girl riding her wizard with great enthusiasm. She relocated to her bedroom and hesitantly lifted the vibrator. It started humming, somewhat ominously, when she held it. She shoved it down her panties, the small instruction leaflet had said it was hands-off after all.

"Oh!" The vibrations intensified and it was as if it changed shape. A lump started protruding from it, filling her, making her groan.

She turned to the box and opened it which caused green smoke to billow out, surrounding her. Before long the smoke solidified into the shape of a man, with black hair, piercing black eyes and a hooked nose.

"Severus…" she whispered before the spectre kissed her, almost as if it was him. He coaxed her backwards until the back of her knees hit the bed. Somehow her clothes had disappeared and when she closed her eyes it was as if he was there for real, kissing her breasts, inserting a long finger into her. It was just… slightly wrong, somehow. The charm didn't have any solidity after all so the feeling of his weight on her was missing. The spectre moved up her body and settled over her. It felt almost real when it entered her and started moving, almost like he would have, but still wrong.

She cried when she came.

~o~o~o~o~o~

She had missed Marit's thesis presentation when she was busy wallowing in misery despite receiving an invitation back in May, but as soon as she'd managed to kick her brain into gear again she sent Iris off with apologies and a brief explanation. After some planning they were able to meet up for a weekend in London in the beginning of October, and Lise-Mari joined them as well. Hermione invited Luna and Lucy as well, and together they toured both Muggle and Magical London before ending up in a bar where they stayed until way too early in the morning. It was nice to see them again, to feel that she had some friends that weren't Weasleys, even if she didn't meet them very often.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Luna and Lucy were a solid support system. Luna was happy with Kingsley. They were still keeping things quiet and hadn't been seen in public yet but as far as Hermione could tell they seemed to be pretty serious about their relationship. Lucy was getting busier with her own research but still had time for an occasional lunch or just a quick chat when things got overwhelming.

"Hermione, I'm saying this as a friend, remember?" Lucy began when they were seated at the Leaky Cauldron for a lunch with Luna. "It's just that I still can't wrap my head around how you could juggle two people like that, two relationships? The excuse that the other guy didn't want a relationship doesn't quite hold, because it was?"

Hermione frowned but Luna nodded. "It's easy sometimes to start treating people as things when you forget the fact that they have their own plans."

Somehow that statement made something click for her. Was that what she had done?

"Gods," she whispered, half to herself. She looked up at Lucy. "I guess I was too wrapped up in the fact that he said he didn't want a relationship to even realise it. I… I love him? How could I ever do that to him?"

Luna nodded again and speared a broccoli stalk. "Of course you do."

~o~o~o~o~o~

 _Dear Severus_

 _I_ _'ve been talking to Luna and Lucy quite a bit and come to realise exactly how awful I was to treat you like that. I basically treated you like a belonging, something to take out when I wanted to request an orgasm and put away in a box when it didn't suit. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. You deserve way better. I'm not sure how to make it up to you but I wish there was a way to redo all this._

 _Hermione_

Muninn flew in the next morning. She had a fruit bowl always stocked with fresh fruit, and he accepted a plum and a kiwi while she read the note he had brought.

 _Hermione_ _—_

 _Sometimes we do things we know are wrong and struggle to justify them to ourselves. I had my own boundaries in place and should have communicated better when everything started to get out of hand._

 _Forgive yourself, that is what is most important here._

 _I will be unavailable for some time, probably two to three weeks, due to business-related travel. Don_ _'t send Iris, the trip would be too much for her. I will contact you once I'm back._

— _S._

~o~o~o~o~o~

She still hadn't talked to the twins but an opportunity arose the next weekend when she happened to visit Diagon Alley again and decided to swing by their store.

Fred saw her first. "Oho! I spy with my little eye…"

George turned towards her and smiled. "Someone who has been gone for way too long!"

They pounced on her in their traditional twin greeting and steered her to the back of the store, working in tandem to open doors, put a kettle on, clear the table of prototypes and parchment, before settling down expectantly opposite her with identical grins on their faces. The kettle flew over to the table where Fred had Summoned three mugs and poured tea for them.

"Hi?" she began.

Fred was the first to speak, his words at odds with his grin. "Hermione, we want to apologise profusely for last spring."

"We heard Ickle Ronniekins had plans to propose…" George continued.

"And we didn't do anything to stop him or Mum who had basically planned the whole wedding already."

George again. "And then we've been horribly bad…"

"Horri-bad?" Fred asked his twin.

George nodded, solemnly, and dabbed at his eyes theatrically with a handkerchief.

"At keeping in touch with you," Fred concluded.

"We're so sorry," they chorused.

She had to smile at them. "Thanks, guys."

George cleared his throat. "How are you, Hermione?"

She bit her lip, suddenly uncertain. "I'm alright, now. I might as well tell you."

She told them much of what she'd told the others, her seeing someone, the pregnancy, the miscarriage. The heartbreak, the healing and tiny hope she had that perhaps one day things would be alright again.

Fred smirked at her. "Snape should have caught you properly when he had the chance. He was a fool to let you go to our little brother."

George looked surprised at first but soon nodded at his twin, sporting an identical expression. "Indeed."

Hermione blushed. "I didn't say…"

"You didn't have to," Fred said with an exaggerated leer and much eyebrow waggling. "You and the Bat of the Dungeons? Yes, yes indeed."

George hit his twin on the shoulder. "Don't worry, we won't blab. I guess you haven't told the others who it is?"

She shook her head. "Luna knows… and Millicent, actually. I haven't told Harry, or Ginny, or Ron, so please don't ruin everything for me."

Fred nodded, suddenly serious again. "We won't talk, Hermione. We like you, you know that? Even if you shag dungeon bats."

"Better you than us," George concluded.

~o~o~o~o~o~

As she left the shop, someone she hadn't expected to meet showed up. Lavender Brown walked in, clad in elegant light blue robes and with her hair in a crisp bun. Hermione hadn't seen her since the Battle of Hogwarts and was surprised to see the red welts on her cheek and down her chin, reminders of Greyback's horrific attack during the Battle of Hogwarts. For some reason, seeing that made her even more annoyed at Ronald who had demanded she hide her own scars while he apparently accepted Lavender's.

The blonde witch started when she saw Hermione and blushed fiercely as she stammered out a greeting. Apparently she was on the way to see the twins, discussing future business plans for the beauty product line she sold via them.

"Congratulations," Hermione offered, gesturing at her stomach.

"Hermione, I'm sorry —" Lavender started to say.

Hermione shook her head. "No, look, the only thing I'm annoyed with the two of you over is why Ron didn't just call it quits with me, although I wasn't much better myself. I'm glad you're happy with him, okay? You seem like a much better match for him than I was."

Lavender smiled, more genuine than before. "Thank you. It's been a bit hard sometimes, you know, with Molly Weasley? But I think he's starting to think for himself a bit more and I'm helping him cut the apron strings. I won't accept sharing him with her."

"Good, she can be a handful," Hermione admitted. Another thought struck her. "Look, I see you still carry some reminders of the war. I hope you don't mind me commenting but I had the same issue until I could try a scar healing salve created by Professor Snape. You can probably find it at the apothecaries, the brand is Septimius Solutions. I know J. Pippins carry the brand, haven't looked for the salve but it should be available there. Bill Weasley was also helped by it, he was badly injured by Greyback, you know?"

Lavender's eyes widened but she seemed to listen. "Thanks for the tip, I've seen that brand but didn't know it was Snape's. He knows his stuff even if he was a nasty teacher, I'll check it out."

Hermione managed a tight smile. "I have to go, good luck with it all."


	14. The Presentation

**The Presentation**

Finally the day she had both dreaded and longed for arrived, a nondescript Wednesday in early December. Nerves assaulted her almost as soon as she woke up, and the presentation wasn't due until after lunch. Everything was already prepared, checked and double-checked. She got up early as usual, made a cup of tea for herself and dressed in a set of crisp robes in brown and silver. After some hesitation she pulled the hair from her face and fastened it with a silver comb at the back of her head, and put on the earrings Severus had given her for Christmas. She hadn't used them before, finding the memories too painful, but now it seemed right to put them on. She could feel the faint whisper of an enchantment washing over her when she put them on, almost as if she was wrapped in the security and warmth of his arms.

After feeding her animals she made her way to work, walking the familiar route to St Mungo's through London's busy streets. The morning was dim and gloomy but the stores and streets had plenty of Christmas lights and other decorations ranging from pretty to tacky. Lucy luckily kept her distracted with tea, shortbread and the request for help with some Arithmancy calculations for her next article until Healer Trout collected both of them to go down to St Mungo's main lecture hall where she would hold her presentation. They were half an hour early so that she could set everything up the way she wanted. The room was roughly circular and quite dark since the dark wood panelling swallowed a lot of the daylight that seeped in through windows near the ceiling at the back of the room. Steeply rising wooden benches with padded black leather seats made up the auditorium. The front of the room held a slightly oval scene, with a podium for presentation notes, two large white boards where notes and pictures could be displayed or scribbled, and a table in the middle set up as a workstation for potions demonstrations. The examiners would sit centrally in the front row, with a long table in front of them for note taking.

People were starting to filter into the room, some from her work, a few friends including Harry, Luna, Neville and to her surprise also Millicent. Lucy went over to sit with Luna and the others, greeting Millicent and Neville. There were others too, people she didn't know, some in Healer's robes and some that appeared to be from the Ministry. George arrived together with both Bill and Fleur, the latter waving at her before they found their seats. Seeing them surprised her, she hadn't expected to have any Weasleys present at all, but she smiled at them, happy for their presence.

The examiners were next to arrive. She had thought there would be only one or two of them but Healer Trout kept introducing her to more people. An elderly witch in purple robes with a plump face and a kind smile introduced herself as Master Bassenthwaite from the Association of Arithmancers. Then there was Master Young from the Potions guild, a tall and gangly dark-haired wizard in shabby brown robes, the short and stout Master Ogden from the Charms guild with bushy eyebrows that almost met up with his equally bushy moustache and sideburns, a dark-haired witch in Healer's robes who introduced herself as Healer Fawley, and Master Ainsworth also from the Charms guild, a blonde witch with sharp eyes and a serious expression.

It was time to begin. Healer Trout called for silence and introduced her and her work. She blushed when he claimed that she was the best Apprentice he'd seen, calling her work impressive. He then smiled at her and left the floor to sit down next to the examiners. She cleared her throat, took a sip of water from the glass she'd placed at the podium, cast a Sonorous on herself to be heard, and began.

"I set out on this Apprenticeship with one goal in mind: to cure my parents from the Obliviation I performed on them at the height of the war against Voldemort." There was a collective intake of breath in the room when she said the evil wizard's taken name. She pushed on. "I had done it to keep them safe, to send them away from Britain without the knowledge of ever having a daughter, but when I later tried to reverse the Obliviation the counter-charms didn't work. Thus, when I started at St Mungo's, my goal was to find a way to bring their memories back again. Unfortunately, that goal will not ever be realised, but my work has nonetheless advanced the fields of Memory Charms and Memory Potions, as well as the Arithmantic framework for calculations used to predict their effects."

She had talked herself almost hoarse by the time she reached the end. A myriad of notes and calculations filled the boards, she'd demonstrated both the standard and the improved Memory Potion and even showed the Memory Charm on a frightened student in Healer Trout's team who had been volunteered as a demo subject and who wanted to recall his notes on magical creature-induced wounds for an upcoming exam.

"In conclusion, my work has improved the status of several areas. The improved Memory Potion may be used instead of the regular one when there is a need to recall forgotten things, the Memory Charms may be used as a basis for improved targetted Obliviations and their reversals, and the Arithmancy calculations I've had to develop can be seen as a framework for understanding the mind. It is my sincere hope that more patients will be helped with these methods, and that others may use them as foundations to create even more advanced treatment methods. Thank you."

Applause filled the room until Healer Trout called for questions from the examiners or the audience. Master Bassenthwaite asked a few questions on her Arithmancy calculations, Healer Fawley asked about the patients' current status, and Master Ainsworth wanted to hear more about her method for developing the charms.

Master Young was the last to speak up. "I see in the paper you published that you collaborated with Master Snape on the potion. Are you sure you developed it yourself or did you just claim his work as your own?"

She sputtered in indignation, what kind of a question was that? The room started to fill with whispered conversations.

"If I may?" a rich baritone voice asked from the back of the room. Severus Snape rose from his seat and must have cast a Sonorous to be heard. "Master Young, I find that question to be below even you. My contribution to Miss Granger's work was to review her notes and to assist with the test brews, exactly as outlined in the journal article. The ideas and methodology were developed by her. This I vow on my magic and my honour as a Potions Master. If you still question her integrity we can … _discuss_ … that in the Guild Hall, along with your latest contributions to the field of human bioluminescence." Even from a distance she could see that eyebrow of his rising, and apparently Master Young could too and wasn't immune to its effects.

"Thank you, Master Snape, for that clarification," Healer Trout said rather pointedly. "Any further questions?"

Master Young flushed and nodded jerkily. "No further questions from me."

The examiners rose from their seats to go into an adjacent room for discussions. Healer Trout rose from his seat and got on stage, casting his own Sonorous before talking.

"Thank you, Hermione Granger, for this excellent work. It has been my pleasure being your mentor through this time, and I think you've gone above and beyond what a normal Apprenticeship project is about. Your motivation for doing this work was to bring your parents' memories back. Unfortunately, we discovered that the selected approach would not work for that, for which I am deeply sorry. Still, you have to recognise what you've actually achieved here. Through your work, several people have already regained their memories after severe injuries that have left them in the long-term ward at St Mungo's for years."

Someone in the audience shouted "Lockhart".

Healer Trout cleared his throat and continued. "In conclusion, I think this is the best thesis I have ever seen in my years here. I know that no matter what you choose to do from here on out you will be successful, but please remember that you'll always have a place here should you want it, and that I won't allow you to not be in touch. Thank you, Hermione."

He cancelled the Sonorous, turned towards her and caught her in a big hug, surprising her.

"You did great, dear," he told her quietly.

"Thank you, Desmond," she whispered back.

The room filled with applause again. Several people started to leave, but her friends still remained in their seats. Lucy had promised to stay until she had heard the verdict, and she must have told the others about the process. She couldn't really focus on them, however, not with him in the room.

He was there. He had come. That thought made her all jittery, and as soon as she was able she walked up the side stairs to the top row where he was seated. He rose when he saw her approaching, and she stopped a little distance from him. He wore almost the same outfit as he had the first time they'd talked in Prague, his black Guild robes with swirling potions fumes along the lapels, an emerald green cravat and a slate grey frock coat underneath.

"Severus?" Her voice was little more than a whisper.

He looked wary, for some reason. He nodded at her and cleared his throat. "I brought some people you might want to meet."

Severus stepped aside and two persons that had been seated on his other side came forward.

Hermione gasped. "Mum…? Dad?"

Her parents smiled at her as they came closer. She flung herself into their arms, sobbing, her heart bursting with joy. They looked well, tanned and healthy after their time in Australia. Her father, Henry Granger, had lost weight, her mother had lost some of the stress lines on her forehead.

"But how…?"

"He came to visit this autumn," her mum Catherine said. "He did some wonky mind-reading thing that took forever, doused us with flasks full of potions that tasted horrible, and talked us through everything. He spent a whole week with us but asked us not to tell you until we could meet in person. I'm sorry love, we should have come right away but we had to think about a lot of things and figure out what to do with our lives. We're staying at a hotel this week, dear. Severus didn't want us back in the house until you'd cleared the words or whatever he said. Something about magical intruder alarms, at any rate."

"He told us about you," her father said. "He seems to really care about you but said something about some issues you'd been having lately. What is he to you, Hermione?"

She turned to look straight at him, willing him to come closer, even as she addressed her father.

"We had a bit of a falling out earlier this year so I don't know if he ever wants to have anything to do with me again. I just want him to be happy, whatever he's doing. Dad, I love him."

He walked closer, slowly, his eyes fixed on hers but still wary. Finally the answer was easy, the words she needed to say. "Severus… I love you."

"You…" He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "Since when…?"

She didn't care about the tears running down her cheek, didn't care about her parents, her friends, the audience. Only him. "I must have fallen for you in Prague, but I knew I loved you when I stayed with you at Hogwarts, all those hours spent working and arguing and being together. I just… I didn't realise until it was too late."

He wiped away the tears with his thumb, his hand cupping her cheek. She leaned into his touch.

"Silly witch, don't cry over me."

Finally he gathered her in his arms, hiding her from the rest of the onlookers in a swathe of black. He smelled just the same as always, of herbs and sandalwood. She clung to him, wrapping her arms tight around his chest, never wanting to let go.

"It's just…"

He kissed her forehead. "I know. I love you, Hermione Granger. I thought I could shield myself from pain, calling it a mere attraction, being flattered that you actually seemed to want me almost as much as I wanted you."

One or the other initiated a kiss, frantic, hard, as if trying to make up for lost time. One of his hands tangled in her hair, his other arm firmly wrapped around her shoulders.

"How long?" she asked. "And don't say almost, I doubt that is true."

The corner of his mouth lifted in a brief smile. "Ever since that day you insisted on eating breakfast clad in nothing but my shirt. That's when I lost my heart to you. It took me a while longer yet to admit it to myself, however."

She smiled at that and kissed him again, thoroughly. He tasted like home.

His large, calloused thumb wiped her tears away. "Witch, compose yourself. You need to go back there and be happy. Talk to your parents. Go with them now, Hermione. This evening is for you. Come to me later, if you really mean it." He produced a simple business card and scrawled something on the back of it before handing it to her.

She nodded. "I do, I will. Thank you, Severus." The card had Septimius Solutions' logo, a phoenix which was animated to rise from a cauldron and burst into flames.

He nodded and faded back into the shadows. She looked after him but soon reality came crashing back. Her friends were coming up the stairs. Harry was staring slack-jawed after their former Potions professor, Neville was blushing and trying to look elsewhere. Luna looked pleased, anyway, and was the first to speak.

"Your auras look much better now." The blonde witch hugged her and kissed her wetly on the cheek.

"Was that… Hermione, did you just _kiss_ Snape?" Harry asked, looking a bit nauseated. "How… what…?"

She didn't know what to say but soon everyone else made their way over to her so she didn't have to. She knew Harry wouldn't drop it but hopefully he wouldn't make too much of a scene. Millicent merely smiled at her and winked. Neville congratulated her awkwardly on her presentation.

"It's not over until they tell me what they have decided," Hermione reminded him.

Luckily her parents approached again, and introductions were made all around.

Shortly thereafter, sooner than she'd expected, the examiners returned and she was called back down to the stage. They lined up in the middle of the stage, with Master Ainsworth as the spokesperson. The stern-looking witch called for silence and started speaking without preamble.

"Due to the extraordinary nature of this work we have hereby decided to award Miss Hermione Jean Granger full Mastery in the following subjects: Charms, as witnessed by Master Ogden and myself of the British Charms Guild, and Arithmancy, as witnessed by Master Bassenthwaite by the Association of Arithmancers. She is also awarded a Small Acknowledgement in Potions, as witnessed by Master Young of the Potions Guild, and an Honorary Mention in the Healer's Association, as witnessed by Healer Fawley, Head of the Janus Thickey ward at St Mungo's Hospital since her work has made such a difference to many patients that previously were thought to be beyond help."

She was asked to stand in front of them. They pinned her robes with the Mastery pins of her main subjects and smaller pins for Potions and Healing. All of them congratulated her before Healer Trout came up on stage to once again wrap her in a hug, and thank the examiners.

After what felt like half an eternity everyone had finally left and Hermione made it out of the room together with her friends and parents.

"Lucy, Harry, I hope you understand if I change my plans for tonight and skip the party at Grimmauld? I'm sorry to ditch you but…" She gestured towards her parents.

Lucy hugged her. "Don't worry, we completely understand. Just remember that we'll want all the details on Snape later."

Hermione blushed. Harry hugged her too and congratulated her, but she saw that he was frowning and his voice was strained.

"Congratulations again," Neville said. He and Millicent were heading back to Hogwarts.

"Thanks for coming, both of you."

Millicent smiled at her and winked before they turned to leave.

Her parents had stayed back when she talked to her friends. Hermione was surprised when she checked the time and noted that it was already well into the evening. She Transfigured her robes into a simple dress and her cloak to a coat just before they left St Mungo's via the main entrance. They made their way out into a chilly London together and took the Tube a short distance to an Italian restaurant her mother remembered. There were lots of people out shopping despite the late hour on a weekday.

Soon they were settled and suddenly Hermione felt inexplicably nervous. What if they got angry with her and left, again? She fiddled with the menu, trying to busy herself with unimportant decisions between the veal and the pasta, anything to postpone the inevitable.

"I'll have the artichokes and then the risotto," Catherine said. "What about you?"

Hermione barely noticed what she chose, something with mozzarella and then a chicken dish while her father chose a steak. The waiter came and poured some wine for them.

"Now tell me, Hermione. You're all grown up! How are you doing?" Catherine asked.

She took a deep breath, smiled and sipped her wine to give herself some time to think. "Well, I live in a small flat in the middle of London, with Crookshanks, do you remember him?" Her father nodded. "I have an owl too, she's called Iris."

"Alone?" her mother asked while drizzling olive oil on a piece of bread. "You're not with that Weasley, are you? What was his name, Rupert?"

Hermione grimaced. "No, I've never wanted to live with Ron. And… well, it's kind of messy, I was with him but then I met Severus."

Henry frowned but didn't comment, and soon their appetisers arrived. Hermione found that she was much hungrier than she'd thought, after a day full of focus and nerves. Catherine told her about what they'd been up to in London the past few days; sightseeing, playing tourists and visiting several museums and two plays.

"You know he's much older than you?" her father asked abruptly once the waiter had cleared away their plates. "He was your teacher, Hermione."

She tried to smile at him despite her annoyance with the subject. Still, it was understandable. "Yes, Dad. I know. But remember I haven't been in school for quite a few years and the age difference doesn't bother me much. Magical folk live longer, we could easily see the 120's."

Catherine placed a hand on her husband's arm. "She's not sixteen anymore, Henry. We have to remember that. It feels like you left us yesterday but it was several years ago."

Her father frowned. "I just thought you'd end up with a nice young lad, Hermione, not someone closer in age to us than to you, with such a complicated past. He's not exactly an outgoing sort either, that one."

Hermione sighed. "I understand that, Dad. But he's a good man despite his prickly attitude. He's honourable, loyal and fiercely protective of those he deem worthy. And, he's wickedly intelligent and reads as much as I do."

Catherine nodded. "Henry, remember that you're twelve years older than I am, you know. And that we met when I was nineteen. Hermione knows what she wants, and I for one think Severus would be a good match for her."

Hermione shared a smile with her mother while her father grumbled something in defeat, much like they used to do when she was a teen and they were discussing something. Luckily their food arrived, giving her a temporary reprieve from uncomfortable subjects. They switched to other topics such as her research and life after Hogwarts, her parents' life in Australia where they had joined another dentistry clinic but kept much shorter hours than they ever did in England. The only snag had been what Hermione had done to their English dentistry clinic. She'd had to sell it to their third business partner and didn't get a very good deal since she didn't have the knowledge about what it had actually been worth. The money was less of an issue to her parents compared to their other employees, especially Mrs Rodham in the reception who had been with them almost from the start and who must have thought that the Grangers were abandoning her along with all their work and patients.

"So… he visited you in Australia?" she began, uncertain of how to continue, or even what questions she needed to ask.

Catherine nodded. "Severus? Yes, he knocked on our door one morning, looking like a scarecrow in all that black. He must have done something magical to us already then because I invited him in for tea as if I'd known him forever. I don't exactly know what he did, but he actually stayed for a whole week, sleeping in our guest room. My memory is hazy, ironically enough. He stared into my eyes and did something that made images flash by my eyes, like in stories when you think you're about to die, you know? 'My life flashed before my eyes' and all that. He also made us drink lots of nasty potions and said they'd help us remember. Oh, and he spent the whole week cooking for us, or bringing take-out. We were completely out of it."

Hermione smiled faintly. "I'm glad he could do it, I thought I'd managed to erase myself from you too thoroughly."

Catherine nodded slowly. "Yes, Hermione, although you had erased our memories of you… my body knew. Somehow, I knew you had existed, and that you were missing. I could feel it. I saw it too, I don't have the body I would have had if you'd never existed. Some days I thought I was going mad, almost remembering you when something came up that reminded me of you somehow but never quite able to place it. It was bad, actually."

"I'm so sorry, Mum." She blinked away the tears. "It was… there was no one else who would help me, and things were bad here. Really bad. It was the only thing I could think of, to keep you safe even if you'd never remember me. They would have killed you."

Caroline looked grim. "Having children out there, fighting. It's completely absurd. It's good that your old Headmaster is gone or I'd go give him a good talking-to. And that snake fellow too."

"I'm sure you would, Mum."

~o~o~o~o~o~

It was late but her parents were safely back at their hotel, contact details had been exchanged and schedules compared. With them staying for a month there would be time to see each other in calmer circumstances, and they had made plans to meet up again that Friday. Hermione had also promised to go open the wards on the house the next day so that they could move out of the hotel. It had felt odd to reconnect with them as an adult. She'd left them as a minor, technically speaking, but now she had lived on her own for several years, paying her own bills and managing to stay fed and clothed all by herself.

She brought the business card out again, watching the phoenix rise and burst into flames. On the back he had scrawled an address in his familiar spiky script. _Severus Snape lives in Oakwood Cottage, Malvern Hills, Worcestershire._ Since she hadn't visited before she couldn't Apparate there, so she went to the Leaky Cauldron to use their Floo instead. The journey through the green flames was as disconcerting as always, but soon she tumbled out of a large fireplace onto a polished wooden floor into a foyer.

A house elf popped into view. It was wearing what looked like an elf-sized blue kimono-style robe with a double S embroidered in silver on the shoulder. The elf looked familiar, somehow. Was it — was she…?

"Winky?" Hermione asked slowly.

The elf looked well, much better than when she'd been freed from the Crouch family against her wishes.

Winky nodded. "Oh, miss remembers! Welcome to Oakwood, Miss Potions. I is with Master Severus now."

She deposited her outer robes and bag where Winky indicated, on a clothes hanger next to the Floo.

"Master is through there and right." Winky pointed at the large double doors on the other side of the Floo, which were open into a dining room area, and gestured for Hermione to enter.

She walked through the doorway and looked to the right as instructed. He was seated by the fireplace in a very comfortable-looking armchair, a book in hand and a glass of Firewhisky on the side table. He looked up sharply when she entered but didn't rise from the chair. "I wasn't sure you would come." He'd shed the outer robes and cravat and was only wearing a white shirt and black slacks.

"Severus," she whispered.

He rose from the armchair, put the book aside and swiftly made it to her, crushing her to him in a hard embrace. She sagged against him in relief, melding herself to his hard chest, and put her own arms around his waist. He buried his nose in her hair which was about to break free from the bun she'd put up that morning, and inhaled deeply. She could feel his heartbeat through his shirt.

"I've missed you so much," she murmured against his throat.

She felt him nod against her forehead. He lowered his head to hers, seeking her lips for a gentle kiss, as if to reassure them both that it was real. He started backing up, pulling her along until he sat back down in the chair. A gentle tug, almost like a question, and she quickly seated herself sideways in his lap, leaning against his chest. He didn't say anything, merely held her close, his nose and mouth resting against her hair. She put her arm around his neck, feeling the remainders of Nagini's scars against her thumb.

Slowly the tension from the whole day ebbed out. She was actually done. She'd done it. And he had in turn done what she thought to be impossible, bringing her parents back and even making it in time for them to see her present her work.

"Thank you," she whispered, placing a kiss on his cheek, slightly raspy with stubble. His arms tightened slightly around her in response.

They sat like that, not talking, only breathing each other in, until she found herself nodding off when the day caught up with her. She was completely spent, emotionally. Too much tension, too many feelings, she didn't have room for more.

He broke the silence, his deep voice rumbling against her cheek. "Come, let's go to bed. It's upstairs. I'll show you the rest tomorrow."

She yawned and rose stiffly from his lap. He led her up a circular flight of stairs and showed her the large bathroom, and handed her a well-worn black Muggle t-shirt with a Rolling Stones print to sleep in. Winky popped in with a towel and fresh toothbrush for her. Once she had cleaned up a bit and brushed her teeth she felt slightly better but still tired enough to fall asleep standing. She gratefully climbed up in his bed, shuffling over to the far side to wait for him. Soon enough he joined her, wearing nothing but a pair of comfortable-looking pyjama trousers, black of course.

"May I hold you?" He sounded almost nervous. "I think, tonight… I think that's what we need."

She nodded, another yawn threatening to break free. It sounded absolutely perfect, and she snuggled up with her back to his chest.

She fell asleep in his arms, surrounded by his solid warmth. His breath in her hair, his long arms around her, she was finally home.


	15. The Reunion

**The Reunion**

The next morning he was already out of bed when she woke up. It took her a moment to figure out where she was, but his scent still lingered on the pillow, helping her recall the events of the prior evening. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and sat up to get a better look at the room, picking up her wand from the bedside table to flick the curtains open with a spell. The pale December sun was shining, some slanted rays making their way through the window. The large bed had a cherry wood frame and headboard, polished to a shine, and light grey bedding. The walls were painted a deep navy blue, with a subtle pattern of swirling smoke and twirling vines that emerged or disappeared depending on how the light fell. The floor appeared to be oiled oak planks, with a large light grey area rug around the bed for comfort. He had a dresser next to the window and a wardrobe in a corner, but overall the room appeared airy and welcoming if a bit subdued.

She extricated herself from the covers and made her way across the hallway to the bathroom which was decorated in a style similar to that in his Hogwarts quarters, with white marble countertops and dark cabinets. He had a large tub in the corner with several different faucets for baths or a shower. The tiled floor was warm under her feet, and she idly wondered if the cottage came with Muggle-style floor heating or if it was powered by magic. Once finished in the bathroom she returned to the bedroom, thinking about what to wear. She didn't much feel like wearing her office robes and she didn't have any spare clothes in her bag apart from her usual emergency knickers. Winky must have fetched the bag for her as it was now on a chair in the corner of the bedroom.

He must have heard her moving about and soon entered the room clad in a simple white shirt and black slacks. She reached for him, pulling him down for a kiss which quickly grew heated. Her hands snaked in under his shirt to stroke his flanks, tugging him along to the bed again. Lust and an absolute need to have him close, closer, all of him, rose swiftly and she summarily Divesto'd his clothing so that she could feel his skin against her own. He groaned as well and started trailing kisses down her throat, making her toes curl. She pulled off the t-shirt and he helped her with the knickers before laying down next to her, close, as close as possible. His skin on hers felt wonderful, all the way down to her toes.

A thought broke through the haze of lust. "Severus… I'm not on the potion right now."

"Ah." He looked up at her, frowning slightly as understanding broke.

"There wasn't any point with you gone, I haven't since… since… " She didn't know what to say. Memories and pain rose up to the surface again along with the tears.

He kissed her temple and curled himself around her protectively. "Hush, sweet, it's alright. I won't let you down again."

That broke through the swirling emotions and she frowned at him. "What? You can't promise that, what if you didn't mean to? Besides, I was the one to let you down, wasn't I?"

He chuckled. "Alright. I'll amend that statement. I swear I won't ever intentionally hurt you, Hermione Granger. And if I hurt you unintentionally, I will do all that is in my power to rectify the situation. Well, as long as you inform me of my transgression, of course."

That statement was so pedantically precise it made her heart swell for him. She smiled and kissed his cheek. "You are the best of men, Severus Snape."

His eyebrow rose again. "You are quite deluded."

"What, for thinking you are the best? A good man? But you are, all that and more. I love you."

He shook his head but there was a smile in his eyes. "Quite deluded indeed. Poor little witch. Now what should a wizard do when he finds a naked and rather delectable witch in his bed?"

She squeaked when he moved to nibble at her earlobe. "Gods, Severus!"

His mouth on her breast, a hand snaking down between her legs to rub her clit in circles. She was thrumming with need for him. He muttered a preventative charm over her belly before putting his wand aside.

"Need you now!" she commanded, tugging at his arms to get him where she wanted him.

He kissed her hungrily and finally after so long she had him where she wanted, his thick cock finally sliding back into her. Both of them groaned as he filled her, pausing for a moment before he started to move. She spurred him on and before long she was lost in an orgasm. He grimaced, trying to hold back his own as she twitched around him. When she relaxed he kissed her fiercely and picked up the pace even more until she was howling his name as another orgasm hit, pulling him with her. He collapsed in a sweaty heap on top of her.

"Marry me," he gasped even before he had his breath back.

"What?!" Had she heard that right?

"Yes, witch. Marry me?"

"What?" she tried again. "What are you talking about?"

He rolled off her to lean on an elbow, the other arm slung over her ribs, below her breasts. "Hermione, I want you to know that I wish to make this official. No more sneaking around. I want you by my side until the end of time and beyond. You and only you. I want every other wizard to know that I'm the lucky bastard who caught you before they had a chance. I want to wake up next to you in the morning, argue about research, buy Indian take-out and watch silly television shows with you until we're both too old to see the screen."

Her heart soared and she turned towards him. "Severus… Yes, of course yes! I want you, no one else but you."

There was the hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth, in his eyes. "I will protect you."

She leaned over for a kiss. "I will defend you. I love you."

He tugged her closer and lay down on his back again. She followed, her head on his shoulder. She could feel his heartbeat, the rise and fall of his chest. It felt like home.

"Are you sure?" he asked after a while. "No one before… no one has ever said those words to me."

Now it was her turn to rise up on her elbow, to see him properly. He looked wary, as if it was all a dream that would soon evaporate. Her heart swelled for him, with love.

"Severus, I love you. I love you, I love you. I want to marry you." She reached over to kiss him again, trying to prove it.

He drew a long breath and seemed to relax, actually smiling at her. "Breakfast?" he asked after a while.

She smiled. "I'll just shower first."

He went down to the kitchen and she went for a quick shower. She stole his shirt since she didn't want to wear her office robes, and a pair of woollen socks. At least she had fresh knickers.

When she padded down the stairs, the smell of cooking greeted her. Severus was busy in the kitchen area, cooking bacon and scrambled eggs. A pot of tea was brewing and the table was set for two.

In daylight the layout and design of the cottage became clearer. The kitchen area was straight across from the foyer, with an open-plan dining room joining it to the sitting room where she'd found Severus the evening before. Pale December sunlight was streaming in through the windows on the kitchen side. She walked up to Severus and hugged him from behind, resting her cheek on his shoulder blade. He hummed in greeting and continued to stir the scrambled eggs while pointing out where the cups and cutlery were. Soon they were seated by the table, and Hermione found that she was hungrier than she'd expected.

Suddenly the sound of an incoming Floo could be heard through the open doorway to the foyer.

"Severus, you rascal, you left me alone to deal with Margolotta at the Patent Office! You knew we had a meeting at nine, where were you?" Lucius Malfoy started talking even before he made it into the room. He took one look at the half-clad couple. Both of his eyebrows hiked up almost to his hairline before he quickly collected himself. "Oh. I see."

"Lucius…" Severus growled.

Lucius smirked. "Don't mind me, Severus. So this is the one you've been pining for, is it? Miss Granger, quite the surprise."

"Good morning, Mr Malfoy," Hermione managed, in equal parts embarrassed and amused by the situation. Had Severus been pining for her, really?

Lucius turned on the full Malfoy charm and smiled at her before he reached for her hand to ghost a kiss over her knuckles. "It's Lucius, dear. I suspect we will see a fair bit of each other, don't you think?"

Hermione blushed. "Please call me Hermione." He still made her uncomfortable. Although she was friendly with Draco she hadn't forgotten her prior visit to Malfoy Manor, during the height of the war.

Severus growled again and rose from the table. "Lucius, we'll talk _later_."

Lucius rolled his eyes at him. "Alright, alright, I know when I'm not wanted. Congratulations and don't cock this up, Severus."

"Goodbye," she managed.

Lucius winked at her and left the way he came.

"Bloody meddling Malfoy," Severus grumbled. "What are your plans for the day? I'll have to call him in a bit and I also need to check on a couple of potions in the lab."

"I need some clothes and I promised my parents I'd open up the wards on the house for them and give them their keys back. Can I… can I come here after?"

He looked almost surprised. "Of course, Hermione. I thought that was implied? If you don't see me just call for Winky, she'll know where I am."

She returned to her flat after they finished their late breakfast, to check on Crooks and Iris and fetch some clothes. The bird hooted at her, and Hermione told her about Severus' new address. Crookshanks seemed to grumble a bit but accepted her bribe of an enchanted catnip mouse and some tuna. There were several owls waiting outside her window for her to accept her mail, and she let them in but left the mail unread on her kitchen table.

After changing into a more practical outfit of jeans and a dark blue jumper she hesitated a bit. How much should she pack? After having spent too long staring at her open wardrobe she huffed and started stuffing a few sets of clothes into her trusty extendable bag somewhat at random. She'd still have to check on the animals, after all. It took her a little while to hunt down the keys for her childhood home, but soon she was ready to leave.

She hadn't been back to her old childhood home since a year or so after the end of the war. It had been too difficult to go back, getting assaulted by the memories when her parents were lost to her. After Apparating to a nearby alley she walked up to the house. The front yard was overgrown with weeds, the old apple tree in the corner had dropped all its apples on the lawn to rot and the roses underneath the windows were out of control. The Anti-Muggle wards she'd set on the house had worked, at least. There was no mail in the mailbox, not even any pizza fliers. Her anti-magical wards also seemed to still be functional and the house looked just as when she'd left it. After cleaning up the worst of the debris in the garden she cautiously lifted the wards and replaced them with some more basic anti-theft wards and some that warded against people with ill intent, before she walked up the front stairs and put her key in the lock.

The interior of the house was much the same. It smelled musty and stale from disuse but nothing was moved or disturbed. The water and electricity were shut off but it didn't seem as if the house had sustained any damages while it was unoccupied. She opened a few windows, cleaned the worst of the dust with a flick of her wand and made her way upstairs to her old room. She had already removed almost all of her belongings, and what remained she could go through later with her parents. The room was exactly as she'd left it. Pale blue wallpaper with tiny roses, a desk by the window, three bookshelves along the wall, a drawer for her clothes, her bed. A reminder of a different time, a different life. Suddenly she was overtaken by the need to be elsewhere, anywhere else but here, and she left quickly, locking the door without looking back. She Apparated back to London and dropped the keys off at her parents' hotel, not meeting up with them as they were out for the day.

Returning to Severus' cottage was a relief. She wasn't ready to let the outside world in yet. He had set the wards to allow her to Apparate directly inside, so she visualised the foyer and concentrated. The house felt empty, however, and he didn't answer when she called his name.

"Winky?"

The elf popped into view immediately, beaming proudly. "Miss is back to stays with Master? Master is in labs. Miss leave bags here and I shows you the way."

Hermione smiled at the elf. It was clear, despite her teenage misgivings about house-elf servitude, that Winky thrived when belonging to a family, even if said family was one grumpy Potions Master. "Thank you, Winky."

Winky led her through a side corridor to another door which led out into the backyard. The cottage was situated on top of a small hill, and the landscape opened up to a series of fields and woodland groves with some larger hilltops along the edges of the valley. A small stream ran nearby down into the valley, and what she presumed was the boundary of Severus' property was outlined with a dense hedge. There were two other relatively large white-washed buildings near the cottage, and Winky pointed towards the one to the left. Hermione nodded and walked over to it, feeling the hum of his wards washing over her as she opened the oak door. She entered another foyer, with an open door to the left showing an office and another one leading to what she presumed was ingredients storage. A third, larger door was left half open and she could hear the sounds of a bubbling cauldron coming from there, so she stepped closer. He was there, his head bent over a cauldron which simmered over a flame, giving off purple fumes.

She scraped her foot on the stone floor to let him know she was there, much in the same way they had done in his Hogwarts lab. He tilted his head towards her slightly, indicating that he'd heard her, but continued working on his potion with an intense focus, stirring in a precise pattern and watching for something she couldn't discern. He had put his hair up with a black hair tie and his shirtsleeves were rolled up, baring his sinewy arms. She found a stool and settled quietly, watching him work.

After a while he put his stirring rod down and turned to her. "I have to wait half an hour and then add the next batch of ingredients before I can finish here."

"Can I help?"

He seemed surprised, for some reason. "Would you? Well, you could slice the motherwort roots while I purify the Flobberworm mucus."

She nodded and, after some pointers from Severus where everything was stored, set to work slicing the purple roots. "What are you working on?"

"Hmm?" He looked up from the small cauldron he was using for the preparation. "Oh, this is a cure for gout. Nothing terribly earth-shattering but I have already spent half a year on it and it's almost ready."

She nodded and handed him the prepared roots. While he waited to start next stage he showed her the research notes, all the trial attempts and the corrections. Almost on autopilot she pulled up a parchment and started checking the Arithmancy calculations as she tried to follow his trail of thought through the trial process.

"Hermione."

She looked up from her parchment, startled to see him standing right in front of her. Apparently he had called for her attention a few time, if the slight exasperated look was anything to go by.

"Let me show you around."

They started with the lab building which apparently used to be an old barn for housing farming equipment, but now was remade to accommodate advanced research instead. The main lab had several workstations, magical fume hoods, white-washed walls and bright magical lighting in a style that resembled Muggle lights. Cauldrons were neatly stored and sorted based on size and material, knives and other utensils were clean and organised and the ingredients were easily accessible through a side door.

"I bought it this summer," he said after she asked about the place she had visited when trying to talk to him. "I had begun looking last spring but didn't find this place until August. It seemed right. Spinner's End was where I grew up, a miserable place that I'm glad to be rid of."

They went outside, he showed her where he was planning a Potions garden, and the other annex building which had probably been used as a guest house and was still outfitted with Muggle-style appliances and electricity, with three rather small bedrooms, a tiny bathroom and a slightly larger sitting room with a small kitchenette.

She stole a kiss when they exited. He seemed distant, somehow, and she was not sure why. They went back to the cottage where Winky had already prepared a beef stew for them, with lit candles and a bottle of wine to go with it. They settled down to eat in silence. He didn't look at her, almost hiding behind his black hair as he focused on the meal. Was he already tired of her? Not until he'd finished his plate did he speak up.

"What have you told your friends?"

She looked up. "About us, this? Nothing yet, I got some mail but I left them at the flat, I haven't read them. It's not as if I'd had much time to meet up with them."

"You're not suggesting we hide again, are you?" He was frowning, wary.

"No! Not at all. I want to tell everyone I'm with you. I just… I'd just want a little time for us first? I had planned to go to St Mungo's on Monday anyway to talk to Healer Trout… Desmond. It's just… Harry will insist on asking why I'm seeing you of all people, Ginny will ask lots of inappropriate details and the twins will… I don't know what they will do, actually."

He smirked. "True. Very well, as long as we are in agreement."

Finally she understood the reason for his wariness. She reached for his hand across the table. "Severus, I'm proud to be with you. You know that? I won't hide this, I promise. I can go talk to them this weekend. I need to see my parents as well."

He nodded. "You could invite your parents here if you want."

"You know that if you involve yourself with me you'll have to face various Weasleys and even Harry Potter in your home, right?"

"Perish the thought," he muttered, but some of the spark was back in his eyes and he was looking at her again.

They moved to the sitting room after finishing their meal, bringing the wine glasses. There was a comfortable-looking couch near the armchair she'd found him in the evening before, and a few bookshelves lining the walls. A coffee table was placed in front of the couch, and a side table laden with books by his armchair. He gestured for her to take a seat on the couch and flicked his wand to start a fire in the fireplace.

Hermione was pensive. Apparently he was still unsure of them, of what their relationship would be like in the eyes of the world. Perhaps he too needed some reassurance, much as she did? If she wanted to restart a relationship with him on an equal footing it wouldn't be fair if he wasn't allowed to be insecure every once in a while.

"What would you like for dessert?" he asked. "Winky makes a good apple pie."

She shook her head, plucked his wine glass from his fingers to put it safely on a side table, and pounced. "You," she said against the corner of his mouth before kissing him hungrily, straddling him. After a moment's hesitation his arms came up to wrap tightly around her. He groaned into her mouth when she ground her pelvis against his crotch. Her own need for him rose sharply, heat pooling in her lower belly, but she wanted to focus on him this time. She raked her fingers through his inky black hair and moved to kiss his cheekbones, his temples, his throat. He closed his eyes, his hands snaking under the hem of her top, encircling her waist.

"I love you," she murmured close to his ear. "I'll tell anyone, everyone. We could announce it in the Leaky, take out an ad in the _Prophet_ , anything you wish."

He quirked an eyebrow at her, pulling back slightly to better see her. "Then they'd all think you mad, Miss Granger."

She hummed in assent and followed. His ear looked quite delicious. She started nibbling it, tracing the edge with her tongue, making him hiss. "I don't care, Severus Snape. You're mine now, you hear that? I'm not letting you go and all those other witches better know it."

He tried to move, but she stopped him with a hand on his shoulder and shifted slightly backwards on his lap to get better access to the buttons of his shirt. She trailed kisses down his chest as she managed to unbutton it.

"Hermione…" His hand rose to play with her hair.

"Mine," she almost growled and nibbled his nipple, causing him to hiss, his hips bucking upward slightly. She grinned and kissed him again while her hands started unbuttoning his trousers. When she had managed to free his erection from its confines she sank down between his legs, studying it and the man it belonged to. He had slouched down a bit, to give her better access, and his heated gaze was following her every move. His dick twitched when she wet her lips with her tongue, even before she moved to kiss the swollen head. She swirled her tongue around the top, tasting the salty drop that had already gathered there. She whispered a lubrication charm over her hands, and put one around the shaft to help steady it as she started moving her head over him. When she looked up, she saw him looking down on her with half-lidded eyes, resting his head back against the couch, clutching the armrest tightly with one hand. Her other hand moved to his heavy balls, but she had to stop for a moment to pull down his trousers a bit more to gain proper access. She shifted a little and put her mouth on his balls, sucking them into her mouth. He hissed. She lifted an eyebrow at him in a good Snape imitation, watching his nostrils flare as he fought to stay still under her ministrations. It made her feel powerful, being able to bring him to such a state. Returning to his cock she decided to try some of the things Lavender and Parvati had giggled about in the dorms at Hogwarts, and she started humming. When she started stroking downwards from the head with alternating hands, starting with one hand near the head right as the other reached his groin, and also hollowed her cheeks to suck hard on the head, he suddenly exploded almost without warning with a strangled curse, his come hitting the roof of her mouth. She waited until he had stopped twitching before she released him.

"Where did you…"

She smirked. "You liked it?"

"Come here." He reached for her.

She settled sideways in his lap and he kissed her hungrily, heedless of his own taste on her lips.

After a while she suggested tea. He rose somewhat unsteadily and sorted out his clothing while she went to put the kettle on. When she pulled down cups for them he came up behind her and put his arms around her shoulders, breathing in the scent of her hair. They settled back on the couch with their cups.

"I get the Septimius reference, but what about the phoenix logo?" she asked.

"That one is rather literal, actually." He traced his lower lip with a very distracting finger and cleared his throat. "When I was in the Infirmary after Minerva and Poppy brought me in, suddenly Fawkes was there. He sat on my chest, dropped tears on the wounds and in my eyes and mouth, and sang something, quietly, that sounded a bit like 'I claim you'. Then he promptly set himself ablaze and disappeared. I was so far out of it that I hardly realised it at the time but Poppy commented afterwards that my healing had gone suspiciously well, and when I finally made it back to my private labs there was an angry and very hungry chick sitting in a cauldron, demanding to know where the mangoes he requested were and what took me so long. He's quite bossy, that one. He didn't want to reappear as Fawkes at Hogwarts, for reasons I have yet to figure out, and so you know him better as Muninn these days."

"Muninn is… Fawkes?"

The bird in question appeared as if summoned and stared at both of them. He let out a chain of notes and cocked his head to the side. With a rustle of his wings he suddenly shifted form, from the majestic owl to the flame-coloured phoenix with his long tail and the crest of feathers on his head. Overall, his colours were slightly darker than before, with streaks of black on his head and down his back.

Severus snorted. "He says his name now is Muninn, and that you should have brought Iris along to stay here already."

"I wasn't just… I can't just bring her in just like that!" she protested.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "I wouldn't mind if you bring your belongings here, Hermione. There is plenty of room for your clothes and books and whatever else you have. Even that mangy cat of yours could stay here, as long as it means you will sleep in my bed. Our bed."

"Are you sure? You want me to live here with you?"

He nodded. "If you want to? I thought that went without saying."

She practically tackled him as she flung herself at him. "Of course I want to live with you!"

She could feel him relaxing. He kissed her, tenderly.

"I still cannot believe all of this, Hermione," he admitted quietly. "I never thought I'd have someone to share my life with. I gave up looking for it even before I began searching, I didn't think there would be anyone out there who could stand my personality for long enough to actually agree to such a thing, or that I would be able to find someone I could be in the same room with for longer than a few hours. And then you showed up when I least expected it and somehow managed to sneak past all my defences to steal my heart. I didn't even think I had one, after all those years."

She sat up straighter in his lap so that she could look at him properly. "You're mine now. I will not let you go. I'm just amazed that all the other witches failed to realised what a treasure they could have had, in you."

He snorted. "Deluded, I say. Still, you said yes." He shifted her a little to better access his pocket, and dug out a small box which he then handed to her. "I went to fetch this earlier today, it is almost the only thing I inherited from my mother. Would you consent to wearing it, as a symbol of my commitment to bond with you whenever you are ready?"

She opened the box. Inside was an engagement ring with a solitary diamond set in a white metal. The band was wrought in one piece but twisted, somehow giving the impression that something was moving.

"It is Goblin-wrought platinum, impervious even to the worst potions. There are some runes etched to the band giving some basic protection."

She held out her left hand for him to put the ring on her finger. When he slid it on it resized to fit her perfectly. The runes buzzed faintly when she put it on but the feeling dissipated quickly. She reached for him for a kiss, need for him surging over her like a wave. Suddenly she found herself in his bed again. He made short work of their clothes and soon she had his hands, his mouth everywhere, driving her into new heights of want. He was quite thorough in his exploration, and when he finally touched her properly she exploded in an orgasm as soon as he inserted two fingers. Before she'd come down from her peak he moved up her body and pushed himself inside, causing her to gasp. He started out slow and grinding, pushing deep inside, his pelvis putting delightful pressure on her clit, but soon he picked up the pace, slamming his hips into hers. She met his pace, seeking release, gasping his name when it hit which caused him to lose control and follow her. They collapsed into a sweaty tangle.

Something had been bothering her about his comments, but it took her a while to work out what it was. After a quick shower they headed back to bed. She crawled up almost on top of him, resting her head on his shoulder, a leg slung over his thigh.

"Severus?"

"Hmm?"

"You don't think me foolish or stupid, do you?"

He turned his head to look at her, frowning. "No, of course not. Why?"

"You see, there is this wizard I'm seeing. He's quite brave, and powerful, and clever. I have promised to defend him against others, when they don't understand him or think he is bad. And now there's someone who thinks I'm foolish for wanting to be with him, that it makes me deluded? I won't accept that. No one is allowed to put him down like that."

Slowly understanding dawned and he went from suspicious to almost smiling. She wanted more of that, of his smile. He needed some happiness in his life.

"Hermione. This is all new to me. Thank you."

She nodded and settled against him, her head on his shoulder.

"We'll work it out, together."


	16. The Consequences

**The Consequences**

They took it easy the next morning with a simple breakfast which gradually got heated enough to move to the couch. To Hermione it felt as if they were trying to make up for lost time, but she was a very eager participant, mapping his skin with hands and lips just as he did to her. Everything still felt fragile, their newfound connection might be easily shattered with sharp words or a thoughtless action, but then again it had only been just over a day since they reconnected. There was also something else lingering in the back of her head related to his actions that spring, but she shut down that line of thought whenever it popped up, she wasn't ready to confront it.

Iris had flown in during the night and was found sharing Muninn's perch when she went to offer him some fruit. Hermione had already made plans to meet up with her parents, and Severus headed back to the lab. She sent her bird off to Harry, saying she'd come over the next day to talk. As that was a Saturday she expected both of them to be in, unless Harry had a special Auror assignment.

Much later, an exhausted Hermione returned to the cottage which had already started to feel like home. She toed off her winter boots in the foyer and flopped ungracefully down on the couch. Winky materialised beside her with a mug of hot cocoa which Hermione gratefully accepted, scooting up into a half seated position with her back against the armrest. After a while Severus showed up, finally done for the day in the lab. He lifted her feet off the couch, sat down and replaced them in his lap.

"Rough day?" His dark eyes sought hers.

Hermione groaned. "I had completely forgotten how much I've always dreaded going shopping with my mother, and now she's somehow even more energetic than she used to be. Must be all that Australian sun, can't be good for you."

He smirked and started rubbing her feet. It felt divine.

She had met up with her parents in central London, and they had gone for lunch after spending some time strolling through a few stores. Her parents had spent the day before going through their house and getting it back into livable conditions, and were planning to move back in the next few days. After lunch Hermione took them to her flat. Crookshanks had not been pleased with being left alone but as soon as the half-Kneazle spotted her parents she thought she might be forgiven. Crooks and Henry had always shared a special bond, and Hermione would often find the cat perched on her father's lap while he read the paper aloud when they were home for the summers. With a loud meow the orange cat almost bowled her father over in greeting. Before long the two of them were seated on the couch, deep in discussion. Hermione had set about packing some more things for the cottage, meanwhile, and checked the letters she had received. Several congratulations, some offers of a job but none that sounded interesting, a few proposals and a note from Harry simply stating 'We need to talk'. Well, that was to be expected.

"Are you moving in with Severus? Already?" her mother had asked, obviously concerned.

"Yes… I think so. I know it seems rash but it isn't really. We have a long history."

Catherine had looked at her without speaking, before finally nodding. "Well, you're certainly old enough to know your own mind, dear. Just remember that it takes effort to merge your life with someone else's, and a great deal of communication."

It had taken some cajoling and a catnip toy bribe but she got Crooks to accept taking a trip through the Floo to Oakwood Cottage. She called for Winky when she arrived, asking the elf to set Crooks up in a good spot and show him around the house, and to deposit his food and things somewhere sensible. She then returned to her parents in the flat, who stared disbelievingly when she arrived through the green flames in an unmistakable display of everyday magic.

After leaving her flat they had dropped Henry off at the hotel and the two Granger women had continued through what felt like every store in London, on Catherine's insistence, to look for Christmas gifts, things for the house and for Australia. Hours later Hermione Apparated back to the cottage when her parents were going out to eat and her feet felt as if they were about to fall off. They had invited her along but she preferred to go back to Severus.

"How is your project going?" She took another sip of cocoa.

"Nearly complete, I think. We have several other ideas that I could start after I get this sent off with Lucius to be registered. Have you thought about what you want to do after this?"

She shook her head. "I haven't had the time, honestly. I don't know. Desmond asked me to go see him Monday so we'll see what he says."

He nodded slowly, still looking at her intently. "Take your time, Hermione. If you want to help out with the calculations for my projects that would be highly useful but I think it would be best if you find something to do that is out of the house, be it at St Mungo's or the Ministry or elsewhere. You need to meet people, not stay holed up here. But there's no rush to decide."

Hermione frowned and at first she wanted to protest, to say that she wanted to stay with him, no matter what. But after thinking about it a little longer she thought he might be right. She needed some sort of interaction with people outside of Severus' lab, or they'd drive each other mad.

After a lazy evening where she explored the books he kept in the sitting room, and a light supper of some soup and sandwiches, they made their way upstairs again. Hermione insisted on a shower, saying she needed to wash her hair, and Severus then insisted on joining her, making everything take twice as long but become much more interesting.

~o~o~o~o~o~

It was with jitters in her stomach that she Apparated to Grimmauld Place again the following afternoon and rang the doorbell. Ginny let her in with a smirk that promised lots of uncomfortable questions. She could hear several voices from the drawing room but couldn't quite work out who was there, and Ginny didn't say. She had asked Severus if he wanted to come along but as she had half expected he had refused, saying he'd rather clean out Hagrid's hut than visit that place voluntarily. _You_ _'ll have to, some day,_ she had told him and he had reluctantly agreed, but still said it was better if she went alone this time.

Taking a deep breath, she entered the room. The conversation immediately stopped. She saw Harry and smiled at him, trying to project more confidence than she felt, but then she saw that Neville and Millicent was there too. And Ron. That would make things complicated. Ginny came in from a side door and handed her a beer.

Neville was the first to speak. "Err, hi Hermione. Congratulations? It's not very common to get more than one Mastery."

"Thanks, Neville. How are your parents now?"

He smiled a bit brighter at that. "They're… Dad is almost fine now. He's back with Gran and making plans to go back as an Auror soon. Mum is… well, she's finally starting to understand that I'm not Dad, at least."

She nodded and took a sip of her beer to let the subject lapse. She still felt guilty about the trial, but she couldn't deny that Neville now had a father, at the very least. It was also a relief to know she no longer needed to work on that particular problem, if she was to be honest with herself.

"What are you planning to do now?" Millicent asked.

"Well, I'm not sure yet. I haven't really had the time to think about it. How do you like teaching?"

"Blimey, are all of you nuts?" Ron suddenly exploded. "Are you all just going to chat about — about normal things now? She kissed Snape in front of everyone!"

"Ron, don't do this. We talked about this, remember?" Hermione pleaded despite knowing it wouldn't work. It never did, against Ron's temper.

Harry had risen too but everyone seemed frozen in place by Ron's ire.

"I thought I was okay with it! But then it turns out it was _him!_ You were cheating on me with bloody _Snape!_ " Ron shouted. He had risen from his chair. "How could you do that to me, 'Mione?"

"It wasn't about you, Ron. Please, don't be like this."

"You were such an icicle in bed anyway, he can have you," Ron spat.

Hermione closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Look, Ron. We were wrong for each other, no matter what your mum said. I'm not going to answer that, I don't want to hurt you further. You're with Lavender now anyway."

"Shut up, Ron," his sister snapped. "You know girls talk? Yeah, that includes me, Hermione and Lavender. Ever heard of foreplay?"

Ron flushed a deep scarlet but at least he shut his mouth. After a long moment he turned and stalked out of the room. Soon they heard the front door slam shut.

"Thanks, Ginny," Hermione muttered.

"Anytime. Look, I'm still a bit mad at you but we need to talk separately from all these lunatics. Can I come over later?"

Hermione nodded reluctantly. There would be no way to escape the Ginny inquisition, so she didn't even try. "Maybe tomorrow? Just let me know when, I've been staying with him so I might not be home."

Neville and Millicent rose to leave, sensing that the mood at Grimmauld had shifted dramatically, and they wanted to return to Hogwarts for the evening meal anyway. Millicent seemed happy for her, at least. She hugged Hermione and congratulated her on both the Mastery and on reconnecting with their former Professor. Neville was more wary, still, probably unable to merge the image of the fearsome Potions Professor or the stern Headmaster with someone Hermione chose to date.

Once the pair had left Harry sighed and turned to her. "I don't get it, Hermione. I thought I knew you. How did you end up with him of all people?"

Hermione shrugged. "I told you earlier. We connected. He gets me, Harry, in a way none of you do. I don't see him as our old mean Professor, he's not the same person with me as he was at Hogwarts. Besides, he's even left teaching altogether."

"It's going to be alright, Hermione," Harry said finally. He had taken off his glasses and was rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. "It's just a bit confusing right now. I mean, Snape? Really? I mean, he's … he's _Snape_!"

"You don't have to sleep with him," Hermione finally snapped. "Look, I hear you, but this topic is closed. You can moan to someone else about how evil he was towards you at school. I love him and I've chosen him. I hope you don't let that come between us, you know I love you as a brother but if you force me to choose between him and you, I'll go to him."

Harry looked slightly embarrassed. "I'll try, Hermione. Promise. I don't think I'll ever be friends with him but I do respect him… all those sacrifices he did, for my mum's sake, keeping us safe because of her. I just never thought he'd let go of his love for her."

Hermione frowned. She had heard Harry mention Severus and Lily Potter occasionally but had never pushed for details. Before she could ask, Ginny interrupted.

"Is that a _ring_ , Hermione? Did he propose to you? Already?"

"Yes, Ginny, that is indeed a ring."

"Oh missy, don't get all snarky with me! Let me see it!"

She held out her hand for Ginny to inspect the ring and soon the discussion turned to other topics including marriage, Quidditch and Christmas.

~o~o~o~o~o~

A few hectic weeks later, Christmas was upon them. Hermione had helped out in the labs a bit with Arithmancy calculations and with some of the more basic potions Severus was working on, but otherwise her time had mainly been spent sorting out her flat which she was leaving after the new year, and helping her parents with the house. She had gone to see Desmond at St Mungo's the week after her presentation, and he had talked her into assisting him with some Arithmancy calculations on a contractual basis for various research projects. After talking it through with Severus she accepted. It seemed like a good match to her. There weren't many others that were good at Arithmancy, and that way she wouldn't be directly responsible for whatever state the patients ended up in, although of course her calculations were important to the outcomes.

At first Severus had wanted to refuse celebrating Christmas in the cottage, claiming he was too busy with work, but Hermione had insisted that they invite her parents at the very least, and he had relented after extracting a promise from her to go to the Malfoys' New Years ball. Winky at least had been happy to hear they would have guests over Christmas. Hermione had also invited her friends for Christmas Eve since she wouldn't see Harry and the Weasleys otherwise, and Severus had accepted even that. He had said that since Hermione was to live in the cottage too she was of course allowed to invite her friends, as long as he wasn't forced to socialise all the time.

One by one her friends trickled in through the Floo. Hermione had distributed notes written by Severus with the address since the cottage was Secret-Kept. Bill and Fleur were the first to arrive with Victoire, already three and a half years old and surprisingly well behaved. Hermione suspected it was the French genes as it for sure couldn't be Weasley influence, which Bill confirmed with a laugh when she asked. The Weasley twins were next to arrive, and then Lucy with Marcel. Hermione had already made them promise not to prank anyone in or around the cottage, which had elicited lots of protests until she said they'd lose out on a business opportunity to get assistance with their products if they made Severus or Hermione mad. Harry and Ginny arrived next, with Luna and Kingsley soon behind.

Soon they were all drinking mulled cider or Firewhisky in the sitting room. Severus was talking to Bill and Kingsley, she was happy to note, while Marcel and Luna struck up a discussion with the twins.

"Mum said we weren't welcome to the Burrow if we went to see you," Ginny told her while they were arranging some appetisers on a couple of trays.

Hermione winced. Would Molly Weasley ever give up? "Why on Earth is that any of her business? You're going there tomorrow anyway, aren't you?"

"Yes. Harry actually was a bit concerned to come here but I insisted. It's none of her business. If she starts up trouble we're leaving, Bill and Fleur too and the twins. By the way, did I tell you I met up with Lavender the other day?"

"No? I can't believe they're having a baby, I bet your mother is pleased with that."

They'd moved back into the sitting room and deposited the trays on a nearby horizontal surface. Hermione kissed Severus on the cheek in passing.

Ginny nodded. "Yeah, she's big as a house already and Mum is knitting all the things. I'm sorry, that must be hard on you. But that wasn't what I meant, her scar is nearly healed already. The one on her cheek? She said you'd helped her with a tip. Oh, and she also told me to congratulate you on snaring Snape, actually. You know there was plenty of speculation in the dorms about him given the size of his… nose." Ginny grinned unabashedly.

"Ginny!" Hermione protested, but inwardly she was relieved. If Lavender said that, then Ron's opposition would be short-lived. She went back over to Severus' side, his arm snaking around her waist, giving her strength. She stole a kiss while listening to their discussion. Harry was looking anywhere but at them but she didn't really care about his discomfort.

The evening passed quickly. Bill and Fleur left early. Lucy and Marcel left soon thereafter, saying they needed an early start the next morning.

Harry came up to her. "I'm sorry, Hermione. Seeing you and him together makes it easier to accept, actually. You seem to fit, somehow. I still don't get it but I'm happy that you're happy. You are happy, right?"

"Yes, Harry." She smiled and hugged him. "Thanks. Have you talked to him yet?"

He shook his head and pulled a hand through his messy hair. "Not yet. I… wanted to start with you."

"Go on then." She gave him a small push towards the stern Potions master, her fiance, who was eyeing them intensely over the rim of his glass.

Harry groaned but actually nodded and went over to Severus. Hermione watched them but didn't go any closer, it was on Harry to take the first step.

"Professor, thank you for extending an invitation to Ginny and myself."

Severus inclined his head slightly. "Luckily for all, I am neither your Professor anymore nor anyone else's, actually. It's Severus, Potter."

Harry nodded and grinned suddenly. "Thank you, umm, Severus. I would hope you could call me Harry. I'm not my father. Honest."

He held out his hand to the older man who raised an eyebrow and then took it. "Indeed. Harry. I suspect I will have to suffer your presence here occasionally now, and Miss Weasley's too."

"It's Ginny, as you well know," Ginny interjected with a smile. "You bet we'll show up to check that Hermione isn't buried under a stack of books all the time."

~o~o~o~o~o~

Christmas Day was more subdued. She had managed to get a special permit for her parents to have their house hooked up to the Floo network. It still wouldn't work for them unless they were accompanied by someone magical, and so Hermione tumbled out of their fireplace and brought them along one by one. Her father said it felt like a roller coaster ride but her mother was almost as green as the Floo flames when she arrived. Luckily Winky showed up with a stool for her to sit on to regain her balance, and soon they were gathered in the sitting room with a glass of champagne. Hermione had briefed her parents on house elves, and it only took them a few moments to get over their surprise when they first saw Winky in her fancy uniform. They greeted the elf and gave her a set of knitted pot holders in bright colours. Winky's eyes got as large as saucers when she realised the guests had actually brought her a gift.

"This is a lovely cottage," Catherine said to Severus after they'd been given a brief tour. "You bought it alone, didn't you?" They were walking slightly ahead of Hermione and Henry, having just checked out the annexes.

Severus nodded. "Yes, but I had some hope that we would reconnect so I took that into account when I looked for a suitable place."

Hermione smiled when she heard it. He hadn't mentioned that earlier. She enjoyed seeing Severus with her parents. They were more comfortable around each other than she'd expected, but then again, him having spent a full week with them in Australia must have broken down a few barriers. It was a relief to see them approving of him and of their relationship.

They shared a lovely meal in the cottage, of roast beef, roast potatoes and all the side dishes. Hermione and Winky had decided on the menu together, skipping the turkey since there were only the four of them. Severus was apparently happy as long as he got a proper Yorkshire pudding, but he too had helped with food preparations.

Hermione was happy, slightly tipsy and very full when they settled on the couch after the meal. Severus had Transfigured the armchair into another couch to better accommodate the guests, and served Firewhisky to Henry and a small cognac to Catherine. Hermione leaned into him, breathing in his scent, listening to Severus and her father discussing Australian plants.

She was asleep on his lap when he asked Winky to Apparate her to bed and help her out of her clothes, and barely noticed when he settled in bed next to her, wrapping his arms around her again.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Hermione had been as reluctant to visit the Malfoys as Severus had been over hosting people for Christmas, but when the latter went off without a hitch she thought she should just take a deep breath and get over herself. She'd begged Lucy for some input on a suitable dress and they'd spent a day in the stores before she ended up with a navy blue gown layered with sheer gold brocade. Severus had told her to buy what she wanted on his tab but she didn't want to impose on him, and anyway she still had savings.

They Apparated to just inside the Manor's gates which was apparently the standard Apparition spot for invited or trusted guests, the rest of the estate being under strong wards. Severus wore midnight blue robes with smoky silver fumes twirling along the hems and split hanging sleeves that left his forearms free. Underneath he had a dark blue frock coat with silver buttons, and a cream-coloured cravat. His hair was tied back with a ribbon, accentuating his sharp cheekbones although Hermione guessed he didn't really plan it that way. Still, she thought he looked dashing, and told him as much. He snorted in response and kissed her cheek.

The gravel path was wide enough for four horse carriages in width. Three gilded driverless carriages, drawn by Abraxans, were waiting by the Apparition point to take them to the Manor. He helped her up in one and settled beside her. Without warning the carriage started moving, and they rode in silence to the Manor. Hermione looked out over the garden which was now still and quiet with a light dusting of snow barely covering the grass, waiting for spring. She felt on edge, not at all comfortable with the situation, but she'd tried to hide it from Severus.

A short while later she found herself standing beside Severus, a glass of excellent champagne in hand, looking out over the ballroom. Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy had come by to greet them as they arrived. Hermione wasn't sure what to say to them. _I see you did away with the chandelier, sorry it crashed when I was tortured on your floor_ didn't quite cut it. The Malfoys were perfect hosts, of course, but Hermione thought she'd seen a bit of tension in Narcissa's smile even when the blonde witch asked to be called by her first name. She just wasn't sure if the tension was due to her blood status or if they too were thinking of that time during the war. Lucius hadn't shown up again at the cottage but she was glad to at least be better dressed this time than when they had last met.

A string quartet was playing from the scene of the ballroom and countless smaller floating lights and chandeliers lit up the room, making it glitter. They danced a slow waltz together. Severus led her expertly across the floor, his large hand splayed over her lower back, holding her close.

To her surprise she saw Claudette Millefeuille looking at them, glaring daggers at her from across the room. She'd never expected to see the witch again, and her stomach plummeted. Severus didn't pay the other witch any mind, but Hermione could almost feel the glares and stares not just from that one witch.

They danced the next one too, a foxtrot. She'd always liked the foxtrot but the weight of those stares made her stumble a few times. Severus quirked an eyebrow at her but didn't comment. When the dance finished they walked off to the side just as Draco came by and nodded at them.

"Severus, Lucius asked to see if you could go with him to check on something. The Billingsley figures, he said."

Severus growled. "I suppose I must. Hermione, will you be alright for a short while?"

She smiled faintly at him and nodded, looking after him as he stalked out of the ballroom in search of Lucius. Draco led her off to a standing table and handed her a glass of champagne.

"So, err, congratulations," Draco said somewhat awkwardly.

"Thanks?"

The blond wizard nodded. "Well, I heard about your thesis work. Bringing both Lockhart and the Longbottoms back, that's seriously impressive."

Hermione grimaced. "I just… I wish I could have done more for them. Alice Longbottom is still in a bad way. They had to Obliviate her to stop her from screaming."

"Can't win them all." Draco shrugged. "My deranged aunt was very good at that. And then you managed to snare Snape as well, that's quite the feat. I suppose you make sense together, once you get past that initial squeamishness."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "I've never been squeamish about him."

Draco snorted. "Right. No, seriously, congratulations. You're both scarily brilliant, you know."

"Thanks, I guess. How are you?"

Draco told her a bit about his work at the Ministry where he apparently was starting to find a place for himself, finally. He'd earned a sideways promotion to a different team and was finally able to move away a bit from the shadow of his father and the Death Eaters.

"So… who is everyone here? I don't recognise most of them."

Draco nodded and started telling her about their guests, and soon Hermione was giggling behind her glass when he described their petty secrets, saying that embarrassing moments were the currency of Pureblood interaction and that she shouldn't be caught unawares. He even asked her to dance, and she accepted albeit somewhat reluctantly. He was a good dancer, though. After a while Narcissa called for him, but Severus was still not back. The other witches were still staring at her, including Claudette.

She asked for directions to the ladies', mainly for having an excuse to be elsewhere.

On her way back she was cornered by three of the witches that had been staring at her all evening. She didn't know any of them but recognised Miss Blishwick and Madam Avery from Draco's commentary, and thought the third one might be a Macmillan.

"So you think you've snared him, do you? Oh well, plenty of witches made the same mistake already, and they weren't… you." Miss Blishwick smirked at her, looking her up and down.

Miss Macmillan giggled and nodded. "Yes, sometimes he had more than one, right? And they never knew about each other."

"Oh well, she'll know soon enough, when she finds him in bed with someone," Madam Avery sighed with false sympathy. "Claudette was certain she'd snare him tonight. After all, he was basically hers already."

"So-long, little one," Miss Blishwick said when the trio left, giggling.

She didn't believe them, not for one second. Severus wouldn't. Surely. She knew him better than that.

And yet when she rounded a corner in the large hallway she saw Severus walking away further down the corridor, headed for a side door, apparently not noticing her. He was… was that? There was a witch on his arm, and when Hermione gasped the witch turned her head. It was Claudette Millefeuille. The witch shot her a triumphant smirk just before they disappeared through the door.

Now she really didn't know what to think. Would he… was he… no that couldn't be it. And yet he had undoubtedly left her alone in the Malfoy Mansion, the place that still haunted her nights, only to be seen with his old fling.

Stunned, she had stopped in the middle of the hallway. Another group of witches walked past, talking loud enough to be overheard about her and Severus, claiming she shouldn't try to get ideas above her station and that he'd surely get tired of her within a month.

She turned on her heels and ran out of the building. Someone called her name but she didn't stop until she made it back to the Apparition spot, disappearing to the first place that came into her mind that wasn't the cottage.

~o~o~o~o~o~

She didn't know how long she'd sat with her back to the pillar that held up the gates to Hogwarts, hugging her knees to her chest, trying to make sense of it all. She'd cast a warming charm which wasn't quite sufficient against the Scottish winter night. A light dusting of fresh snow covered everything and the moon was out, occasionally hidden behind passing clouds. Gradually despair gave way to anger, bubbling up inside her like magma. She realised that she was actually rather furious with him, for treating her like that. How could he? The whole situation was so messy and convoluted, she barely understood her own feelings. It wasn't just that evening either but rather everything. Why was it all on her, all this guilt and responsibility? Why had he kept shutting her down last year when she'd tried to talk to him about the future or anything serious? How dared he leave her, refusing all communication when she tried to explain? And being seen with Claudette during the Ministry ball, not even two weeks after him running out of her life, most definitely aimed to hurt her? Why was he with her now, at the Malfoys? Was it another attempt at humiliating her?

Suddenly the crack of an Apparition made her jump to her feet, her wand out.

Severus approached her, cautiously. "Hermione. Why on Earth are you here?"

Something broke inside her. Or maybe it was already broken. "You drag me there, to a place I still have nightmares about and leave me completely alone? And then I see you in the arms of _that_ witch who's been glaring daggers at me all evening? And everyone keeps telling me about your multiple affairs, laughing at the pathetic little Mudblood who thinks she's snared the great Severus Snape and I just don't know who you are anymore! I thought I could trust you!"

He stepped closer, his hands raised in a pacifying gesture. "Hermione, calm down. We were just discussing business —"

She did not calm down. His words ignited her anger further, making her hair worm free from its bindings, crackling and hissing with magical discharge. "Maybe _you_ thought you were but _she_ definitely thought she had won you back! You should have seen the looks she threw at me when you left with her wrapped around you like a bloody cuttlefish! And _why_ did you think it would be acceptable to do _anything_ with her after that awful stunt you pulled last spring! Hadn't you heard about Ron and I breaking up? Someone must have mentioned it, Millicent, the Headmistress, anyone! The way you looked at me at that horrible Ministry ball — as if I didn't exist, you broke my heart completely! And again when I showed up at your doorstep — why on Earth would I seek you out if the baby had been Ron's? How can I know you won't do something like that again? Run away as soon as something gets difficult, shut me out without explanation?"

He stopped then, finally. A frown appeared, the crease between his eyebrows deepening. "Please, Hermione. You're right, I did that to deliberately hurt you back then. I'm so sorry. I cannot make it undone, any of this. Those other witches? They're jealous, although the reason eludes me."

She was not at all ready to listen, to give up on her anger. "Did you fuck them too? Is that it?"

Somehow he had managed to move closer, placing a hand cautiously on her upper arm. He sighed and looked away. "I… After the end of the war I had a hard time figuring out who I was supposed to be. I was angry and half suicidal and confused with the sudden death of the two madmen I served under. For some reason several witches sought me out as a _war hero_. I … I'll admit I took advantage of the fact that witches finally noticed me but not until you did I find someone I could actually connect with, not just for a night. I told you I want to bond with you properly, I'll gladly make a fidelity vow to you, it won't make the tiniest difference for me, I only ever want you. No other woman but you."

"I'm sure that's what you said to _Claudette_ too!" she spat, wrenching herself out of his grasp.

He flinched and she immediately felt guilty, she'd said that to hurt him, not because she particularly believed it although she was still mad at him. "No, Hermione. Never. I've never ever told anyone that I love them either. Only you. I love you."

She burst into tears. "Severus, that's why it hurt so much, I love you, I do."

He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Hermione, please, forgive me for my inattention today. Lucius wanted to build some business connections. For some reason it slipped my mind that you might be less than comfortable in the Manor."

"Is he in on it too?" she asked in a small voice. "With… _Claudette?_ "

He shook his head, looking pained, frowning. "No. Not at all. I had no idea she was coming and I don't think Lucius expected her either. Apparently she wasn't invited but tagged along with her new fiance whom Lucius wanted us to do business with. Please believe me, Hermione. I haven't seen her since July. I'm so sorry. Lucius asked about you earlier and if you would accept visiting the Manor, or if you would rather decline due to the war experiences. Tell me what you want from me, if I can gain your trust back. Please?"

Hermione looked up at him for the first time. That was not a word she'd heard him say, ever. Slowly she moved closer to him, allowing him to wrap her in his arms. "I'm not sure, Severus. I want to trust you. I do. You've always kept your word, for as long as I've known you. But in this? I have no idea how to move forward. We never talked properly about all this."

He nodded against her hair and she could feel his strained breathing, as if he was trying to control his emotions. Slowly she unfolded her arms and wrapped them around his chest, holding him close. They stayed like that for a long time. Her cheeks were wet with tears and when she shifted to look up at him she saw tears glittering on his cheeks too. She wiped them away with her thumb and settled back against his chest, feeling him press a kiss to her forehead. He was warm, solid.

"How did you find me?" She pulled back slightly to look at him again.

"Draco came to find me, saying you were upset and had run off. I Floo'd to the cottage first but didn't find you, obviously. Winky somehow knew, though. I'm not sure if it's because she has some connections here but she told me to not be an idiot and to go here and say I was sorry or she'd make me sorry."

Hermione snorted. "House-elves know more than we think."

She could feel him nodding. "Evidently." He drew a deeper breath. "You are right, we do need to talk about this properly, but could we not do that in the snow outside the Hogwarts gates at nearly midnight? But now that we're here… Do you want to visit her? I never showed you what I did with…"

"Oh…" After a moment she nodded and moved out of his embrace. He put his winter cloak around her shoulders and offered her his arm instead, and cast new warming charms while she Transfigured her highly impractical golden high heels to a pair of sensible boots.

The gates opened to Severus' wand despite him not being a teacher there anymore, and he led her across the snow-covered lawn to the greenhouses. The stars were out, and the waxing moon lit their path. The Castle was quiet and dark except for flickering light in a few windows, including those of the Great Hall. Hagrid's hut was dark and the Whomping Willow rustled its branches at them as they passed. There was an old oak by one of the greenhouses, the one closest to the Forbidden Forest. Under its canopy there was an oblong granite stone about a foot in diameter, looking slightly out of place in the Scottish soil but at the same time fitting in well with the surroundings. He whispered an incantation, and a golden inscription shimmered into view. Hermione stepped closer to read it. _Omnia Mutantur, Nihil Interit. Aimee Granger Snape, you left us before we knew you._ Severus had stopped a little further back, allowing her time to take it in. She knelt by the stone and brushed away some of the debris around it.

"I took some liberties with the name."

She nodded slowly. "It's good, Severus. A good name. The Latin, it's Everything Changes, Nothing Perishes?" Looking back over her shoulder she saw him nodding. "Thank you," she murmured. "I hadn't started thinking about names, it was still too early."

Sinking down on her knees in front of the small stone, she was thrown back to those weeks when she'd come to terms with the pregnancy, and the awful end. She'd probably always wonder what their child would have been like, if she had been allowed to grow up. However, she thought, life had changed for her and put her on a different path, where new joys and sorrows awaited, and she realised she wasn't sad over it. It would be alright, in the end. Different, but alright.

After a while her thoughts started to circle back to the man standing quietly behind her. What had he thought about it all? They hadn't talked about that either. He had most certainly not expected to walk in on that when he discovered her in the bathroom.

"Goodbye," she whispered and touched the stone before rising, taking the few steps back to him.

He looked at her, warily, but made no move to touch her. "What would you want to do, Hermione? If you want we could go back and show them all they're wrong. I won't leave your side for a minute."

She shook her head. "No. I'm not going back there now. I'll head back to the cottage for now."

"Very well. We can insult Purebloods some other time."

"You say the sweetest things." She looped her arm through his and let him Apparate them back to the cottage.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Once they were back she changed into jeans and an oversized jumper, and settled in his armchair in front of the fire. Winky popped in and handed her a mug of hot cocoa. Soon Severus came to join her, taking a seat on the couch on the other side of the fireplace with a glass of cognac. He was still clad in his impeccable dress robes but had shed the outer layer and changed to his woollen house slippers instead of the dragon-hide boots. She didn't really look at him, her eyes following the flames without really looking at them.

"Hermione. You're right. We need to talk about all of this."

She nodded.

He cleared his throat and swirled the amber drink. "I should start somewhere else, I think. At the beginning of it all. What has Potter told you about Lily?"

That threw her for a moment. What did she have to do with anything? But Harry had mentioned something earlier that she'd filed away as something to investigate later. "Lily… Potter? Nothing related to you, why? Or wait, he did say something recently about you being in love with her, that you did everything for her? I don't know why though, is it true?"

"I thought he had shown you my memories?"

Hermione pulled her feet up in the armchair. "No. He respected your privacy. I think he showed Kingsley for the trial but that's it as far as I know."

"How astonishing, a Potter with a conscience. I had thought he'd shared that, and the things he discovered against my wishes during those blasted Occlumency sessions."

She glared at him. "Stop it. I'm not in the mood and you're on thin ice as it is. Harry's never been a bully. He hasn't told me anything related to you."

Severus grimaced. "My apologies."

He took a sip of cognac and began telling her of his childhood. His parents, with an abusive and alcoholic Muggle father and a withdrawn and detached witch mother. Finding magic, Lily. Going to Hogwarts, the bullying from the Marauders that neither the teachers nor the Headmaster saw fit to stop. Almost being killed by Lupin. Losing his friend due to a rash word. Hermione soon found herself lost in his tale, in the story he wove in his rich deep voice.

Something didn't quite add up. "Do you really think she broke up with you only because of a word?"

He frowned but eyed her steadily. "Well, we weren't a couple. She didn't like my other friends, or acquaintances rather. Most of them went on to be Death Eaters."

"Well, I would never have abandoned a friend just because of a word. That's ridiculous. I'd never have made it as Harry's and Ron's friend all these years that way."

"You are a rather extraordinary witch."

He fell silent for a minute but soon continued to tell her of his Death Eater years. Finding companionship with the others and justifying his actions with his hatred of his father, but trying to stay away from the worst atrocities. His Apprenticeship years, funded by Malfoy and the Dark Lord's influence. And then the fateful day when he overheard the prophecy in the Hog's Head, leading to him joining Albus Dumbledore to try to save Lily's life despite the fact that she didn't want anything to do with him.

"I killed her, the one bright spot in my world."

"No, Severus, you didn't kill her. It wasn't your wand that struck her down, it wasn't you who refused to be Secret-Keeper for the Potters and instead had them choose Pettigrew, it wasn't your choice to go after them."

Somehow she'd moved from the armchair to the couch, nestling up close to him. He didn't look at her but an arm wrapped around her shoulders.

He shook his head. "Albus never let me forget my duties, my guilt. It became my lodestar during the next fifteen years. I was stuck at Hogwarts as a teacher with a mask to uphold, and that was it. He made especially sure to force me to participate during the Halloween horrors he inflicted on the Castle, claiming he did it for my own good to drag me out of the dungeons but I always suspected he enjoyed needling me when I was at my lowest."

"You never had any, you know, relationships then? With a witch? Or wizard, I guess."

"No. Albus frowned upon teachers having a life, I was depressed and obsessing over Lily who was dead and anyway had never loved me, and I pushed everyone away that tried to get close, not that there were many who tried. There were a few women, during the summers or the occasional weekend night in a pub, but nothing lasting. Sometimes I went to Muggle bars as they were guaranteed to not know my history. I told myself I didn't need a woman in my life, that I was too grumpy and miserable to attract one and I couldn't stand most of them for long anyway."

She nodded and fell silent, sipping her cocoa. It did make sense, in a rather sad way. Right at the beginning when they met in Prague he had said he didn't do relationships. He had kept pushing back when she tried to ask about a future.

"You were afraid, weren't you? Of actually defining whatever we had as a proper relationship." She'd ended up leaning against him, her head resting against his shoulder. She was tired but talking was more important.

"Yes." He cleared his throat again. "As I mentioned, after the war it took me quite a few years to redefine who I might be without the two Masters pulling the strings, and that included what I might want when it came to female company. The recognition and fame caused all kinds of witches to seek me out, mostly for the wrong reasons as I'm sure you can imagine. Most either feared me or thought me a half-blood opportunist who should shut up in the company of proper pure-bloods and be grateful for being given the chance to be seen with them."

She snorted. Yes. Harry, Ron and herself had also seen their fair share of publicity. While Harry had always shied from it and she herself was mostly portrayed in a negative light, Ron had enjoyed the attention.

He sipped his cognac. "That more or less brings us to Prague. I found you quite irresistible, you had finally grown into your intellect and started thinking for yourself, you looked stunning in those robes, and you knew my history and yet you didn't fear me. I knew of Weasley of course, I told you as much. Still, even then, I was quite keen on seducing you. It worked for a while even when we returned to Britain but some time that summer things got real."

"I tried to talk to you, Severus."

He sighed. "I know. I just… Every single thing I've wanted has always been taken from me, Hermione, ever since I was a boy. I think that's why I didn't dare… I couldn't think of any situation that would end up with you being mine for real. That's why I shut you down, and that's why I left when you tried to tell me of Weasley's proposal, I was certain I had lost you. The rest of it was not exactly planned. I had been invited to tea the next day at the Manor, Narcissa had invited Claudette and I accepted her proposition. She'd been married to Rookwood who as you might recall was captured in the Battle of Hogwarts and so she sought to clear her name by joining with me instead after the Ministry granted her a divorce."

"You hurt me horribly." She sat up straighter, for some reason needing more distance, pulling her feet up and scooting back to the other corner of the couch.

"I know. I'm so sorry, Hermione. And we should have discussed this earlier."

"Yes." She yawned. It was late, midnight had passed without either of them noticing. She didn't exactly feel like celebrating anyway.

"Let us go to bed, you're tired."

"No. So, we're roughly at that horrible ball. Go on."

He took another sip of his drink and cleared his throat again. "I don't know what to tell you about it, Hermione. As you surmised I went to the Ministry Ball with her since I expected you to show up in the arms of Weasley. When you later showed up on my doorstep I was shocked to see you. I didn't want to give anything away to Claudette so I dismissed you, fully well knowing it would hurt you. I'm so sorry, Hermione. I had planned to send Muninn to you later."

It wasn't enough but it was honest, at least. Some of his actions still didn't make sense to her but with his background and personality perhaps that was to be expected.

"And then Luna sent you to me," she whispered.

"And then Luna sent me to you." His voice was hoarse by now. "I thought you had merely locked yourself in and refused to talk to anyone, but that scene in your bathroom… It hit me harder than any of the atrocities I'd seen or performed during the Dark Lord's reign. When you said it was… she was our daughter…"

"Yes."

"I tried to help you but I feared it wasn't enough. Seeing you in that much pain, learning about our daughter and then losing her at the same moment, I didn't know what to do to take over some of your pain. You were bleeding badly. Had I not come…"

She nodded, tears flowing down her cheeks. "But you did. You were there, you anchored me."

He took a deep breath. "The rest you know. I too needed time to think about all this, to work out my own part in all of it and to allow you some space. Hagrid and Firenze helped me bury her remains at Hogwarts. I was busy researching how to cure your parents, finalising the books and buying this cottage."

They fell silent. Hermione was thinking about what he had told her. Could they move on from there? Forge a new path? He'd already said he would not hurt her on purpose again, could she hold him to that? Another thought struck her.

"Do you want children, Severus?"

His breath hitched. "If you do, Hermione, I would, with you. But preferably not too soon if given the choice. I think we need to grow into this together first."

She nodded slowly and moved closer to him again, resting against his side. He put both arms around her. "You won't ever do something like that again? You will tell Claudette she can stuff it?"

Severus snorted. "I would stay by your side for an eternity and beyond, Hermione, and if that means making enemies of some Pureblood witches… well, what else is new?"

She reached up to kiss his cheek. "Alright. I'll forgive you for your stupidity today. It was good to talk about this. Thank you, Severus. Happy New Year."

"I think we missed the strike of midnight." He raised an eyebrow at her again.

"Well, we just have to find a different time zone. I'm sure it's still last year somewhere." She kissed him.

They made it to bed, Hermione asking Winky for help her with the makeup and hair pins. She scooted up against him, her back against his chest.

"We'll be alright, Severus," she murmured before a yawn overtook her.

"Thank you for listening." His voice vibrated against her back.

She nodded, almost asleep already, and twined her fingers with his. "Love you."

"I love you, witch."


	17. The Outlook

**The Outlook**

The new year was a time of change for Hermione. She moved out of her flat, her parents went back to Australia but had already made plans to return soon again, and she started working on another research project in cooperation with Desmond at St Mungo's where they were looking for a better way to treat Dragon Pox. It was nice to work with others toward the same goal instead of being mostly alone with her thoughts and problems. The team was led by one of the senior Healers, a woman called Merigold Rosier whom Hermione had instantly come to like. She was sharp but fair, encouraging questions and discussions in the team.

Hermione shut the door to her new office a few doors away from Desmond's and made her way down the corridors to the nearest spot she could Apparate from. It was late, a Thursday in February, but a few others were still there. She waved at Dilys Derwent's portrait but didn't stop to chat, wanting to get back to Severus as soon as possible.

When she arrived at the cottage the smell of cooking greeted her, causing her stomach to growl in response. Crookshanks was purring from the armchair by the fire, and Iris had settled next to Muninn who had his own little owlery just off the kitchen. Or if it should be Phoenix-ery, Hermione mused. She padded into the kitchen and hugged her fiance from behind as he stood by the stove stirring a stew of some kind. He had tied his hair back again and pulled his shirtsleeves up.

"That smells lovely," she commented.

He turned to kiss her. "Welcome home. How was your day?"

"Fine, thanks. No major accidents. What about you? Do you need a hand here?"

"I finished the latest test batch, it almost worked this time. Go change, I've got this."

She nodded and went upstairs to change out of her business robes, preferring to dress more comfortably at home. Home… It had surprised her how quickly Severus' cottage had started to feel like home. He was there, after all, and that was all that mattered. She'd brought her books, of course, which had required an extension of his library, and her couch which also got put in the library. Other than that she hadn't had much to bring. Her clothes, of course, which now had their own wardrobe in the bedroom, and a few other souvenirs and small knickknacks in the sitting room or wherever they made sense. The TV was put in the annex which was slightly insulated from magic, and they'd managed to catch a few Time Team episodes.

When she changed clothes she thought back to the Malfoys' ball. They had continued to talk the next day, about their childhoods, their fears and wishes, anything that came up. Hermione had never felt as close to anyone as she did after that, which Severus had agreed with. He'd sent Muninn to the Malfoy Manor and they had gone there for lunch a few days later. Lucius had profoundly apologised for his actions during the War, saying that he now had a different understanding and outlook on life, and he had also assured her that Claudette would no longer be around. Narcissa had showed her the drawing room which had now been transformed into a winter garden, with flowers and plants where once there was blood and pain. Apparently they'd removed a few of the rooms completely, including the dungeons, saying no amount of redecoration could get rid of the stench of evil that clung to those walls. The pair had also insisted on sending Hermione and Severus to a very posh Wizarding restaurant where they'd gone for a nice and very public dinner, ending up in the _Daily Prophet_ the day after with a picture that perfectly captured his heated gaze and slow smile, her blush and smile and the ring on her finger.

Of course not every day was perfect. Some days she was moody or hormonal, or just plain grumpy, and some other days he was sullen and brooding, or stuck in the lab until well after midnight. But they still managed to maintain an underlying respect for each other, and either managed to snap the other out of it or leave them alone. Some days they didn't talk much, with Hermione busy at St Mungo's all day and then spending the evening together reading a book each in the library or the sitting room.

Severus had invited Minerva McGonagall over for dinner one evening in January before term started. The Headmistress had apparently heard the rumours already since she merely twinkled as badly as Albus when she saw both of them together, and said they made an excellent couple. After a while, talk had drifted to Hogwarts, the war and the Ministry.

"I'm not going to that stupid Ministry Ball this year," Hermione had declared.

Minerva nodded slowly. "I like Kingsley but those balls are a bit much for me."

"What about holding a memorial feast at Hogwarts? We should acknowledge those we lost and the price of victory, on both sides." Severus had suggested. Minerva had immediately run with the idea and the three of them discussed options long into the night.

~o~o~o~o~o~

It was strange to be back at Hogwarts, she thought, as Severus escorted her from the gates up to the castle a few months later. Hermione looked up at the towers, the multitude of windows and oddly-connected pieces that sometimes seemed to defy the laws of physics. Various plants and flowers were set on either side of the gravel pathway, framing the path. The early May sun was shining, painting everything in bright new spring colours.

A delegation of students stood by the stairs to welcome guests and show them were to go. They appeared stunned by seeing their old Potions Master there, clad in impeccable dress robes and with a witch on his arm. Hermione smiled, she thought he looked quite dashing clad in his slate grey outer robes with swirling silver details along the lapels, with a black frock coat underneath and an emerald green cravat. She wore green dress robes with golden details, and the earrings he had given her.

Severus nodded at them. "Mr Orpington, Miss Vance, Mr Higgs."

The students got over their shock at seeing him and smiled, welcoming both of them to the Memorial Banquet.

The Great Hall was sparsely decorated with fresh flowers, probably selected by Neville. Green garlands hung from the wall sconces, and the room had been magically enlarged to fit not only the Castle's students and teachers but also the various guests that kept coming in, with three new long tables in between the House tables. The Head table had also been removed to give way for a raised dais that could function as a scene. The House banners were removed from the tables and now hung on the walls, two to each long wall.

An enchanted string quartet was playing in a corner of the dais, magic ensuring that the sound carried across the Hall, confirmed by Severus to be Professor Flitwick's work. Most teachers were there already, talking to former students. She spotted Harry and Ginny who were talking to Hagrid, and Luna was standing next to Kingsley who was talking to the Headmistress. Kingsley had been rather easy to convince to attend the event at Hogwarts rather than setting up a Ministry-sponsored ball, and Hermione guessed they were ready to make their relationship more public.

Many other students from her own time were also there, a few of them doing a double take when they saw her on Severus' arm. He in turn nodded at old Slytherins, teachers and other acquaintances. The Malfoys were there, Draco escorting a witch Hermione didn't recognise, and Horace Slughorn had also showed up, his hair completely silver by now. Ron and Lavender were also there. Hermione nodded at Lavender who smiled at her before she distracted Ron with a Butterbeer. The rest of the Weasleys were also present, including Molly and Arthur who stood talking to Poppy Pomfrey by the wall under the Gryffindor banner.

House-elves helped everyone find their seats, in some instances a bit more forcibly than otherwise. Hermione and Severus were seated near the front of the room, and she was relieved to see Ron further down the table, out of conversation distance. Harry and Ginny sat close, and Kingsley and Luna. The hundreds of candles dimmed over the hall as the Headmistress went up to the podium to welcome everyone, illuminated by a few strategically placed Charms.

"Welcome to Hogwarts. Past students, current students, friends, future friends. Today we remember those we have lost, and the reason why we fought. We who survived, and the new generations, must ensure that this never happens again."

The Headmistress spoke some more about the fight at Hogwarts and the war years, but Hermione was lost in memories. So much had happened to them during her years at Hogwarts, right from the time she arrived. She startled when applause filled the room as Minerva had finished speaking. The lights brightened again, and Severus grasped her hand in his, giving it a squeeze. Suddenly the food arrived on the tables. The elves had prepared baked salmon, steak, various vegetable platters, sauces and potatoes, giving everyone the chance to choose what they preferred. Soon the Hall was filled with the clang of silverware and the buzz of conversation.

Severus went up to speak when the main course was finished. The room fell silent as his rich baritone washed over them. He spoke of consequences, of difficult choices, of having the courage to do what is difficult even when one is afraid. He talked about those that made the wrong choice but not out of blazing conviction but rather out of fear or obligation, and what life might be like afterwards. He also spoke of his own eternal guilt for the ones he couldn't protect as Headmaster, and his relief that the current batch of students would never have to experience what their predecessors had during the war years.

When he finished, the room was completely silent. The lights had dimmed again, casting the hall in dusky shadows. Harry was the first to lift his wand, lighting the tip, which Hermione and the others around him quickly copied. Soon more and more people followed until the whole room was lit by wand tips. Severus lit his own wand, raising it high. The Headmistress walked up to him and engulfed him in a hug before turning to the audience again.

"Thank you Severus. Now that we have remembered the past it is time to turn to the future." She clapped her hands twice, and various dessert choices appeared on the tables. Fruit bowls, chocolate pralines, various cakes, trifles and puddings, ice cream and sorbet. Hermione selected a strawberry trifle and some chocolate pralines, while Severus went for the Black Forest cake.

Harry was next up to talk once most people had finished dessert. He spoke of the need to remember but also to live, to make the right choices and make sure there was a future to look forward to. It was a good talk, ending the formal part of the evening on a lighter note. The Headmistress went up to give him a hug. She then turned to the room, clapped her hands twice to let the elves know they could take away the dishes, and then swept her wand in a wide circle overhead. The tables shrank in on themselves, and the benches tipped everyone off before folding themselves neatly into small boxes that could be taken aside. The room looked huge without the furniture in it. Filius must have prepared something, because soon the room was filled with music again, and the Headmistress invited everyone to dance.

Severus swept her off in a waltz. Hermione smiled up at him as he led her around the room, holding her slightly closer than was proper. He looked impassive as ever but his eyes were warm when they met hers. She saw Neville and Millicent dancing nearby, not yet married but they were planning an event after the end of term. Kingsley and Luna were dancing near Harry and Ginny. Bill and Fleur were there too, without their daughter, but Fleur's stomach was rounded again. Hermione was happy for them and hoped it would hold this time. It seemed life would go on, after all.

"We won, Severus," she said. He looked surprised for a second before nodding.

"That we did."

~o~o~o~o~o~

After his rather impulsive proposal already on their first day back together they had started to talk about an eventual bonding. Severus had said he would agree to whatever she wanted but she knew he'd be rather uncomfortable in a big, posh, Muggle-style wedding. Her own tastes also leaned towards something simpler.

"Why don't you do a traditional bonding instead then?" Ginny had asked when they had discussed it during one of Hermione's visits to Grimmauld Place.

The youngest Weasley wouldn't be able to get out of having a big lavish affair, but Hermione thought Ginny didn't mind too much, and Harry would be fine as long as his witch was happy. After some explanations and much research Hermione had agreed that a bonding sounded much more like them. That choice also had the advantage of not needing as much preparation and planning, and so they decided to have the ceremony in August despite it being only a few months away. Minerva had offered to host it at Hogwarts but Hermione's parents being Muggles meant that wouldn't work. Instead they chose to set it up on the meadow behind the cottage, with the help of a few elves from Hogwarts ("Only if they want to help out, and only if we can give them something in return!" Hermione had insisted) to handle the food.

Still, their guest list included quite a few people. Hermione had insisted on inviting her friends and family, including Healer Trout at St Mungo's, various Weasleys and several others. Together with the Malfoys and a few others that Severus invited, mainly from the staff at Hogwarts, they still ended up with about fifty people. Minerva had been elated over being asked to officiate.

~o~o~o~o~o~

Hermione took a deep breath and fussed with the simple bouquet she carried, of flowers she had plucked herself by letting her magic and intuition guide her. A few of them came from their own gardens while others were from the surrounding landscape, and she'd even trekked up to Hogwarts to pluck two roses from behind the greenhouses, with Neville's blessing. She wore a very basic dress, a simple white linen gown that reached down to her bare feet, and nothing else. Her hair was half pinned up with a few roses with some help from Lucy, and now she was standing alone by the old oak tree next to their cottage, waiting for the sign that would tell her when she needed to go down to the meadow. She had assumed the sign in question would be something the officiant would organise, some sound or visible signal, but no one had told her any details, oddly enough. Her parents had arrived earlier, escorted through the Floo by Harry and Ginny.

Suddenly she simply knew. It was time. An urge to go down there started to build in her chest even though nothing obvious had happened to prompt it. With a shrug she followed the pull of magic which was leading her down to the meadow. From the other side of the clearing she saw him walking towards her, obviously driven by the same urge. He was clad in a simple tunic made from white linen, and black linen trousers. His black eyes sought hers even from a distance and they automatically fell into step with each other, magic ensuring that they ended up right in front of Minerva at exactly the same time.

Hermione didn't notice anything else, not the audience, not Minerva who took the bouquet from Hermione and spread the flowers around them in a rough circle, only the man her heart had chosen who seemed equally focused on her. Magic wove between them, humming and crackling. He put his hands out for her, palms up and together almost like a bowl. When she put her hands in his the hum of magic became even stronger. It coursed through and around them both, a resonance between his magic, her own and the wild magic of the ancient ritual.

Minerva raised her hands over her head. Sparks flew from her wand as she began the traditional incantation. As she spoke, the magic around Hermione and Severus started to solidify and shrink into two visible ribbons that were still hovering in the air, shining with a golden light so bright it was almost painful to look at. Minerva slashed her wand down, causing the ribbons to wrap around their joined hands. Hermione gasped when his magic settled in her skin, flowing over her like a warm embrace. He pulled her closer, their hands still bound, but he tilted his head down towards her just as she raised her face to him. Their lips met. For half a heartbeat neither of them moved but then one of them deepened the kiss. Magic released their hands when the bond had saturated and formed two rings around their fingers. Her hands rose almost on their own accord to tangle in his hair while his arms pulled her flush against him. She could feel his hard erection against her stomach and an answering heat was pooling deep inside her.

"Hermione Jean Granger, do you accept this Severus Snape to be your bonded husband, for the rest of your days?"

"Yes!" she answered when the question registered. Minerva might have needed to call her names a few times for her to notice. His eyes, she could lose herself in that dark gaze, nothing else mattered.

"Severus Snape, do you accept this Hermione Jean Granger to be your bonded wife, for the rest of your days?"

"Yes," he almost growled. Then he kissed her again.

Somewhere else, distant, she heard the Headmistress proclaim them husband and wife but she didn't much care, didn't notice. All that mattered was him.

"Come, wife," he muttered for her ears only.

"Oh yes," she all but moaned.

He shifted his grasp on her slightly. Suddenly they were airborne. She gasped and clung closer to his neck while he flew them over the assembled guests and away. Over his shoulder she saw the cottage shrink until it was a dot among the green fields.

"Severus, where are we going?"

"I don't know."

"Wait — what —"

"Magic will tell."

Shortly thereafter he set them down on a small hill in a forest clearing, in a large flower ring of clearly magical origin. Small grassy mounds dotted the hilltop, probably remains of an earlier settlement. The air hummed with magic. Hermione didn't much notice, however. She only had eyes for him, her body humming with need and residual magic from the ceremony. She reached for a kiss. He seemed equally hungry for her and complied, kissing her deeply. They sank down on the grass with Hermione ending up in his lap. Impatiently she pulled at his trousers and after a bit of effort his erection sprang free, causing him to groan. She shifted a bit to get her gown out of the way and impaled herself on him, letting him fill her. He leaned back until he lay down on his back in the grass.

"Witch, you are marvellous," he murmured. "Wife."

She started moving. It took her a few tries to find a good rhythm but the heat built quickly, intensified by the magic coursing through them from the ritual. When he started helping out by planting his feet on the ground for leverage she quickly lost it, howling as she came. He grunted and a few thrusts later he too lost it, spilling himself inside her. Their bond hummed inside her, the wild magic settling with the completion of the ritual, replaced by a feeling of contentment. This was right. They were right, together.

"I love you," she whispered as she collapsed on top of him.

"Good," he muttered and closed his eyes. "I love you too, you know. Wife."

She lifted her left hand. A solid gold ring now sat next to the ring Severus had given her, created by the ritual as a manifestation of their bond. While Severus seemed sleepy, Hermione instead felt invigorated. She rolled off him and sat up to look around. The grass was soft and warm, and the magical flowers around the perimeter of the ring added a sweet scent to the air.

"Where do you think we are?"

He groused but rose on his elbow to look around. "I think we went roughly south, this might be the Cotswolds. There are plenty of old powerful sites around there."

After righting their clothes they Apparated back to the cottage and snuck upstairs to change. Hermione's gown and the back of Severus' shirt were grassy and wrinkled, for some odd reason. They managed a quick shower which turned heated rather soon. He nibbled her neck, the water drizzling over them. She felt the bond hum with some sort of resonance. Urgency and an absolute need took over, again. He lifted her by her arse and pushed her against the wall for leverage, the water coursing over his back. Both of them groaned when he filled her, again. He set a hard rhythm, slamming into her while she held on to his shoulders, driving her ever higher. She shattered around him, howling his name as she came which caused him to follow with a grunt, resting his head against the wall next to her throat. With a gentle kiss he let her down again so that they could continue with the shower.

When they rejoined the others, now dressed in proper clothes, the party was in full swing. The elves had set up a buffet table with refreshments of various kinds, and Filius had lent them his enchanted string quartet which was playing a merry jig off to the side. Winky popped up with two glasses of champagne for them. Their hopes of rejoining the others unobtrusively were dashed when the Weasley twins noticed them.

"Oi! They're back!" Fred shouted.

Everyone turned to look at them, cheering wildly. Minerva quickly walked up to them, hugged both of them and turned to the others. "A toast for the happy couple!"

"Had a good time, eh?" George asked her with a wink.

Hermione blushed, a bit uncomfortable with the fact that everyone actually knew without a doubt what the two of them had been up to when they were gone. "A lady doesn't kiss and tell, George."

Severus came to her rescue, snaking a hand around her waist and raising an eyebrow at George who grinned in reply and sketched an elaborate bow.

"That was the strongest Bonding I've seen," Minerva said with a wistful smile.

"That wasn't normal?" Hermione asked, biting her lip. Had they done it wrong?

"Oh no, it's just a sign of your compatibility, dear. Usually the couple can actually hear questions and wait for prompts before kissing or leaving. You seem exceptionally well matched."

"We followed the magic," Severus said.

Everyone came up to greet them at once. Her mother hugged both of them and kissed Hermione on the cheek while her father shook hands with Severus. Harry and Ginny were next, Harry congratulating Severus a bit stiffly while Ginny grinned at her and waggled her eyebrows. The Hogwarts delegation stood nearby, with Professors Flitwick, Sprout, Vector and Sinistra along with Madam Pomfrey and Hagrid who was currently sniffling into a pink flowery handkerchief.

The enchanted band struck up a waltz and everyone cleared the way for them. Severus handed their glasses to Neville who was closest and swept Hermione off in a dance. She smiled up at him as he led them across the lawn, feelings of love and pride mixed with an undertone of possessiveness. He was _her_ wizard, and now the whole world would know.

After the waltz the rest of the crowd joined in to dance, mingle, eat and drink. Gradually the August sky darkened and the first few stars appeared. The evening was still warm. Fred and George set off fireworks of their own design, filling the sky with long-tailed rockets, pink Catherine wheels, a fire-breathing dragon that seemed to hunt the other fireworks and sparklers that wrote _"Hermione and Severus"_ across the sky. Everyone cheered when the dragon ate a wheel, huffed and belched out a pink Dementor-like creature which squealed as the dragon took up the hunt.

Severus and Hermione stood a little off to the side, left alone for once, watching the fireworks.

"Are you happy, wife?" he asked, leaning in towards her.

"More than happy. This has been absolutely perfect. What about you?"

He nodded. "It has been surprisingly tolerable for a party, and I would do anything as long as it led to me having you in my arms."

She kissed him. He tasted of champagne and something solid, unwavering. Protection. Home. Love. When they broke off, he smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

Severus tapped his glass with his wand, calling for attention. "Thank you, everyone. We are honoured to have you all here to share this day with us. Please stay as long as you wish, Winky will show those of you that are in no shape to Apparate where there are beds available. We will, undoubtedly, see you later."

With a flourish he produced an item from his pocket, a silver statuette in the form of a horse. It looked a bit out of place, and Hermione wondered what it was for. Before she could ask he had secured his hold on her and tapped the horse with his wand, activating the Portkey.

After a longer time than she'd experienced before the dizzying journey was over and Hermione stumbled out of his grasp onto a sandy beach, falling down on her knees. The sky was dark and the night even warmer. Severus came up behind her and gave her a hand up.

"Where are we?"

He smirked. "I thought we could use some time away, and your mother gave me the idea to come here. This is south Crete and we have the house over there to ourselves for two weeks. There's a small Wizarding community nearby but we're just outside the village."

She gasped and looked around. The moonlight illuminated a small white house with blue window trimmings on the edge of the beach. She took his hand and together they walked closer after Hermione had taken off her high heels. The sand was still a little warm to walk in.

They had a look inside. Winky had apparently packed their clothes and other items during the feast, and everything was set out for them. A bedroom, a small kitchen and sitting area, a simple bathroom and a large patio overlooking the sea. She turned to kiss him again, love and want and need rising quickly again, and soon they found themselves on the bed again.

"Love you, husband," she said with a yawn, her head on his shoulder.

"Wife."

They fell asleep in a tangle on top of the sheets, both of them spent after the eventful day.

The two weeks passed quickly. Hermione insisted on sunbathing and swimming in the ocean, and Severus took her on treks up the mountains to look for rare potions ingredients. They found a few local restaurants, and otherwise bought food and refreshments at the local market in the small magical village or in the nearby Muggle one. It was a perfect holiday, which Hermione made sure to tell him. They even made some longer trips, hopping on a Muggle bus to go to interesting sites a bit further away and then Apparating back to the small house.

A few days after they finally made it home again Hermione was struck by a thought. Her breasts were aching, her sense of smell was a bit too sensitive and she really didn't want to even look at eggs or sausages. Was she…? Not able to let it go once the thought had taken root she walked out to the lab where Severus was busy brewing.

"Severus?"

"Hm?" He looked up quickly before resuming the stirring count.

"I'm… am I… I don't know?" She wrapped her arms around herself.

"What, wife?" He put the potion in stasis and came up to her.

"I'm not sure but do you know the pregnancy test charm?" she blurted out.

His arms wrapped around her much as his astonishment and joy wrapped around her fear. "Love, it will be alright," he murmured against her hair.

"But I was taking the potion this time, promise!" She looked up at him.

Severus chuckled. "I doubt any potion would stand a chance against a bonding as strong as ours." He led her over to a wooden bench along the wall of the lab. "Can you lie down here? That gives the best results for the charm."

She nodded and lay back on the slightly too narrow bench. Severus concentrated and cast a complicated charm over her stomach. Gradually a bright green light became visible over her lower belly.

"Is that —"

"Yes." He cleared his throat. "We're… You're pregnant."

Hermione flung herself into his arms. "I'm scared, Severus. What if we lose this one too?"

He held her just as tight as she did him. "We're in it together, love. Whatever happens, I won't leave you."

"Yes. Together."

They stood like that for a long time until Hermione gradually relaxed in his embrace.

It would be alright. They would be alright. Together.

 **-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

 **A/N:** This is where we leave them, apart from a short epilogue. Thank you everyone who has followed and commented on this sometimes rather angsty tale. I hope the end made up for the horrors I put them through at least a little…


	18. Epilogue: The Resolution

**Epilogue: The Resolution, Ten years later** **…**

Severus looked up from the book he was reading in the hammock behind the cottage when the sound of running feet became louder. Miranda Snape, age 6, ran past laughing with her brother Evander, 9, in tow. They were both still on summer break since it was August, and as such they had too much time to annoy each other and everyone else.

"Give it back!"

With a lazy flick of his wrist he immobilised both children, causing Miranda to shriek in outrage. "Children. What are you up to?"

"She took my paint kit," Evander said, scowling at his sister. The boy had his mother's dark brown hair although his was straight. He had Severus' narrow face and hooked nose, and Hermione's fuller lips.

"Did not! Mummy said I could!" Miranda had black hair but otherwise she took after her mother. She was, indeed, carrying a set of water colours and brushes.

Severus tapped his nose. "Don't you have your own set, Miranda?"

"But I couldn't find it!"

"And what should you do then?"

Miranda bit her lip. "Emmm… take Ev's?"

"No!" her brother shouted.

"Try again."

"Ask Winky?"

Severus shrugged. "If you are unable to keep track of your things, Miranda Snape, then perhaps you are not old enough to have them."

"No no dad, I'll find it! It's in my trunk, it was just too far away! Promise!" Miranda looked at him, wide-eyed.

"And did your mother say you could use your brother's?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Not exactly…"

He sighed. "Miranda. You know better. It seems both of you need some work to do if you have time to be such nuisances. Come, let us go to the lab."

"I'm sorry, Dad. Sorry, Ev." She handed the paint kit to her brother when Severus released the body-bind.

He snapped his book shut and led them to the lab. They had their own workstation for when they wanted to join him, with equipment in the proper size for them and some small cauldrons they could use.

"Let us make another batch of Pepper-Up, then. Miranda, you will measure out the Doxy eggs. Evander, cut the Jewelweed. You remember how, right?"

Miranda sighed dramatically but went to fetch the Doxy eggs and ginger root from storage, and Evander fetched Shrake spines and Jewelweed. Soon they had several cauldrons going with enough Pepper-Up for Hogwarts' autumn order. He didn't have to do much routine brewing anymore since Lucius was managing the Potions factory they'd set up in a warehouse outside London for the standard orders, but he often still brewed the potions Hogwarts requested. It gave him a reason to go visit Poppy and Minerva from time to time.

He thought back to his time as a teacher at Hogwarts, during the war years. Never would the thought have crossed his mind that he'd be a father of four wild children, with a wife and a successful business. Had someone told him that he'd end up marrying the Insufferable Know-It-All Miss Granger, he'd have thought them mad. Back then he'd been certain that he'd never survive the war, and he had welcomed the thought as an end to the misery that was his life at the time.

Closing his eyes he could sense her through the bond. She was at work, he knew, busy with something or other at the office in London, so her feelings were slightly muted compared to when they were closer to each other. She seemed to be pleased with something. Learning about the nature of their bond had taken some trial-and-error over the years. Gradually they became aware of sensing the other one's feelings, and they also knew roughly where the other one was, as in a sense of general direction and distance. When their first had been born the strength of what Hermione was feeling had almost decked him, but once he worked out what it was he could actually help by sending comfort and assurance in the other direction and taking some of the pain for himself.

After learning about the pregnancy, Hermione had immediately started to research magical birthrates together with a team at St Mungo's, and Severus had put Septimius Solutions to work on the problem as well. Luckily everything went fine with the pregnancy, aside from her odd cravings, the physical symptoms and mood swings. Hermione was home with Evander for a year while she also set up her own consulting company, taking on Arithmancy problems since she could do that from home part-time even when caring for a baby. It helped that Severus worked from home, too, although it took him some time to adjust to not only considering his own needs.

Hermione had asked Luna and Ginny to help collect anecdotes, stories and statistics about anything that seemed relevant, but they weren't much closer to a solution three years later when, luckily, Miranda was born without issue. Hermione had stayed at home for another year but then her business had started to take off. She set up an office in London and hired two other Arithmancers to help out, letting her focus on the things she wanted. Luckily they had also found a magical family nearby who wanted to set up a daycare for magical children.

Miranda was nearly three when they'd finally managed to work out a regime that would greatly reduce but not completely eliminate the risk of miscarriage due to malfunctioning magic. It was complex, requiring the man to take a potion once a day for at least a full month before the witch was in a fertile phase, and for best results the couple should also renew their bonds to make sure their magic was synchronised. It seemed as if one of the reasons for the current issues with miscarriages was that the traditional bonding had gone out of fashion a bit, partly due to the backlash after the war against Grindelwald when it was seen as more progressive to do a more Muggle-style wedding. They had also needed to invent a new charm which was to be cast immediately after the deed to ensure the conditions were optimal. Hermione had of course insisted on trying it all out, for science, and so they ended up with fraternal twins the following year, a boy and a girl. Lysander and Cordelia were currently napping, he fervently hoped. He had been their main caretaker the last year and was very ready for them to go to daycare when schools started up again. Evander and Miranda were in a Muggle primary school close by at Hermione's insistence and seemed to have fit in reasonably well, with not too many magical accidents. There was another magical family nearby with children in that same school, so they weren't alone.

Severus felt the bond stir, she would soon be home. "Let's wrap up for today, your mother is soon home. Have you packed your things to go to your grandparents?"

Miranda squealed in delight and ran off. Evander started clearing the workstation while Severus put the cauldrons in stasis. His eldest son had always taken an interest in Potions and enjoyed sitting next to Severus when he worked. In two years the boy would be off to Hogwarts but he'd probably know at least the first and second year potions already by then. Severus ruffled his son's hair, and together they went back to the cottage where Winky was feeding the twins a snack.

The crack of an Apparition sounded and soon Hermione entered from the foyer. Miranda tackled her from the side, and even Evander went over for a hug. Severus smiled at his wife. Ten years later and four children but she was still just as beautiful.

"Welcome, wife." He kissed her lightly.

"Husband." She burrowed into his arms and took a deep breath. "Mum is expecting them in half an hour, I think. Are they ready?"

He shrugged. "I presume Winky has sorted it all out adequately."

Some time later when all the chaos had receded, the children had been adequately disposed of with their grandma and they were alone for once, he produced a piece of parchment from his pocket and handed it to her.

"What's this?" Hermione looked confused.

"What does it look like?"

" _The Alchymist_ … a hotel reservation? In Prague?"

He smiled. He did that more often nowadays, for some reason. "Our Portkey leaves in half an hour so you'd better go change. Winky has already packed our bags as well. You do remember the date, don't you?"

A slow smile lit up her face. "Our wedding anniversary. Oh, love, are we going back to Prague? I can't believe you managed to keep this a secret from me! You naughty, sneaky man!"

"At your service, milady." He sketched a bow at her.

"How long?"

"Four nights."

She threw herself at him. "You know I love you, right? Because I do, more and more for every day that passes."

"You may have mentioned the fact once or twice."

Hermione laughed, and kissed him.

Yes. He was precisely where he was meant to be. Home.


End file.
